Am I in the wrong ?

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.

Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Reply 1

cksiu

Universities Forum Helper

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Do you have any offer from an uni close to home, or the course is not as preferable?

Maybe you could try moving them one by one, first talk privately to one of them, the one who has been more pitiful to you. Sometimes a deep conversation helps.

Reply 2

The_Coder

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Imagine that the positive of the better course and the negative of the higher cost cancel out. Which uni would you want to go to then? Do you want the independance of living by yourself? If you're still unsure then go to the close one if you want to prioritise money and the far one if you want to prioritise the knowledge and experience of the uni.

Also you're not in the wrong for considering your options since it is your future your deciding about. Gl bro, I gotta firm my choices soon too.

Reply 3

mike23mike

Its your life, your choice. You are taking on the debt in student loans so go where you feel is best. If its a uni in a large city (Manchester, Sheffield etc) then there will be plenty of part-time jobs.

Reply 4

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Hi there,

This sounds like a tricky situation, so I am sorry that you have been dealing with this. Your parents will just want the best for you, but it is hard sometimes when you want different things and I understand how you are feeling with this.

Firstly, I think that one of the most important things of going to university is the course, as this is what you will be studying and ultimately how you will get your degree. I think it is important to consider which course is better for you and this should play a big role in where you choose. If you prefer the course at the further away university, maybe try and make a list with both courses and why you prefer the courses further away. Your parent may understand a little bit more if they have things written down with specific things as to why you prefer the course which is further away.

I understand that if they are paying for it, they may have stronger opinions, but if you can find a part time job you should be ale to fund more of it yourself, so you should be able to have more of an input into where you go. As has been said, consider how likely you would be to be able to get a job - is it a big city? Or, you could have a look into campus jobs and see if there are any jobs that you could get working for uni as a student ambassador as these can be good jobs to get as they are quite flexible and fit around your studies, but you will still get some good hours.

Another thing to consider is if you want to move out. If you want to live in halls etc then it would be good to move to the further away Uni as you won't get another chance to do this. But if you aren't too bothered about this, then you have to just consider the course.

Ultimately, you are the one who is moving to university, so it is your choice. Sit down and talk to your parents about this and explain again (I am sure you have already) how much you would prefer the other Uni and how you will be happier there.

I hope this goes well for you,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 5

University of Bath

Official Rep

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Hi there,

Congrats on securing your offers! I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma but rest assured you aren't alone in being in this situation.

At the end of the day, you have to prioritise what will give you the uni life that you want - where will you enjoy studying more, where will you feel most at home, and where will help you get to where you want to be in the future?

Talk to your parents, and listen to them as well. Try and discuss the pros and cons of each uni and see if this helps.

One thing I'd say about moving away VS commuting (I've done both whilst at Bath!) was that whilst moving away did give me some more independence and means you can be on campus with everything around you, it does cost a lot of money and can be a bit more mentally difficult for someone who's family-orientated and a bit more introverted.

Commuting on the other hand is actually not as bad as you may think - you need to be more organised with getting to campus on time for your classes and need to make extra effort to put yourself out there and get involved with things so you don't miss out, but commuting doesn't have to limit your experience. Its cheaper, it provides a good separation between uni and home life, and if you work part-time too it means you can start to save up some money for the future. It has benefits as well as drawbacks 🙂

I hope this helps - best of luck and please shout if you have any more questions 🙂

University of Bath

Reply 6

freyaBU

Official Rep

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

It's completely normal to feel stressed about this decision. If you genuinely prefer the course at the uni that's further away, that's important. You'll be studying for a long time, and enjoying your course can make a huge difference to your motivation and future. Your parents concerns are understandable, especially money and distance. But if you're planning to use loans, savings and get a part time job, it's ok to explain that you've thought it through and feel confident about managing. Ultimately, it's your education and your experience.

Reply 7

Aleezay SOAS

Official Rep

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm currently deciding between staying at home and commuting or going to a uni which I think I would like the course more but is 6+- hours away. My parents think I should stay at home because 'they are the ones paying for it' even though I would be using the student loan and my savings plus i would get a part time job if I moved. Idk what to do because they are adamant that the uni that's far away has nothing to do and why go there (even if I prefer the course) if I can save money and stay at home so I can be close.
Idk it's making me doubt which uni I want to go to and it's stressing me out as the deadline is so close

Hi there, making a decision may be difficult and therefore considering the pros of each may be helpful in making a decision.

I commute to university, and for sure I've found living at home a cheaper option. In regards to making friends, I would recommend joining societies, attending events during Freshers'/ Welcome week. Living at home means you are of course closer to family, which can make the transfer from sixth form/college to university smoother as you are living with your support network, your family.

There are many pros of living in accommodation. You will develop independence as you will be away from family, don't let that make you scared as there is always support available at the accommodation and on campus. You are able to meet new people, socialise with flatmates.

Specifically about your situation, I think you should go to the study the course which you like. If the university is too far, living in accommodation may be a better option. You can try talking through the pros and cons of each with your family to help get to a decision which you and your family agree upon.

I hope this helps!

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