cheated in relationship i was unhappy in what do i do
long story short exactly what the title says
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
edit: hi all thanks for the responses, lowkey forgot i posted this i’m not a frequent user of tsr. although it’s only been 2 weeks the situation seems so in the past for me now so replies were just interesting more than anything to read through.. what ended up happening was i told him what i did the night i wrote this post, we broke up and he blocked me on everything, surprisingly i was only hurt for a few days (tho it was genuinely a pain like no other), afterwards i was pretty much on my feet functioning normally. he too surprisingly seems ok and unaffected according to friends, tho maybe i should have expected this given what he’s told me about his past breakups and other sociopathic traits
would like to defend myself to people saying i am naive for thinking 2 people can be completely compatible…sure maybe i was naïve for thinking this new guy was perfect or wtv but i meant it in a way where is it that hard to not average 3 slurs a day…? not call me “autistic” or “r*tarded” every time i asked genuinely just a reasonable question..? just get ****ed at me erratically..? so as to make me feel i was walking on eggshells the whole time..? all i meant was this new guy was at least just decent, i admit i did prob kinda glaze him but can you blame me🤷*♀️
anyways, doesn’t matter anymore, i’m doing fine now, he most likely is too, at the end of the day it was an interesting experience which has helped shape me into who i am today, and now i’m prob waffling
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
edit: hi all thanks for the responses, lowkey forgot i posted this i’m not a frequent user of tsr. although it’s only been 2 weeks the situation seems so in the past for me now so replies were just interesting more than anything to read through.. what ended up happening was i told him what i did the night i wrote this post, we broke up and he blocked me on everything, surprisingly i was only hurt for a few days (tho it was genuinely a pain like no other), afterwards i was pretty much on my feet functioning normally. he too surprisingly seems ok and unaffected according to friends, tho maybe i should have expected this given what he’s told me about his past breakups and other sociopathic traits
would like to defend myself to people saying i am naive for thinking 2 people can be completely compatible…sure maybe i was naïve for thinking this new guy was perfect or wtv but i meant it in a way where is it that hard to not average 3 slurs a day…? not call me “autistic” or “r*tarded” every time i asked genuinely just a reasonable question..? just get ****ed at me erratically..? so as to make me feel i was walking on eggshells the whole time..? all i meant was this new guy was at least just decent, i admit i did prob kinda glaze him but can you blame me🤷*♀️
anyways, doesn’t matter anymore, i’m doing fine now, he most likely is too, at the end of the day it was an interesting experience which has helped shape me into who i am today, and now i’m prob waffling
(edited 9 months ago)
Reply 1
You've been together for four months. How can you say all these terrible things about him + what you did and still not see that this is not a deep or meaningful relationship anymore than his relationship with gambling?
He gave you his ultimatum, you already broke it. Now is the time to admit it's not going to work. Break up with him
He gave you his ultimatum, you already broke it. Now is the time to admit it's not going to work. Break up with him
Reply 2
those above replies are pretty heartless firstly OP. Dont take the guilt as bad as they push.
Your current relationship is very toxic and you need to end it. Your bf giving you an ultimatum of dating or no contact is something my ex said, and it tore me to pieces. Its a way of them to manipulate you to keep dating because they do not want to just be friends and wont comprimise with you. Thats reason enough to want to cut contact with him, imo. Obviously im not you i dont feel love towards this random guy who gambles and gets mad at you, but as an outsider he is not healthy. Him talking about couples working through problems is bs, again another manipulation tactic it seems, because hes clearly not trying to work problems through with you if youre having issues only 4 months in.
Dump him and take the new guy seriously. Its better you dump him sooner so you have a break being single for a bit, it messes with your mind to jump from one guy to another instantly-- you need time to get over your ex even if it was unhealthy, just to be able to think clearly in retrospect and move your heart on.
I was dating someone online long distance for a year. He also played games on his pc all day and though the start seemed promising, we got on well and planned to meet, he never got a job and refused to do school/training, so it was all on me to earn money for our suposed future together. He stopped flirting with me for many months and it made me feel unloved, and everytime i brought this up to him he got mad at me and complained that I was always making issues in the relationship, we could never be happy. A guy I work with started flirting with me around this time and it made me realise I am in an unhealthy relationship and im unhappy BUT it doesnt have to be like that. Now Im with this current partner and though we have had issues, I am much happier. I did feel guilt at first as I also didnt tell my current bf or my ex that i was talking to both for about a month, but when i dumped my ex I felt all that guilt clear and I could finally enjoy my new crush.
So, id recommend breaking up asap and enjoying a new love. As someone who had a similar emotional experience, you dont deserve guilt for leaving a guy who doesnt treat you right if theres a new one who does.
Your current relationship is very toxic and you need to end it. Your bf giving you an ultimatum of dating or no contact is something my ex said, and it tore me to pieces. Its a way of them to manipulate you to keep dating because they do not want to just be friends and wont comprimise with you. Thats reason enough to want to cut contact with him, imo. Obviously im not you i dont feel love towards this random guy who gambles and gets mad at you, but as an outsider he is not healthy. Him talking about couples working through problems is bs, again another manipulation tactic it seems, because hes clearly not trying to work problems through with you if youre having issues only 4 months in.
Dump him and take the new guy seriously. Its better you dump him sooner so you have a break being single for a bit, it messes with your mind to jump from one guy to another instantly-- you need time to get over your ex even if it was unhealthy, just to be able to think clearly in retrospect and move your heart on.
I was dating someone online long distance for a year. He also played games on his pc all day and though the start seemed promising, we got on well and planned to meet, he never got a job and refused to do school/training, so it was all on me to earn money for our suposed future together. He stopped flirting with me for many months and it made me feel unloved, and everytime i brought this up to him he got mad at me and complained that I was always making issues in the relationship, we could never be happy. A guy I work with started flirting with me around this time and it made me realise I am in an unhealthy relationship and im unhappy BUT it doesnt have to be like that. Now Im with this current partner and though we have had issues, I am much happier. I did feel guilt at first as I also didnt tell my current bf or my ex that i was talking to both for about a month, but when i dumped my ex I felt all that guilt clear and I could finally enjoy my new crush.
So, id recommend breaking up asap and enjoying a new love. As someone who had a similar emotional experience, you dont deserve guilt for leaving a guy who doesnt treat you right if theres a new one who does.
Reply 3
I mean you already tried to break up once and he blackmailed you into carrying on.
Get rid. He’s juvenile and vile along with it.
Get rid. He’s juvenile and vile along with it.
Reply 4
21
Original post
by chihuahua6378long story short exactly what the title says
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
1) It’s not clear that you do actually love your boyfriend.
2) Your boyfriend gave you a correct boundary regarding the terms of any future relationship and your response was to entertain another man. That tells you everything about you really want.
3) You seem a bit naive (no offense). The idea the other guy is more compatible based on one conversation is silly although not as silly as believing that he wouldn’t be talking to multiple people given that he’s never met you.
Reply 5
Original post
by chihuahua6378long story short exactly what the title says
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
been w my bf for 4 months (my first serious relationship) at first we hit it off, both obsessed w eachother, we got tg really rashly, didn’t put much thought into it before slapping on the bf+gf label, probably smth i regret, basically just got tg before i really got to know him and see his true colours
over time ive learnt we’re definitely not very compatible, hes so impatient and gets ****ed at me for just being me sometimes, he averages 3 slurs a day, he is 18 finished college staying at home on his pc all day, gambling as his source of income, he is also a sociopath btw, many times during the relationship we fought and i just felt unhappy and wanted to break up, but never really communicated this w him and just tried to resolve the issue then move on even tho our incompatibility made it inevitable conflicts like this would spring up again and again. i still valued our relationship and loved him tho so it was hard to just break up, it was just a case of the good times were good, smth you wouldn’t want to lose, but the bad times were bad, smth you’d rather just be rid of
he always said the conflict never undermined how much he valued the relationship and that he believed every couple had its incompatibilities, that no couple is perfect, that he’d in fact value a relationship where 2 ppl talk through and work through their differences and hence “build” on the relationship over a relationship that was already perfect, i disagreed but time and time again i tried to believe him and that we could “build” our relationship
it was around 1-2 weeks ago we argued over smth and i think that was the final straw bc i finally expressed to him maybe it would be best if we were just friends, he said he doesn’t do “just friends”, it’s either we’re in the relationship or we never talk again, i didn’t want to never talk again so i chose to stay. although i had been thinking abt breaking up w him the entire time i was with him, when actually faced with it i just couldn’t, i would be so hurt and miss him too much
last night i added a guy on snap, started talking, he started flirting w me and at no point did i mention i had a bf, he even at one point asked how many exes i had, i replied 1 and started describing my bf as if i had already broken up w him, we stay up until 4am talking, hes a much better person than my bf, we’re much more compatible (at least it seems that way so far), convo is very flirty and turns sexual at some points, hes not a quickadd final boss and says i’m the only girl hes talking to (i believe him), i can imagine hes a much better match for me
today i’ve just been crying all day bc i feel so guilty, every time i text my bf i immediately start crying bc of how bad i feel, idk what i should do now
i still love my bf and the thought of losing him hurts me so much
he sounds manipulative and borderline narcissistic. be careful. Leave while you still can girl
Reply 6
Original post
by Rakas21Not sure what you want people to say.
1) It’s not clear that you do actually love your boyfriend.
2) Your boyfriend gave you a correct boundary regarding the terms of any future relationship and your response was to entertain another man. That tells you everything about you really want.
3) You seem a bit naive (no offense). The idea the other guy is more compatible based on one conversation is silly although not as silly as believing that he wouldn’t be talking to multiple people given that he’s never met you.
1) It’s not clear that you do actually love your boyfriend.
2) Your boyfriend gave you a correct boundary regarding the terms of any future relationship and your response was to entertain another man. That tells you everything about you really want.
3) You seem a bit naive (no offense). The idea the other guy is more compatible based on one conversation is silly although not as silly as believing that he wouldn’t be talking to multiple people given that he’s never met you.
lol exactly what I thought. You’re not ready to commit to a relationship and need to understand no one will be completely compatible.
Reply 7
Just leave him already
Quick Reply
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