self esteem

context im asian lol i keep scoring 6s in maths no matter how much i study bc of silly mistakes. maths paper 2 has left me broken too, ive looked at the markscheme and ive done so poorly. i know everyone is disappointed in me bc everyone expects me to get 8s and 9s across the board. even my mom looked at me in shame. my friend gets frustrated that i dont understand maths and i feel stupid bc all my friends are grade 8-9 students in maths and i feel like my self worth is tied to my academic performance even if nobody voices it out loud ik thats what they think. they all look down on me, im not rly good at anything. perfectionism has left me depressed, scared i will lose everyone if i dont improve in this. i am doing poorly in sciences as well, which would be a let down bc i feel expected to pursue stem as i used to get all 8s and 9s across the board until 2024 when a series of traumatic events i wont say led me to be forced out of school for majority of yr 10 and yr 11. feels like ive missed out my prime development now im lagging behind everyone else bc theyre all so much better than me. ppl keep trying to cheer me up by saying im smart, but then i feel like a fake and its not true at all. then when i tell ppl theyre all like "just lock in" dude i studied over 200hrs combined between april-may. i have worked hard to improve. but i am scared for results day and i feel like my work is not even good enough. unlike some ppl who dont even do half as much to get similar grades. ive always known it since yr7 that ive hard to work 10x harder just to pass. after secondary, i doubt i will have any friends bc of how i havent lived up to how people expect me to be. plus, i have no social life. my parents r very overprotective like my curfew is at 6pm and im 16. i cant do sleepovers and so many parts of my life r restricted. i havent really tried to live. i kinda want to be better than everyone else, selfishly. but i dont think im made to be good. im scared that i wont be smart enough to go to university.

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post

by Anonymous

context im asian lol i keep scoring 6s in maths no matter how much i study bc of silly mistakes. maths paper 2 has left me broken too, ive looked at the markscheme and ive done so poorly. i know everyone is disappointed in me bc everyone expects me to get 8s and 9s across the board. even my mom looked at me in shame. my friend gets frustrated that i dont understand maths and i feel stupid bc all my friends are grade 8-9 students in maths and i feel like my self worth is tied to my academic performance even if nobody voices it out loud ik thats what they think. they all look down on me, im not rly good at anything. perfectionism has left me depressed, scared i will lose everyone if i dont improve in this. i am doing poorly in sciences as well, which would be a let down bc i feel expected to pursue stem as i used to get all 8s and 9s across the board until 2024 when a series of traumatic events i wont say led me to be forced out of school for majority of yr 10 and yr 11. feels like ive missed out my prime development now im lagging behind everyone else bc theyre all so much better than me. ppl keep trying to cheer me up by saying im smart, but then i feel like a fake and its not true at all. then when i tell ppl theyre all like "just lock in" dude i studied over 200hrs combined between april-may. i have worked hard to improve. but i am scared for results day and i feel like my work is not even good enough. unlike some ppl who dont even do half as much to get similar grades. ive always known it since yr7 that ive hard to work 10x harder just to pass. after secondary, i doubt i will have any friends bc of how i havent lived up to how people expect me to be. plus, i have no social life. my parents r very overprotective like my curfew is at 6pm and im 16. i cant do sleepovers and so many parts of my life r restricted. i havent really tried to live. i kinda want to be better than everyone else, selfishly. but i dont think im made to be good. im scared that i wont be smart enough to go to university.

First things first... Big-up your ego, amigo :smile:

It's easy to see what your peers are doing and comparing yourself to them makes you feel small; however, we only see them at the surface level, we don't know what else they're having to deal with that they're not telling us (for whatever reason). So I would suggest running your own race, regardless of how well everyone else is doing.

Look on the positives of what you've done. 200 hours over two months averages out to about 3 hours 20 mins a day, which certainly shows commitment, if nothing else. Not to mention having to come back from a period of absence. Without even knowing anything else about you, I'm quietly confident that you'll be pleasantly surprised when results day comes. Given the amount of hours you've put in, you'll probably do well enough to do "A" levels (or whatever your chosen steps in further education)… even if they're not the grades you wanted. On the hand, if the worst does happen, then you can re-sit your GCSE's at a college or a 6th form (I promise you'd Ace them if this did happen).

I'm sure your friends like you a lot more than you think they do. Even if they don't, there will always be the opportunity to make some new friends at college or 6th form. A fresh new environment can work wonders for people.

University entry requirements vary dramatically depending on what you want to study, and the reputation of the university (some are A LOT easier to get into than you'd think). Everything starts with a plan, so have a think about where and what you would like to study, and start to formulate a map to get there (well maybe enjoy the summer, "live a little", first... and start thinking about it when you see your results). I know what it's like to have strict parents... but if you really want some freedom to do your own thing, then that could be another incentive to strive to go to Uni.

I would also encourage you to use some of the education / learning sections of this board, where I'm sure you'll get lots of support and encouragement when the going gets tough. Oh, you could start your own blog for people to follow, where you can also express your feelings etc.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

context im asian lol i keep scoring 6s in maths no matter how much i study bc of silly mistakes. maths paper 2 has left me broken too, ive looked at the markscheme and ive done so poorly. i know everyone is disappointed in me bc everyone expects me to get 8s and 9s across the board. even my mom looked at me in shame. my friend gets frustrated that i dont understand maths and i feel stupid bc all my friends are grade 8-9 students in maths and i feel like my self worth is tied to my academic performance even if nobody voices it out loud ik thats what they think. they all look down on me, im not rly good at anything. perfectionism has left me depressed, scared i will lose everyone if i dont improve in this. i am doing poorly in sciences as well, which would be a let down bc i feel expected to pursue stem as i used to get all 8s and 9s across the board until 2024 when a series of traumatic events i wont say led me to be forced out of school for majority of yr 10 and yr 11. feels like ive missed out my prime development now im lagging behind everyone else bc theyre all so much better than me. ppl keep trying to cheer me up by saying im smart, but then i feel like a fake and its not true at all. then when i tell ppl theyre all like "just lock in" dude i studied over 200hrs combined between april-may. i have worked hard to improve. but i am scared for results day and i feel like my work is not even good enough. unlike some ppl who dont even do half as much to get similar grades. ive always known it since yr7 that ive hard to work 10x harder just to pass. after secondary, i doubt i will have any friends bc of how i havent lived up to how people expect me to be. plus, i have no social life. my parents r very overprotective like my curfew is at 6pm and im 16. i cant do sleepovers and so many parts of my life r restricted. i havent really tried to live. i kinda want to be better than everyone else, selfishly. but i dont think im made to be good. im scared that i wont be smart enough to go to university.

GCSE's are not the end of the world even if it feels like it right now. 6's are more than enough to take most A-level courses and GCSE's are just a massive memory test, most of it is just testing the extent of what you remember and doesn't hold too much value with actual A-level courses. Your passion for stem is still achievable and there are lots of options out there!

I'm sure your not fake even if you feel like it. Over 200 hours of work is more than what most people do anyways and you have worked hard even if you don't feel it. You being scared for results day is natural and okay to feel, but don't dwell on it too much as GCSE's are almost over and your summer is here to enjoy!!!

Your self worth isn't attached to your grade, and it's highly unlikely that you'd be losing people over it either. It is difficult not to hold regrets, but the best thing you can do is keep moving forwards with goals in your mind! Just know that you have put in hard work and lots of effort and that is what should matter the most.

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