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Medicine Personal statement- help!!

I started my personal statement by criticising. My teacher said it's too negative.

it starts with a personal story in medicine about being dismissed from my GP and how it's very prevalent for women in general to experience medical misogyny. I finish by explaining that more care is needed equally and how this led me to research further about medicine. I proceed to describe my work experience.

How should I alter it?

Reply 1

Original post
by blabfish
I started my personal statement by criticising. My teacher said it's too negative.
it starts with a personal story in medicine about being dismissed from my GP and how it's very prevalent for women in general to experience medical misogyny. I finish by explaining that more care is needed equally and how this led me to research further about medicine. I proceed to describe my work experience.
How should I alter it?

Hi,

Starting a personal statement with a personal story is very effective but opening with criticism alone may risk coming across as confrontational or too negative for a personal statement which is meant to show passion and insight into a particular field.

I would keep the story but reframe the tone of it. Instead of focusing on the negative side of the story, reframe it as a moment of motivation and awakening. Focus on what your learnt from it and why it made you want to be part of the solution. Don't remove the emotion or impact of the story but rather, shape it with maturity and reflection. Follow on from the anecdote with a positive pivot - explain quickly after why it has steered you towards working in the medical field.

Read over your personal statement at the end and adjust the tone and then get feedback again from your teacher.

Best of luck!

Reply 2

That’s good but Yh as the person above said, don’t make it sound aggressive. Also you could include maybe a small research article you read about it or a few statistics to make it sound like you really delved into it. But it still should be a very concise part of your statement. Prioritise work experience and volunteering (if done) and maybe about the subjects you take and how they would help you in Medicine.

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