#HotTopics: Is authenticity compromised in the effort to be accepted?
Many people find themselves navigating the fine line between staying true to who they are and meeting the expectations of others. Whether it is in the way we dress, express our thoughts, or explore our personal interests, the pressure to fit in can quietly yet powerfully shape our choices.
So I ask you: what does being authentic mean to you, and have you ever felt that authenticity was challenged or still being challenged?
#HotTopics
So I ask you: what does being authentic mean to you, and have you ever felt that authenticity was challenged or still being challenged?
#HotTopics
Reply 1
i find that authenticity is totally compromised! naturally, everyine changes personalities somewhat when talking to and interacting with other people, whether it be with figures of authority or your best friend however i tend to find that when talking to people in my year/ same age, if i feel intimidated by them socially i will make myself seem more appealing to them in attempts of giving them less to talk about me behind their back
yes this isnt a foolproof method as people will alwyas talk about what they want if they choose to however i think i do this to try and prevent bullying from happening, and so in turn it is a self defence method that comes from my flight or fight trigger in whether i choose to be vulnerable and utterly real, at the risk of completely exposing myself or if i choose to alter certain aspects of my personality to fit their definition of "normal", to prevent completely exposing myself
really interesting to think about this so thanks!
yes this isnt a foolproof method as people will alwyas talk about what they want if they choose to however i think i do this to try and prevent bullying from happening, and so in turn it is a self defence method that comes from my flight or fight trigger in whether i choose to be vulnerable and utterly real, at the risk of completely exposing myself or if i choose to alter certain aspects of my personality to fit their definition of "normal", to prevent completely exposing myself
really interesting to think about this so thanks!
Original post
by daisy.ch2i find that authenticity is totally compromised! naturally, everyine changes personalities somewhat when talking to and interacting with other people, whether it be with figures of authority or your best friend however i tend to find that when talking to people in my year/ same age, if i feel intimidated by them socially i will make myself seem more appealing to them in attempts of giving them less to talk about me behind their back
yes this isnt a foolproof method as people will alwyas talk about what they want if they choose to however i think i do this to try and prevent bullying from happening, and so in turn it is a self defence method that comes from my flight or fight trigger in whether i choose to be vulnerable and utterly real, at the risk of completely exposing myself or if i choose to alter certain aspects of my personality to fit their definition of "normal", to prevent completely exposing myself
really interesting to think about this so thanks!
yes this isnt a foolproof method as people will alwyas talk about what they want if they choose to however i think i do this to try and prevent bullying from happening, and so in turn it is a self defence method that comes from my flight or fight trigger in whether i choose to be vulnerable and utterly real, at the risk of completely exposing myself or if i choose to alter certain aspects of my personality to fit their definition of "normal", to prevent completely exposing myself
really interesting to think about this so thanks!
I think it’s really interesting that you’ve connected this to a sort of defence mechanism and I understand the instinct to want to control the narrative before it’s written without you. But you’re absolutely right, people will say what they want, no matter how much we try to make ourselves more 'acceptable' to them. I hope you are able to reach a point where you are able to be your complete authentic self.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Reply 3
no worries, really nice to have a thought provoking prompt like this!
thank you, there are a couple of people who i really can be completely authentic and im really thankful to have them in my life but its funny how even some close friends dont get the whole complete self of me
thank you, there are a couple of people who i really can be completely authentic and im really thankful to have them in my life but its funny how even some close friends dont get the whole complete self of me
I have to admit that sometimes I'm not sure whether my choices and actions are authentic and to what degree they are influenced by environmental factors (e.g. my upbringing, the people around me, general societal standards, etc.). I don't really think it's possible to say with any certainty.
Reply 5
20
Surprised that this isn't a bigger topic in terms of replies tbh.
I like Rousseau on this, even if he was a hypocrite who jibbed off his kids to float around being a workshy, priggish Mountebank.
I think that some degree of self-censorship is probably necessary to get through the day, especially if you work with other people or work under a boss. This is the main way in which I rein myself in - though not enough, my managers would probably say. But they know that I am reining it in, and they know my actual feelings about whatever the thing is. I tend not to compromise much on anything else. I largely do things the way I think works best, and will ignore directions to the contrary if I don't think they will work or be efficient (that's not to say I am stubborn about it - if there's evidence that doing things another way will work, then great).
I don't pare down how I look, even in work.
I felt some pressure to fit in when I was primary age. But I got bored of that, and as soon as I had any serious pushback by bullies, I fought them and got left alone. So in a lot of ways I have avoided much of the influences that might sway me one way or the other. One way that I do toe the line, though, is with manners and what I see as 'proper' behaviour. Someone like Rousseau would say I have been lured into groupthink and I am consequently living inauthentically. But I disagree with that - I think opting in is ok if you have thought about the why.
I like Rousseau on this, even if he was a hypocrite who jibbed off his kids to float around being a workshy, priggish Mountebank.
I think that some degree of self-censorship is probably necessary to get through the day, especially if you work with other people or work under a boss. This is the main way in which I rein myself in - though not enough, my managers would probably say. But they know that I am reining it in, and they know my actual feelings about whatever the thing is. I tend not to compromise much on anything else. I largely do things the way I think works best, and will ignore directions to the contrary if I don't think they will work or be efficient (that's not to say I am stubborn about it - if there's evidence that doing things another way will work, then great).
I don't pare down how I look, even in work.
I felt some pressure to fit in when I was primary age. But I got bored of that, and as soon as I had any serious pushback by bullies, I fought them and got left alone. So in a lot of ways I have avoided much of the influences that might sway me one way or the other. One way that I do toe the line, though, is with manners and what I see as 'proper' behaviour. Someone like Rousseau would say I have been lured into groupthink and I am consequently living inauthentically. But I disagree with that - I think opting in is ok if you have thought about the why.
Original post
by CatusStarbrightI have to admit that sometimes I'm not sure whether my choices and actions are authentic and to what degree they are influenced by environmental factors (e.g. my upbringing, the people around me, general societal standards, etc.). I don't really think it's possible to say with any certainty.
Do you feel your choices and actions are more authentic now than they were when you were younger?
Original post
by gjd800Surprised that this isn't a bigger topic in terms of replies tbh.
I like Rousseau on this, even if he was a hypocrite who jibbed off his kids to float around being a workshy, priggish Mountebank.
I think that some degree of self-censorship is probably necessary to get through the day, especially if you work with other people or work under a boss. This is the main way in which I rein myself in - though not enough, my managers would probably say. But they know that I am reining it in, and they know my actual feelings about whatever the thing is. I tend not to compromise much on anything else. I largely do things the way I think works best, and will ignore directions to the contrary if I don't think they will work or be efficient (that's not to say I am stubborn about it - if there's evidence that doing things another way will work, then great).
I don't pare down how I look, even in work.
I felt some pressure to fit in when I was primary age. But I got bored of that, and as soon as I had any serious pushback by bullies, I fought them and got left alone. So in a lot of ways I have avoided much of the influences that might sway me one way or the other. One way that I do toe the line, though, is with manners and what I see as 'proper' behaviour. Someone like Rousseau would say I have been lured into groupthink and I am consequently living inauthentically. But I disagree with that - I think opting in is ok if you have thought about the why.
I like Rousseau on this, even if he was a hypocrite who jibbed off his kids to float around being a workshy, priggish Mountebank.
I think that some degree of self-censorship is probably necessary to get through the day, especially if you work with other people or work under a boss. This is the main way in which I rein myself in - though not enough, my managers would probably say. But they know that I am reining it in, and they know my actual feelings about whatever the thing is. I tend not to compromise much on anything else. I largely do things the way I think works best, and will ignore directions to the contrary if I don't think they will work or be efficient (that's not to say I am stubborn about it - if there's evidence that doing things another way will work, then great).
I don't pare down how I look, even in work.
I felt some pressure to fit in when I was primary age. But I got bored of that, and as soon as I had any serious pushback by bullies, I fought them and got left alone. So in a lot of ways I have avoided much of the influences that might sway me one way or the other. One way that I do toe the line, though, is with manners and what I see as 'proper' behaviour. Someone like Rousseau would say I have been lured into groupthink and I am consequently living inauthentically. But I disagree with that - I think opting in is ok if you have thought about the why.
I was hoping you'd post on this thread.
Plenty here for me to think about, especially the part about working under a boss. I'm not sure how much of my feelings I should actually share about things. I like to think of myself as an honest person at times!
Reply 8
20
It's not always easy. I share a lot with students but not much at all with staff - it's a conscious decision. I'm not at work to make friends, you know. And I watch what I say more generally in work than I do basically anywehre else. I imagine many of us do!
When I was a much younger man, I was much more reactive and volatile, and my bosses at the time were often the targets of that. Usually fairly, in principle, it has to be said. I was not in what you'd describe as 'good' jobs. But better not to be that person and make a rod for your own back if it can be helped, and there is a balance to be struck. My ma used to say 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it' and there's truth to that.
In my current gig, one of my bosses likes how I do things and doesn't question it much. The other pushed back a lot, but has recently seen my engagement stats etc and has now done a bit of an about turn (with me if ot with some colleagues). I've not been unreasonable or nasty to him, but I had been awkward and uncooperative, and perhaps a bit 'short' - all a side effect of me not believing int he mission statement
I can be quite difficult to manage if I think the system is wrong. Anyway, we understand each other much better now, although he complains that I like to fly under the radar and get things done quietly - all about PR in education, unfortunately.
The other thing I don't do (in front of bosses) is swear. That is HARD for someone like me. My language is very industrial unless the little man is around, and I come froma background of building sites, docks, and chemical plants - so you can imagine. But better to rein it in when you can.
I don't think this diminishes authenticity, though other people certainly do. I opt to do that to make things easier for myself and to respect the shared social and professional space. A self-limiting decision like that actually expresses authenticity, I think.
When I was a much younger man, I was much more reactive and volatile, and my bosses at the time were often the targets of that. Usually fairly, in principle, it has to be said. I was not in what you'd describe as 'good' jobs. But better not to be that person and make a rod for your own back if it can be helped, and there is a balance to be struck. My ma used to say 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it' and there's truth to that.
In my current gig, one of my bosses likes how I do things and doesn't question it much. The other pushed back a lot, but has recently seen my engagement stats etc and has now done a bit of an about turn (with me if ot with some colleagues). I've not been unreasonable or nasty to him, but I had been awkward and uncooperative, and perhaps a bit 'short' - all a side effect of me not believing int he mission statement
I can be quite difficult to manage if I think the system is wrong. Anyway, we understand each other much better now, although he complains that I like to fly under the radar and get things done quietly - all about PR in education, unfortunately.The other thing I don't do (in front of bosses) is swear. That is HARD for someone like me. My language is very industrial unless the little man is around, and I come froma background of building sites, docks, and chemical plants - so you can imagine. But better to rein it in when you can.
I don't think this diminishes authenticity, though other people certainly do. I opt to do that to make things easier for myself and to respect the shared social and professional space. A self-limiting decision like that actually expresses authenticity, I think.
(edited 6 months ago)
Not sure really. If I change how I act or dress or even change how I think/my opinions on certain things based on the people I associate with, is that being inauthentic or is that simply my own character developing (for better or worse)? I guess I'm not sure I believe there is an immutable authentic self to begin with.
Possibly in some ways as I have a more developed personality, but most likely not as I've had many more years and layers of social conditioning.
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