idk what to do with my relationship anymore
my partner and i have been together for a year and a half now and have for the most part been very happy together. we have great communication, love hanging out with each other, do little things for each other and our sex life is great, but a lot more infrequent than when we first were together - to be expected.
a couple weeks ago i found a toy centred around a porn star in our toy drawer and was disgusted (context: they were an addict at one point and is still getting over their addiction to porn), they tried to gaslight me and told me i had already seen it before and that they didn't know the person on the front - both of which were quickly debunked!! since then they've apologised a lot, understood what they did wrong, threw the toy away, have realised our relationship requires work rather than simply being a guarantee in their life, and has generally put a lot more effort into our relationship these past couple of weeks. i know they're very attracted to me but i can't get over the shock of finding it.
i'm still upset and it's affecting my work and personal life heavily. i cry on shift and can't get out of bed until midday. i move away for uni in september and they want to come with me and i don't think i'm ready to move in with them right now after this massive breach of trust in our relationship. we're currently on a break.
on one hand i genuinely see them as my future spouse + parent of my children and can't imagine my future without them, on the other hand i'm still hurting even after all the effort they're putting into our relationship and am losing my mind over what to do. idk if love is enough right now and idk what i should or even can do
a couple weeks ago i found a toy centred around a porn star in our toy drawer and was disgusted (context: they were an addict at one point and is still getting over their addiction to porn), they tried to gaslight me and told me i had already seen it before and that they didn't know the person on the front - both of which were quickly debunked!! since then they've apologised a lot, understood what they did wrong, threw the toy away, have realised our relationship requires work rather than simply being a guarantee in their life, and has generally put a lot more effort into our relationship these past couple of weeks. i know they're very attracted to me but i can't get over the shock of finding it.
i'm still upset and it's affecting my work and personal life heavily. i cry on shift and can't get out of bed until midday. i move away for uni in september and they want to come with me and i don't think i'm ready to move in with them right now after this massive breach of trust in our relationship. we're currently on a break.
on one hand i genuinely see them as my future spouse + parent of my children and can't imagine my future without them, on the other hand i'm still hurting even after all the effort they're putting into our relationship and am losing my mind over what to do. idk if love is enough right now and idk what i should or even can do
Reply 1
At some point between now and your first day at uni you should tell your boyfriend that you will no longer be exclusive with him and that you have no expectation that he will remain exclusive to you.
Be very firm about this. Do not let him talk you out of this.
This will probably result in the 2 of you breaking up.
Over the summer get into nutrition. Reading How Not To Die by Dr Greger from your local library will be a good introduction to nutrition. It's likely that what you're eating and drinking are contributory factors to you crying on shift and not getting out of bed till midday.
At uni go to all your lectures and tutorials, get all your assignments in on time, treat any exams as mini A levels for revising for them. On top of that focus on maintaining your health and quality of life and get active in your uni social life. Try to avoid settling into a cliquey social circle at uni. Aim to be constantly evolving who you spend time with socially.
Enjoy your summer before uni as best you can. And aim to make it productive in terms of you preparing yourself as well as reasonably possible to life as a fully functioning adult.
Be very firm about this. Do not let him talk you out of this.
This will probably result in the 2 of you breaking up.
Over the summer get into nutrition. Reading How Not To Die by Dr Greger from your local library will be a good introduction to nutrition. It's likely that what you're eating and drinking are contributory factors to you crying on shift and not getting out of bed till midday.
At uni go to all your lectures and tutorials, get all your assignments in on time, treat any exams as mini A levels for revising for them. On top of that focus on maintaining your health and quality of life and get active in your uni social life. Try to avoid settling into a cliquey social circle at uni. Aim to be constantly evolving who you spend time with socially.
Enjoy your summer before uni as best you can. And aim to make it productive in terms of you preparing yourself as well as reasonably possible to life as a fully functioning adult.
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