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Finishing year 1 of uni with absolutely no friends

So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Reply 1

Can you move into halls for year 2? That would probably help.

Reply 2

Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Hi @gdbae

Lots of people experience the same feeling that you are currently going through, it is normal to feel like this and finding the right people can take some time.

As you have done your first year now hopefully you will feel less nervous going into your second year and if people do approach you in lectures you will feel more comfortable to talk back and get to know them a-bit more. I would also suggest maybe joining a society or club in your second year. It doesn't matter when you join them, they will take new people on at any point of the year or course! This way you will be interacting with people who share an interest with you and hopefully you can find some friends there! Like I have mentioned, as you will be in your second year, maybe you will feel a-bit more confident to approach people yourself and get to know them!

Try not to compare yourself to others as much, I know it's difficult not to but everyone's uni experience and journey is different. Don't be disappointed and certainly don't be regretful, there is plenty of time for things to change and for you to have a better experience in your second and third year.

I hope this response has slightly helped, let me know if you have any other questions, I am more than happy to help!

Thanks, Matt ☺️
Official LJMU Student Rep

Reply 3

I know someone that's in their first year and living in halls. He never goes to the kitchen when other people are there. He makes his food and takes it back to his room to eat. If someone else comes into the kitchen he will avoid eye contact and keep his back to them. If someone says "Hi" to him in a friendly voice he says nothing. If someone says something that he really can't ignore he will give a grunt or a quietly spoken one word answer.

Are you as withdrawn as this guy?
If you are less withdrawn than him, there's hope for you for your 2nd year.

There's loads of different techniques you can use to be more outgoing and to deploy better social skills.
There's plenty of people that have faced down the same fears as you and then started teaching others how to push through this.

One big tip I can give you - out of hundreds is:
Don't worry about making friends. Just carry out a series of your own personal social experiments. The outcome of the experiment doesn't matter. The main thing is taking joy and pleasure and interest in running the experiment.

Some people will hate you, some people will love you, some will be inbetween. That's fine. All you do is to remain "professional" towards the haters and concentrate your valuable leisure time with the people you get on best with.

Another tip is to see your socialising as something bigger than you. Something where taking an interest in your fellow human beings is of primary importance. So that your mental capital in social situations is on you reading the thoughts and feelings of others. This should help you to get out of being trapped in your head.

Another tip is to have a little think about what sort of people you'd like to spend time with.
EG someone that's joyful and optimistic and upbeat. So that near the start of the conversation with them you might say something like "When you said that, you came across as a Debbie Downer. Are you one of those guys that focuses on negatives?" If they say "Yes" you can say "We're not going to get along." (with a smile on your face). If they say they're positive and optimistic you can say "I don't believe you!"
This is all down to the buyer-seller dynamic. And you setting the frame that you're the selector. That you're evaluating them. You're screening them as to whether you should hang out with them.
When they've done something to win you over, they will form a better bond with you.
Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. It takes courage to open up about something so personal, and I want you to know that it's completely valid to feel disappointed right now. I can relate to not having many friends in my first year it's a common struggle!
It's really important to remember that it's not your fault. Being an introvert and dealing with social anxiety can make meeting new people incredibly challenging. Everyone's university journey is different, and while it might seem easy for some to make friends instantly, for others, it takes more time. Try not to compare your experience to others.
The good news is that it is NOT too late to turn your university experience around in Year 2. I've just finished my second year and made some great friends, so I can tell you that it doesn't necessarily get harder to make connections.

What You Can Do for Year 2

You're spot on about joining societies. This is genuinely one of the best ways to meet people who share your interests. Think about activities or hobbies you enjoy and look for societies that align with them. Putting yourself out there in a low-pressure environment is a fantastic starting point.

Here are a few more quick tips:

Take Small Steps: Don't feel pressured to do too much at once. Even just attending one society meeting or striking up a brief chat with a classmate can make a difference.

Utilise University Support: If social anxiety feels like a big barrier, remember your university's counselling or wellbeing services can offer valuable tools and strategies.

You've recognised what you want to change, and that's a huge step forward. Year 2 is a fresh start, and you have the power to make it different!
What kind of societies or activities are you most interested in exploring for Year 2?

Best,
Rachel - Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism 😊
(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 5

Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...
Literally in exactly the same situation as you, people approached me at first but cos of my social anxiety nothing progressed and now everyone’s got their friends and I’m alone.

Is year 2 going any better for u? I’m in year 2 now but it’s just the same.

Reply 6

Original post
by mia66688
Literally in exactly the same situation as you, people approached me at first but cos of my social anxiety nothing progressed and now everyone’s got their friends and I’m alone.
Is year 2 going any better for u? I’m in year 2 now but it’s just the same.

GIRL SAME OMG. its still the same for me too 😭 i dont know a single persons name on my course. and it feels like i cant even approach anyone cause theyre all in their groups, even during seminars and tutorials. ahhhh sigh. have you made any new friends? its been 3 weeks since you sent that so im curious 🤔

Reply 7

Original post
by gdbae
GIRL SAME OMG. its still the same for me too 😭 i dont know a single persons name on my course. and it feels like i cant even approach anyone cause theyre all in their groups, even during seminars and tutorials. ahhhh sigh. have you made any new friends? its been 3 weeks since you sent that so im curious 🤔
I am first year and commuting, still trying to figure out friendships but it feels like you don't necessarily need to have "friends" figured out yet, I think, getting to know people's names and a bit about them is more important. Something that helps, is not thinking about what they think of you, because I can guarantee you in such a huge cohort, they probably never noticed you before. What I would try and do is sit next to someone different in each lecture and just smile politely and say "Hi, my name is ..." or if you saw them before just say " you are that girl from "group discussion/seminar" remember, that was tough, the lecturer was so annoying or whatever" when they sit next to you. They are probably going to do the same back, because that's basic etiquette and there you go, you know a new person on your course. Not saying hi just makes every interaction awkward, get it out of the way as soon as possible that way you come across as friendly. Ask them help with something or discuss a simple question if you feel confident enough and ask them if they live on campus/commute, where they are from and if they are a member of any societies. I would advise you try going to meet and greets and societies events as often as possible (I am probably over doing it but I go to at least 1-3 events every week). If you don't know where to go, just pick one related to your course and go. Or if you are religious, one that is more spiritual and stick to these two at least. Try eating in common areas on campus that way you come across more people in a setting where you can actually talk to others. Keep sitting next to new people and introducing yourself until you find someone that you like. And if you don't at least you'll know a couple of people to sit next to comfortably. Give them your Instagram or ask them for theirs if you like them to stay in contact

Reply 8

Original post
by gdbae
GIRL SAME OMG. its still the same for me too 😭 i dont know a single persons name on my course. and it feels like i cant even approach anyone cause theyre all in their groups, even during seminars and tutorials. ahhhh sigh. have you made any new friends? its been 3 weeks since you sent that so im curious 🤔

Glad someone relates I feel so out of place in my course 😭 I’m ngl in first year some ppl approached me and I’m kind of friendly with some ppl but it feels forced and I don’t have anyone who I can hang out with or who would talk to me outside lectures. And yeah the groups thing in seminars feel so embarrassed looking around for somewhere to sit cos idk who to sit with so have to go sit myself. I have talked to a few more ppl recently and I think I’ve become friendlier w them but I still don’t have anyone to hang out with 🥲🥲 idk how ppl manage to find whole friend groups so easy

Reply 9

Original post
by mia66688
Glad someone relates I feel so out of place in my course 😭 I’m ngl in first year some ppl approached me and I’m kind of friendly with some ppl but it feels forced and I don’t have anyone who I can hang out with or who would talk to me outside lectures. And yeah the groups thing in seminars feel so embarrassed looking around for somewhere to sit cos idk who to sit with so have to go sit myself. I have talked to a few more ppl recently and I think I’ve become friendlier w them but I still don’t have anyone to hang out with 🥲🥲 idk how ppl manage to find whole friend groups so easy

girl sometimes i dont even go to seminars cause i dont wanna sit there in silence whilst everyone else is in their groups talking about the work 😭 im glad youre talking to people tho thats better than nothing!! do you commute? i feel like living in dorms has a huge benefit to it since you can meet people on your course through mutuals etc

Reply 10

Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Hi there,

I know it has been a while since you posted this, but I've read that you and some others have been struggling with making friends so I just wanted to respond and see if anything I suggest might help you at all.

Firstly, I know you have thought about societies, and I would really recommend you trying one out. I was the same and was too nervous to try one in first year/there wasn't one I was that bothered about, but in second year I just decided to join one anyway even if I wasn't too fussed about it and I really enjoyed it. Lots of them are fairly chilled and not that serious so even if it isn't your favourite hobby or a sport you have done before, it is still worth trying it! If you don't like it at least you know you have tried it so I would really recommend this.

There may also be some events put on by your uni and again I would suggest going to one. I know it might feel a bit strange at first going on your own but loads of people go to them to make friends so I think you might meet some nice people here. With this and societies, you can usually go any time but even if not this is the perfect time to think about joining them as lots of people tend to join in semester two in January so you could try one then.

You could also try looking on social media if you haven't already as you can often meet people on here who you wouldn't meet otherwise. It's worth having a look anyway as you never know who you may meet and then you could always try meeting up with them! There will often be groups on Facebook where you can meet people from your uni or even your course who you may not have spoken too yet.

I know you said you commute, so you have probably tried this already or you have friends at home anyway, but sometimes looking for clubs that are not a part of your uni can be a good way of making friends. I know they won't be friends at uni necessarily, but they are still lots of fun and a great way of meeting people. I know there are often run clubs or sports clubs so maybe have a look.

I know it can feel hard when you don't have many friends in your seminars and trust me I have been in this position too, so I understand how you feel, but you can make friends other ways too and I hope some of these might help you out a bit.

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 11

Original post
by gdbae
girl sometimes i dont even go to seminars cause i dont wanna sit there in silence whilst everyone else is in their groups talking about the work 😭 im glad youre talking to people tho thats better than nothing!! do you commute? i feel like living in dorms has a huge benefit to it since you can meet people on your course through mutuals etc

Literallyyy I hate seminars 🥲 and yes I do commute and it does make it harder to find friends I think. There are social events and that but even then I feel like ppl there alr have their friends…have u tried going to any? Have u talked to anyone new on ur course or on other courses or anything? This far thru the course it’s hard 😫

Reply 12

Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Hi @gdbae 👋

I am sorry you feel that way, i want to assure you that this is a common feeling everyone goes through. It takes time to make friends, especially at university. I suggest trying to join some societies or even just getting lunch or something with some people with class. Commuting students tend to make a tougher time to make friends because they go to class and then go home compared to on campus students who have more opportunities to meet friends in their free time. You could consider staying on campus if you wish or just spending time after class on campus may make it easier to find some friends. In second year it will get easier as people settle in and get more comfortable to approach people. Hope this helps 😊

Essex Student Rep- Lavanya 💜

Reply 13

Original post
by gdbae
So my first year of uni has officially ended and i have no friends. i dont know any of my coursemates (300+ in my course) and i feel really disappointed because i thought my uni experience would be different. For context, i commute from home to uni and my mom drives me. After my lecture is over, i just go home.
At the start of the year, I was really hopeful to make friends and people did approached me in lectures but i was just so nervous that it didn't end up progressing...i guess i just got too in my head and came across as boring? Im a huge introvert and i feel like my social anxiety got to me to the point it hindered me making small talk etc. Anyways...i also really wanted to join clubs and societies but didn't even do that. its so ironic because my uni is the leading uni for sports and yet i still didn't put myself out there. bottom line is that its my fault and i feel envious that my close friend is moving out with her friends she made at uni next year to live in a rental house (she lived in accomodation year 1). i feel like because i didn't move out and stay in accomodation, i didn't have any real pressure to go out of my comfort zone and make friends. maybe if i had, things would be different. how can i stop feeling so disappointed and regretful? im so scared the same thing will happen for year 2... wont it be harder to make friends? ughhh what should i do :frown: i wanna have the courage to go out of my comfort zone...

Hi there!

With any luck, you've had a better start to this year, I'm sorry you experienced a difficult first year with friend-making. What I'd say is the same advice you hear for romantic relationships, the less you look, the more you find! Find yourself a few hobbies to get into, ideally ones that can incorporate other people! I'm into lots of nerdy types of things, (Warhammer, DnD, gaming etc) and they have helped me find people that are lovely and accepting. There's plenty of societies to give a go, too! Basically I'd recommend anything where you can focus on the hobby infront of you to help work through the anxiety. Hopefully you have a great year and friends come rushing your way!

Charlie
3rd Year History Student at Edge Hill

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