depressed about A-LEVELS and UNI

VENT POST: i'm just feeling horrible rn. did my chemistry paper 2 and i'm afraid it was relentless. i'm a resit student taking bio, chem and psychology - during my gap year i figured out that i'm far more interested in Law than doing a degree in STEM. firmed an offer for Bristol Law for an AAB. i think i've managed to secure the AA for bio + psych but i've somehow managed to do worse in chemistry this year than the last (got a C) and i'm absolutely shattered. i know it's very unlikely for bristol to even consider me if i've missed the offer due to how competitive the course is unless many others miss their offers too but i highly doubt that. based on my friends, they A-Levels in history, politics, english lit etc went a lot better than the chemistry ones. i'm just a bit sad that i stuck to the subjects i did, especially chemistry as i'd never had any interest in them. i guess i'm just wallowing in my self-pity, i already know it's my own fault and i could have done better, chosen differently.
honestly, it's not even that i'm sad about missing a uni i've dreamed to go to. i'm sad that it was the only university my parents let me apply to that's far from where i live, the only uni where i had the chance to move out to. i'm just sick and tired of living in a home where my only purpose is to be controlled, to be hurt. this was my once chance to /escape/, and now i won't get that. now i'll have to live here for another 3 years until i'm eventually married off. my life is out of my hands and i'm absolutely distraught. i tried so hard i really did, leaving means everything to me. i just wanted to be able to do it in a way i wouldn't have to cut off my family forever, and i've practically lost that. i wanted to start fresh. i'm just hurting so much, i wish i could have done better. i crave independence like nothing else.
i know i can't change the past, i just have no one to speak to and i need to get this off my chest. i'm going to break on results day at the glee of my parents when they know i won't be able to move out. i just want to cry and scream but i can't, i'm not allowed to do that. i know someone will read this and think, well just stand up for yourself. just move out anyway. it's so hard. it's practically impossible. i know i should try harder, but maybe you're right in the fact that i'm unwillful and let myself suffer here. i'm just so tired. i wish someone could just see how much i'm hurting and just care in the slightest. i hate that i could never tell anyone how bad it is at home because it's just not /physical/ so it means nothing, because it's been ingrained into me that asking for help is betrayal in itself. i'm so sad.

VENT POST: i'm just feeling horrible rn. did my chemistry paper 2 and i'm afraid it was relentless. i'm a resit student taking bio, chem and psychology - during my gap year i figured out that i'm far more interested in Law than doing a degree in STEM. firmed an offer for Bristol Law for an AAB. i think i've managed to secure the AA for bio + psych but i've somehow managed to do worse in chemistry this year than the last (got a C) and i'm absolutely shattered. i know it's very unlikely for bristol to even consider me if i've missed the offer due to how competitive the course is unless many others miss their offers too but i highly doubt that. based on my friends, they A-Levels in history, politics, english lit etc went a lot better than the chemistry ones. i'm just a bit sad that i stuck to the subjects i did, especially chemistry as i'd never had any interest in them. i guess i'm just wallowing in my self-pity, i already know it's my own fault and i could have done better, chosen differently.
honestly, it's not even that i'm sad about missing a uni i've dreamed to go to. i'm sad that it was the only university my parents let me apply to that's far from where i live, the only uni where i had the chance to move out to. i'm just sick and tired of living in a home where my only purpose is to be controlled, to be hurt. this was my once chance to /escape/, and now i won't get that. now i'll have to live here for another 3 years until i'm eventually married off. my life is out of my hands and i'm absolutely distraught. i tried so hard i really did, leaving means everything to me. i just wanted to be able to do it in a way i wouldn't have to cut off my family forever, and i've practically lost that. i wanted to start fresh. i'm just hurting so much, i wish i could have done better. i crave independence like nothing else.
i know i can't change the past, i just have no one to speak to and i need to get this off my chest. i'm going to break on results day at the glee of my parents when they know i won't be able to move out. i just want to cry and scream but i can't, i'm not allowed to do that. i know someone will read this and think, well just stand up for yourself. just move out anyway. it's so hard. it's practically impossible. i know i should try harder, but maybe you're right in the fact that i'm unwillful and let myself suffer here. i'm just so tired. i wish someone could just see how much i'm hurting and just care in the slightest. i hate that i could never tell anyone how bad it is at home because it's just not /physical/ so it means nothing, because it's been ingrained into me that asking for help is betrayal in itself. i'm so sad.

I think a lot of people this year really struggled with chemistry - I assume you're doing AQA? AQA have been on a madness this year regarding the science subjects... You may do better than you think, as you're not the only one who would've found those papers difficult.
As for uni, I understand your family is controlling and Bristol is the only uni they actually agreed to but would it still be possible for you to get into a other uni through clearing? (That's if you don't make the grades). I completely understand uni being your only opportunity of leaving an abusive situation, and I'm sorry that you feel like that opportunity has escaped you. I guess, if you were to get into a different uni through clearing, they can't physically stop you from leaving but I can imagine they'll try and control you in other ways.
I would really recommend trying to get into somewhere else through clearing, though, if things do go wrong on results day. I'm obviously unsure how financially feasible this is for you but you do deserve to leave this situation that's causing you so much pain.

Hi, A-levels and Uni are going to be one of the most challenging times of your life, and I think having family that affects your mental health is quite a compromise, and it seems like you are suffering with that issue.
I hope you know that you're not alone and if you need support, we're here...even just to listen.
It seems like you're really craving independence and I feel that there are small ways to get that within university, even if you have to live at home, you should push back a little if you can safely.
Also, make sure to access mental health support at uni, cause uni is a whirlwind.

Reading your post makes me so sorry for you! Although you feel trapped, hopefully a place at Bristol will still be possible.
I was just wondering why your parents have allowed you to apply to Bristol as the only university where you would need to live away from home. They will let you live at Bristol, but why only Bristol?
Take care
Annie

Omg we must be the same person rn bc im going through the same thing. Im resitting bio and chem, im holding a conditional offer for my course and i genuinely believe Im not getting in after that Chemistry paper 2 like im not even exaggerating, I also got a C last year, and feel like this year was so much worse. And I know it for a fact. After one gap year, I really need to go to uni this september, and I completely feel the same about how this is my once chance to move out and gain independence and not be stuck in a toxic household where im controlled :,(

oh my god ☹️ i got a C last year too! the worst part is, i'd genuinely thought my exams went alright last year and i'd get away with a B... but clearly not. this year i don't even have the confidence in myself to say they went well, the exams this year just went so terribly bad i'm having nightmares of getting a U and honestly that might not be too far off. i can't get lower than last year, i really can't. i'm so scared.
and same, there's no next chance - this IS the last chance. we really are in the same boat. i genuinely hope from the bottom of my heart that we both make it out of here, it's just too suffocating isn't it? what's your offer, if you don't mind me asking.

my offer is BBB, i already have a B from last year, i feel like bio went better this year so hopefully ive managed a B in that but chem is a whole different story. i cant believe its going worse when i had a whole year to prepare as well ☹️ and same if i get worse than last year........ idek what ill do. I applied for DHT which honestly is my dream course, sat interviews for it and everything, but genuinely at this point I think if i don't meet it, ill go through clearing and do a biomedical science/biological science eventhough i lowkey do not want to, i just really need to be in uni, maybe i can do my dream course post grad idk im definitely not sitting alevels again and same🙂 hopefully we both get in and make it out im rooting for us.

we got this, good luck!! your uni might be more lenient if it's less popular, you never know! have you applied elsewhere for DHT? what's your backup? honestly, if it makes you feel any better i've worked at a dentist's as a receptionist and know a few dental hygienists who went to portsmouth and cardiff and said they were lenient on results day for them. i know some who'd just done a diploma instead of a degree too!

u too good luck!! 😭unfortunately its not less popular, its kcl, and as far as i know they aren't lenient,, i have no backup choice as I knew biomed would be in clearing and stupidly also thought that there was no way i wouldnt meet my offer hahhaa. and omg thats honestly good to hear, im on the waitlist for cardiff so hopefully that means something. have u got a backup option?

oh my goodness i’m in the same boat too! i resat bio and chem for OCR (i also got a C for chem last yr) and i don’t know i feel like bio was better this yr but i just did my chem paper 3 and i some how messed it up today after finding the other two papers good. now i’ve got the worst headache ever and can’t enjoy my summer since im so worried about getting the grades i need to get into uni*

VENT POST: i'm just feeling horrible rn. did my chemistry paper 2 and i'm afraid it was relentless. i'm a resit student taking bio, chem and psychology - during my gap year i figured out that i'm far more interested in Law than doing a degree in STEM. firmed an offer for Bristol Law for an AAB. i think i've managed to secure the AA for bio + psych but i've somehow managed to do worse in chemistry this year than the last (got a C) and i'm absolutely shattered. i know it's very unlikely for bristol to even consider me if i've missed the offer due to how competitive the course is unless many others miss their offers too but i highly doubt that. based on my friends, they A-Levels in history, politics, english lit etc went a lot better than the chemistry ones. i'm just a bit sad that i stuck to the subjects i did, especially chemistry as i'd never had any interest in them. i guess i'm just wallowing in my self-pity, i already know it's my own fault and i could have done better, chosen differently.
honestly, it's not even that i'm sad about missing a uni i've dreamed to go to. i'm sad that it was the only university my parents let me apply to that's far from where i live, the only uni where i had the chance to move out to. i'm just sick and tired of living in a home where my only purpose is to be controlled, to be hurt. this was my once chance to /escape/, and now i won't get that. now i'll have to live here for another 3 years until i'm eventually married off. my life is out of my hands and i'm absolutely distraught. i tried so hard i really did, leaving means everything to me. i just wanted to be able to do it in a way i wouldn't have to cut off my family forever, and i've practically lost that. i wanted to start fresh. i'm just hurting so much, i wish i could have done better. i crave independence like nothing else.
i know i can't change the past, i just have no one to speak to and i need to get this off my chest. i'm going to break on results day at the glee of my parents when they know i won't be able to move out. i just want to cry and scream but i can't, i'm not allowed to do that. i know someone will read this and think, well just stand up for yourself. just move out anyway. it's so hard. it's practically impossible. i know i should try harder, but maybe you're right in the fact that i'm unwillful and let myself suffer here. i'm just so tired. i wish someone could just see how much i'm hurting and just care in the slightest. i hate that i could never tell anyone how bad it is at home because it's just not /physical/ so it means nothing, because it's been ingrained into me that asking for help is betrayal in itself. i'm so sad.

VENT POST: i'm just feeling horrible rn. did my chemistry paper 2 and i'm afraid it was relentless. i'm a resit student taking bio, chem and psychology - during my gap year i figured out that i'm far more interested in Law than doing a degree in STEM. firmed an offer for Bristol Law for an AAB. i think i've managed to secure the AA for bio + psych but i've somehow managed to do worse in chemistry this year than the last (got a C) and i'm absolutely shattered. i know it's very unlikely for bristol to even consider me if i've missed the offer due to how competitive the course is unless many others miss their offers too but i highly doubt that. based on my friends, they A-Levels in history, politics, english lit etc went a lot better than the chemistry ones. i'm just a bit sad that i stuck to the subjects i did, especially chemistry as i'd never had any interest in them. i guess i'm just wallowing in my self-pity, i already know it's my own fault and i could have done better, chosen differently.
honestly, it's not even that i'm sad about missing a uni i've dreamed to go to. i'm sad that it was the only university my parents let me apply to that's far from where i live, the only uni where i had the chance to move out to. i'm just sick and tired of living in a home where my only purpose is to be controlled, to be hurt. this was my once chance to /escape/, and now i won't get that. now i'll have to live here for another 3 years until i'm eventually married off. my life is out of my hands and i'm absolutely distraught. i tried so hard i really did, leaving means everything to me. i just wanted to be able to do it in a way i wouldn't have to cut off my family forever, and i've practically lost that. i wanted to start fresh. i'm just hurting so much, i wish i could have done better. i crave independence like nothing else.
i know i can't change the past, i just have no one to speak to and i need to get this off my chest. i'm going to break on results day at the glee of my parents when they know i won't be able to move out. i just want to cry and scream but i can't, i'm not allowed to do that. i know someone will read this and think, well just stand up for yourself. just move out anyway. it's so hard. it's practically impossible. i know i should try harder, but maybe you're right in the fact that i'm unwillful and let myself suffer here. i'm just so tired. i wish someone could just see how much i'm hurting and just care in the slightest. i hate that i could never tell anyone how bad it is at home because it's just not /physical/ so it means nothing, because it's been ingrained into me that asking for help is betrayal in itself. i'm so sad.