Will my friends get over this or have I ruined it forever?
This is going to be a very long post about my current situation with friends so I apologise..
I've recently being binge drinking on nights out and my behaviour got progressively worse.
1) I told a housemate for next year I liked her
A LOT (I only really had a crush) whilst drunk. We texted for 3 weeks over break. We both mutually stopped texting. So I thought nothing was wrong however being back at uni for 5 weeks her and the rest of the housemates apart from 1 (I currently live with her) have asked me to out again.
2) the same night I told the housemate I had feelings I also got barred from the bars in one area of town due to an argument with a bouncer- I think the ban is for 4 months. I didn't realise how long it was because I went back a month later whilst drunk and tried to get they help of another bartender from another bar to let me in...which led to the further banning from the other places. This bartender is a friend of the girls from my house share...I said to him that I ghosted this girl and that another housemate was prettier-I feel awful and would never say it sober and didn't mean it. He also posted a story of me on his Instagram because I said to make her jealous or something I might have asked him to do it) again Whilst drunk.
3) since I haven’t been able to go out my other group of friends (the 1 for the house) have been doing kitchen drinks/ going to other places I can go to. And I have got balmy behaviour in order and been drinking far less. However last night they all did kitchen drinks in a flat below mine, normally my flat hosts everything, they didn’t invite me even though I said to the girl I’m living with about doing kitchen drinks at ours…they hid it from me that they had a hangout. I know because I looked out my window to see what the noise was and they were all stood there smoking they saw me and my window open and said “hey (my name)” but no one texted to invite me down etc. They went out on Friday night and saw the girls from my house share as they were also at the same place. I only know because I saw Instagram stories etc. but l'm starting to wonder if the girls told my other friends about my previous info and now I’m worried my closer friends think I'm a weirdo/ too much chaos.
don't know what to do- we signed the lease for our house only 2 days ago, no one told me they don't want to live with me so I thought it had blown over but my friends not inviting me last night made me think again.
I'd much rather they tell me they're angry and
I'd apologise straight away.
Does anyone have advice? I do feel guilty and know I was in the wrong for what I did/ said. I really want to apologise but don’t feel I can if everyone starts excluding me. When I saw my current flatmate for next year today she didn’t blank me or anything, she smiled and I started a convo and she replied normally- I texted another friend from the group and they also replied like normal…I don’t know what to make of it? Maybe I’m being paranoid?
Should I ask one of them what’s up or wait to see if they don’t invite me again? My other friends from home said they may just feel guilty that I can’t go out to the places they want to go so have full on stopped inviting me so they can still go out which I totally get but there’s no need to hide it from me. It seemed more malicious last night because I think they only stayed in the flat which I could go to…
Any advice please!
I've recently being binge drinking on nights out and my behaviour got progressively worse.
1) I told a housemate for next year I liked her
A LOT (I only really had a crush) whilst drunk. We texted for 3 weeks over break. We both mutually stopped texting. So I thought nothing was wrong however being back at uni for 5 weeks her and the rest of the housemates apart from 1 (I currently live with her) have asked me to out again.
2) the same night I told the housemate I had feelings I also got barred from the bars in one area of town due to an argument with a bouncer- I think the ban is for 4 months. I didn't realise how long it was because I went back a month later whilst drunk and tried to get they help of another bartender from another bar to let me in...which led to the further banning from the other places. This bartender is a friend of the girls from my house share...I said to him that I ghosted this girl and that another housemate was prettier-I feel awful and would never say it sober and didn't mean it. He also posted a story of me on his Instagram because I said to make her jealous or something I might have asked him to do it) again Whilst drunk.
3) since I haven’t been able to go out my other group of friends (the 1 for the house) have been doing kitchen drinks/ going to other places I can go to. And I have got balmy behaviour in order and been drinking far less. However last night they all did kitchen drinks in a flat below mine, normally my flat hosts everything, they didn’t invite me even though I said to the girl I’m living with about doing kitchen drinks at ours…they hid it from me that they had a hangout. I know because I looked out my window to see what the noise was and they were all stood there smoking they saw me and my window open and said “hey (my name)” but no one texted to invite me down etc. They went out on Friday night and saw the girls from my house share as they were also at the same place. I only know because I saw Instagram stories etc. but l'm starting to wonder if the girls told my other friends about my previous info and now I’m worried my closer friends think I'm a weirdo/ too much chaos.
don't know what to do- we signed the lease for our house only 2 days ago, no one told me they don't want to live with me so I thought it had blown over but my friends not inviting me last night made me think again.
I'd much rather they tell me they're angry and
I'd apologise straight away.
Does anyone have advice? I do feel guilty and know I was in the wrong for what I did/ said. I really want to apologise but don’t feel I can if everyone starts excluding me. When I saw my current flatmate for next year today she didn’t blank me or anything, she smiled and I started a convo and she replied normally- I texted another friend from the group and they also replied like normal…I don’t know what to make of it? Maybe I’m being paranoid?
Should I ask one of them what’s up or wait to see if they don’t invite me again? My other friends from home said they may just feel guilty that I can’t go out to the places they want to go so have full on stopped inviting me so they can still go out which I totally get but there’s no need to hide it from me. It seemed more malicious last night because I think they only stayed in the flat which I could go to…
Any advice please!
Reply 1
10
it seems that you have portrayed an image where you cant handle your drink and act out causing issues in places they want to go so I would just show some maturity and ownership which you seem to be doing. i wouldn't worry too much about people excluding you. that is better than being invited to something where you are not really wanted. maybe curate another circle and don't let the drinking get out of control again. if people are not being forthcoming about how they feel to you, it may be that you have done something to make them uncomfortable whilst drunk, as it seems when you are drunk you do not remember what you have done or are in control of what you are doing. a mature conversation may help but could also create hostilities depending on how it is handled. it seems you have signed up to a lease for a long period so I wouldn't rush to get immediate answers especially if people are uncomfortable because that is likely to be due to your behaviour. as a reasonable human being you will know what is unacceptable behaviour and what is acceptable so just refrain from doing things that make you act out. if someone I knew was doing any of the things you mentioned I wouldn't call what they did malicious but a necessary evil to prevent you ruining my evening moving forward. not necessarily advice but a reflection on how your behaviour may be making others feel. if someone was causing issues when drinking I am sure you would shift back from them too. hope that helps
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