is my boyfriend even interested in me anymore?

hi so basically he was so obsessed with me at the start of dating always wanting to see me. it’s making me cry talking about this because i don’t know if it’s just my new mirena coil hormones making me feel this way or it’s actually true.
this could just be his personality and everything could be totally fine but i’m just scared lol and feel so bad. the whole of last week he didn’t once ask to meet up or catch up. i asked for him to see me for a few hours at mine and then i asked to see him last night after my shift.
all i want is to spend time with him and actually have a nice time. i never even ask for anything else and im an easy going person to say the least. i don’t need to go anywhere special to have a good time i just need company sometimes which we all do when we are in a relationship. but some weeks he’s been like that also and sometimes he can ask if i’m available and whatever but not often tbh. he just says he misses me all the time but never does anything about it.
he was drunk on friday and kept saying he’s sorry for not making effort recently and kept repeating it. i felt like i was heard and how it wasn’t all in my head. i thought maybe im over thinking and what not.
the next day when he was sober he said it again and i just thought that he knows but still hasn’t even asked if he would like to see me. so he hasn’t acted up on it.
he is lovely, caring and does seem to care about me a lot and that’s why i feel confused. it’s just he doesn’t seem to value my time a lot or sometimes i just feel like im just a girlfriend to him and how i probably am more interested in him than he is towards me.
i just feel a bit upset and hope that it’ll get better this week.

hey just wanted to say im in the exact same situation with my partner of a year - we had a chat and i cried and he was upset that im upset over his avoidant actions (also not setting up dates or talking to me as often), its clear he - like your partner, OP, - is caring and loving. so reading Eilryls response helped me too, thank you.
The only advice I can give is communicate - i feel so much better after crying in front of my partner and really getting my feelings known, I know my bf is going through stuff thats made him super avoidant and keeps to himself a lot (he's doing it to all his family and friends), but I cant help but blame myself for it and be negative, feel like he doesnt love me etc etc, and now ive told him and hes explained his side I feel a lot more comfortable with things. Sure, i still want to meet up more, but I feel like i can fight those anxious thoughts away a little. So yeah, make sure your partner knows how he's making you feel, even if he cant help it or its unintended. Your feelings matter just as much as his.

Hi thanks for responding so kind of you. sorry you went thru similar too it’s not nice! so glad it’s helped tho letting it all out.
i just had a rant with my sister and she said she doesn’t think he’s interested. I thought so too. but we could both be wrong but my best friend also thinks he’s not doing the best he could. but he could be going through things and i love him to bits but at the same time it just feels like we never have a proper convo either cos he doesn’t seem bothered . 😕

Hi thanks for responding so kind of you. sorry you went thru similar too it’s not nice! so glad it’s helped tho letting it all out.
i just had a rant with my sister and she said she doesn’t think he’s interested. I thought so too. but we could both be wrong but my best friend also thinks he’s not doing the best he could. but he could be going through things and i love him to bits but at the same time it just feels like we never have a proper convo either cos he doesn’t seem bothered . 😕

just curious but how long have you been with him? additionally, how long had you known him before dating?

hi so basically he was so obsessed with me at the start of dating always wanting to see me. it’s making me cry talking about this because i don’t know if it’s just my new mirena coil hormones making me feel this way or it’s actually true.
this could just be his personality and everything could be totally fine but i’m just scared lol and feel so bad. the whole of last week he didn’t once ask to meet up or catch up. i asked for him to see me for a few hours at mine and then i asked to see him last night after my shift.
all i want is to spend time with him and actually have a nice time. i never even ask for anything else and im an easy going person to say the least. i don’t need to go anywhere special to have a good time i just need company sometimes which we all do when we are in a relationship. but some weeks he’s been like that also and sometimes he can ask if i’m available and whatever but not often tbh. he just says he misses me all the time but never does anything about it.
he was drunk on friday and kept saying he’s sorry for not making effort recently and kept repeating it. i felt like i was heard and how it wasn’t all in my head. i thought maybe im over thinking and what not.
the next day when he was sober he said it again and i just thought that he knows but still hasn’t even asked if he would like to see me. so he hasn’t acted up on it.
he is lovely, caring and does seem to care about me a lot and that’s why i feel confused. it’s just he doesn’t seem to value my time a lot or sometimes i just feel like im just a girlfriend to him and how i probably am more interested in him than he is towards me.
i just feel a bit upset and hope that it’ll get better this week.

so true. about 3 months dating and known each other for four months.
so not a long relationship. that’s why i’m scared. i’ve been in a long relationship before and he spoke to me more often and that’s what im used to:/
so maybe im just not used to this kind of thing.

oh that is very short to be already having these problems, definitely just have a conversation with him if you havent already and decide if its worth pursuing, I know my partner enough to know this is just a phase for him, but you probably dont know him enough

I've been having a similar issue with my boyfriend of about a year but we've communicated (and argued) a lot over that time and right now are in a good place. I realised I have an anxious attachment style, whilst he has an avoidant attachment style - it sounds like it's the same in your dynamic. You might want to bring it up to your boyfriend as a way for both of you to figure out why you're both behaving the way you are. He has to put in some work to give you reassurance (tell him what would make you feel more reassured) and you have to put in the work to not rely so heavily on reassurance (pick up on the other signs of love and affection such as acts of service (one of the types of love language)). Working on your own self esteem and your fear of abandonment is a worthwhile endeavour. He's recognised that he's not putting in effort too, so have a conversation with him about why he thinks he's doing that, what is he afraid of, does he realise how it's affecting you? You might not get it out of him straight away but don't be afraid to start difficult conversations to get to the bottom of an issue and don't be afraid to leave a relationship if it's not providing you with the love and care you want and need. He likely has a fear of abandonment as well, so staying distant is his way of keeping himself safe but actually does the opposite as it prevents you two developing a strong bond.
I've also found since starting anti-anxiety meds that I feel generally safer and calmer in the relationship, I'm not worrying about it all the time. That might be one option to consider if anxiety affects many aspects of your life.

Hi sorry didn’t see your reply. i’m so sorry you’ve been through it!!
It’s just we’ve only been dating a few months and i’m just worried it won’t get better :/
My sister says that he doesn’t seem interested and plus when we message he just doesn’t seem to want to have a proper convo or anything:/
maybe i’m overthinking but oh well

What job/studies does he do and how "full time" is that -- with my partner he just started a full time job at a more stressful position so I know thats taking most of his time and mind-space, maybe thats happening? ofc it doesnt excuse your partner not giving you time too but it helps explain your worries away. If hes studying something not intense rn (like its not exams or uni stuff) or his job isnt full time then there is no excuse

we work together but often have similar days off or have time to see each other. we work at a pub
he does work a few hrs more than me and he probs is tired which i get but there’s so much time. we live so close and he does other things.

ok yeah thats suspicious or just disheartening then, i live an hour away from mine and we still made it work, he needs to try harder

yeah i may just soeak to him but im not sure how to bring it up. might message and say “what did you mean by u not making an effort can u expand?”

hey just wanted to say im in the exact same situation with my partner of a year - we had a chat and i cried and he was upset that im upset over his avoidant actions (also not setting up dates or talking to me as often), its clear he - like your partner, OP, - is caring and loving. so reading Eilryls response helped me too, thank you.
The only advice I can give is communicate - i feel so much better after crying in front of my partner and really getting my feelings known, I know my bf is going through stuff thats made him super avoidant and keeps to himself a lot (he's doing it to all his family and friends), but I cant help but blame myself for it and be negative, feel like he doesnt love me etc etc, and now ive told him and hes explained his side I feel a lot more comfortable with things. Sure, i still want to meet up more, but I feel like i can fight those anxious thoughts away a little. So yeah, make sure your partner knows how he's making you feel, even if he cant help it or its unintended. Your feelings matter just as much as his.

What kind of stuff is he going through? I think my bf is going through something similar but not sure if its still his responsibility to not lash out to me you know wim?
Would be good to hear your perspective

he broke up with me the other week. he was interested just dealing with mental health issues so i'm very worried. not sure if i should tell his parents :/