Third year…

Hi all, long time no see, hope you are well.
I’ve just finished my second year of HSPS at Cambridge. And I had extenuating circumstances but I kind of flipped but am I am also genuinely too stupid to be here. Admissions team made a mistake in admitting here. I’ve vbeen here for two years and still barely know how to revise meanwhile everyone is getting a first left right and centre. I got a low 2,1 in first year but I did leave things to the exam term while also having so so many extra curriculars and internship applications and obviously everything else that comes from being a state educated, second generation immigrant whose first language isn’t English, and just the emotional exhaustion of fitting into the atmosphere, most staff are nice but sometimes the micro aggressions just get too much, when it’s already so intense and stressful studying here.
This year (second year), I got a 2.1 overall but the module breakdown is 65,65,59,58. There’s huge variance in what the examiners marked apart - for the 65, one examiner gave it a 68, the other a 64/63 or something, and that is genhinely the only time I felt very passionate and actually interested and engaged in the paper. For the other exam module I got a 65 in, part of it was an essentially bevause my supervisor told me an original argument to write. That’s the only essay I’ve ever got a 69 (lol) in.
The others - I thought I was on track for at least a 60 but very obviously not. I just flopped and I can’t even appeal because the disparity in what the two examiners have is wide but not wide enough according to department procedures (yayyyyyyyy1!1!1!1!1)
Honestly I used to like my degree but I just hate it, especially this year, half of the papers were just so so boring, and I’m just studying it bevause it’s one of the more prestigious track options for HSPS. The third year options are not too limited but I can’t find many that I’m interested in - if there are one in my region, I KNOW I would eat it up. But honestly even in my dissertation it’s interesting but I don’t know if I’m passionate enough. I try to be positive and power through but I am just lying to myself and repressing all the disillusionment I feel - not just academic wise but due to social and personal experiences ive had.
I cannot imagine myself graduating from Cambridge next year. I don‘r even know if I can get a 2.1. And third year counts for 100%.
Should I intermit? Should I just leave to another university? I don’t want to give up when I’ve come so far but honestly I barely got into Cambridge and I thiugh A Levels were challenging but this is a WHOLE new ball game and it just feels so intense and now that third year is approaching it actually is sinking in.
And for some context - I’m state-educated,, first gen, dysgraphic, studied literally all day every day in exam term (and consistently throughout second year - much more than in first year) but still literally flopped), and female on a male dominated course, not the type of person who has a social net but very much needs a high/decent paying corporate job or any job in a sector that is transformative and obviously grades are so so important

Sorry i know this is not related but HSPS is male dominant?

Hiya,
I hope you don't mind me butting in. I know zilch about HSPS (I studied music) and am from The Other Place (i.e. an Oxford alumna - so not knowledgeable about Cambridge) but I happened to stumble across this thread last night and just wanted to offer a few thoughts of comfort/advice.
You seem to be putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself, which then causes you to spiral/catrastrophise (to use the above user's terminology!) and be really harsh on yourself when things don't go as planned. I think this is causing more harm than good and that it would help if you could relieve yourself of some of the pressure you're under. To that end, I wonder (and you must excuse my ignorance regarding this question!) whether it's too late to change your 'track option' for HSPS at this stage? It may well be one of the more prestigious tracks you're on atm but that's little use if you're uninterested in it and end up getting a poor degree classification. If you *can* change, maybe it'd be worth dropping notions of prestige and high-paying jobs (I appreciated that's not easily done when you're from a high-pressure ethnic background. I'm South Asian myself, so I get it!), and changing to something you are more talented at, or more naturally interested in?
You mention dysgraphia and not knowing how to revise. Do you have proper support in place for your dysgraphia, and have you told your DoS or any other lecturers that you struggle to know how to revise effectively? When I was at Oxford, I found my college tutors were willing to provide extra support with study skills, even though it wasn't technically part of their expected remit. Your DoS will want you to succeed and I'd hope they'd be willing to support you with the difficulties you've been having.
One way to develop better study skills is to study and revise with friends. Different people have different learning styles and you might learn some tips that work for you. You implied you don't have a social network. Do you have supervision partners you could may befriend and study with? This could help you to feel more integrated into Cambridge life.
You stated you feel your getting into Cambridge was a mistake. This may sound weird but have you asked your DoS why they chose you and whether they regret choosing you? It can feel cringeworthy asking, but would probably result in a helpful conversation. I spent a whole year thinking I was stupid and letting my college tutor at Oxford down. When I finally broke down in him and said I didn't know why I was at Oxford, etc. he was genuinely SO upset and aghast that I felt that way, and had gone a whole academic year thinking that. He told me I'm very intelligent and did his best to reassure me and boost my confidence.
Finally, I'm really sorry to hear about the microaggressions you've experienced If it's happening consistently with a specific person, then it may be worth making a log of everything said and dates/times/any witnesses, and considering reporting it to someone

I'm glad Cambridge has been helpful and quick to act, re: adjustments for your dysgraphia
It can take a while to get used to the Oxbridge way of learning and how to write essays for the exams, and there's no shame in that I meant to say in my earlier post that your 59 and 58 marks weren't that far off the 2.1 mark, so you shouldn't feel that you 'flopped' or that you wouldn't be able - with practice and the benefit of an extra academic year! - to get those marks up to 2.1 standard for your final year. 2.1s and near-2.1s are not a flop - particularly at this stage
Just to clarify: is PIR the track you're in atm, and the one you were saying doesn't have appealing options for third year? If you're feeling burnt out and like some time away might help you regain your energy/mojo for the subject (track), then it may be worth intermitting. To address another question you asked, about changing unis: I think trying to change unis at this stage of the degree could prove difficult, particularly financially if you're getting student loans to cover tuition fees and living expenses. I don't know realistically how many unis would let you transfer straight into the third year of their degree. So you might have to repeat second year if you move unis.
Family and cultural pressures can be so hard and intense to navigate. Try and be kind to yourself and not let those pressures (whether internalised, or external from family members/community expectations) flatten you

Hi all, long time no see, hope you are well.
I’ve just finished my second year of HSPS at Cambridge. And I had extenuating circumstances but I kind of flipped but am I am also genuinely too stupid to be here. Admissions team made a mistake in admitting here. I’ve vbeen here for two years and still barely know how to revise meanwhile everyone is getting a first left right and centre. I got a low 2,1 in first year but I did leave things to the exam term while also having so so many extra curriculars and internship applications and obviously everything else that comes from being a state educated, second generation immigrant whose first language isn’t English, and just the emotional exhaustion of fitting into the atmosphere, most staff are nice but sometimes the micro aggressions just get too much, when it’s already so intense and stressful studying here.
This year (second year), I got a 2.1 overall but the module breakdown is 65,65,59,58. There’s huge variance in what the examiners marked apart - for the 65, one examiner gave it a 68, the other a 64/63 or something, and that is genhinely the only time I felt very passionate and actually interested and engaged in the paper. For the other exam module I got a 65 in, part of it was an essentially bevause my supervisor told me an original argument to write. That’s the only essay I’ve ever got a 69 (lol) in.
The others - I thought I was on track for at least a 60 but very obviously not. I just flopped and I can’t even appeal because the disparity in what the two examiners have is wide but not wide enough according to department procedures (yayyyyyyyy1!1!1!1!1)
Honestly I used to like my degree but I just hate it, especially this year, half of the papers were just so so boring, and I’m just studying it bevause it’s one of the more prestigious track options for HSPS. The third year options are not too limited but I can’t find many that I’m interested in - if there are one in my region, I KNOW I would eat it up. But honestly even in my dissertation it’s interesting but I don’t know if I’m passionate enough. I try to be positive and power through but I am just lying to myself and repressing all the disillusionment I feel - not just academic wise but due to social and personal experiences ive had.
I cannot imagine myself graduating from Cambridge next year. I don‘r even know if I can get a 2.1. And third year counts for 100%.
Should I intermit? Should I just leave to another university? I don’t want to give up when I’ve come so far but honestly I barely got into Cambridge and I thiugh A Levels were challenging but this is a WHOLE new ball game and it just feels so intense and now that third year is approaching it actually is sinking in.
And for some context - I’m state-educated,, first gen, dysgraphic, studied literally all day every day in exam term (and consistently throughout second year - much more than in first year) but still literally flopped), and female on a male dominated course, not the type of person who has a social net but very much needs a high/decent paying corporate job or any job in a sector that is transformative and obviously grades are so so important

for my course, external examiners from other top universities repeat tine and again that the department sometimes under marks work

Surely this means then that your department is marking students below where they actually should be (hence, under marked) and so you are actually performing at a higher level than your grades suggest? Which would indicate there isn't much to worry about should the marks be moderated upwards to address this...? Unless I am misunderstanding your concern here.

Gosh, I remember you from way back when. I'm glad to hear you got in to Cambridge, but not so glad to read that things haven't gone well for you. How are things now?
What has your DoS said about all this? I'm not sure on the structure of HSPS (it was just SPS when I was there) - does it have a two-year Part I? If it does, then have you thought about doing your Part II in a different Tripos if you hate SPS now? Would be preferable to leaving.

Likewise haha. Thanks. Fine, I’m just nervous about final year. Am definitely feeling much better than when I initially posted this.
HSPS has a two year Part II and a one year Part I. I think I was just very burnt out when I wrote this because my interest in it has been rekindled and I’m reading so much more now. I do also prefer it to any other tripos. For sure

Omg I’m so sorry for my delay in replying!! Appreciate that and it was a huge relief that they acted so quickly.
Thanks I appreciate that. I just worry that I won’t figure it out completely in third year, based on my grades overall from both first year and second year (low 2.1) or that examiners may be extremely strict (for my course, external examiners from other top universities repeat tine and again that the department sometimes under marks work). I fortunately received some examiners comments from some of my modules which highlighted a few characteristics which I can take forward. I think it’s one thing to read the mark scheme and and another to put it into practice.
Yes of course, I’m happy to clarify - I’m currently studying the PIR track and it’s not possible to switch. Since starting the reading for my option papers, I have found the PIR options more interesting than at the time of writing but I’m still so so anxious, and worry about all the ‘catching up’ I need to do since the stakes are so high. My finalist friends are anxious too but knowing that the final year counts for 100% inevitably puts on a lot of pressure.
That makes a lot of sense - thanks, I wasn’t too sure about the process of and prospects of transferring universities. I think if I am proactive, supported and make the most of Cambridge’s resources, I can at least make it through another year.
Appreciate it.
Thank you for your help☺️I know you’ve already spent some time answering - so feel free to ignore this question - but I was just wondering how you prepared for music essays/exams (not just in exam term but for lectures, tutorials, mock exams etc)? Music is obviously assessed quite differently from HSPS but I’d love to hear how you went about ‘cracking the code for your exams - especially when there are so many abstract, competing interpretations right?

Oh, that is good then 🙂. TSR can be quite cathartic like that. A good break over the summer should help, though I remember feeling like I had to do more work than I really wanted to.
And how about the rest of Cambridge - are you happy with the college, your friendship group, all that malarky?

Oh I'm glad you're finding your interest in the topics/paper options coming back - that's really heartening to hear! It's very understandable to be anxious about everything resting on third year grades. It can feel quite punitive in some respects. Though I once heard a lecturer in my Faculty say at an open day (when asked about why everything rests on third year exams alone) something along the lines of, "we are assessing/grading you at the peak of your degree performance". That wasn't the way I saw it at the time, but it can be a useful perspective to hang onto
Ahhhh, I'm not the best person to ask about exam technique tbh! The music degree at Oxford also rests 100% on third year exam papers and portfolio submissions. Unfortunately I developed bad psychosis in my third year, and so I sat my Finals having done 1/2 a day's revision for one compulsory paper, and having skim-read a Wikipedia page relating to an optional paper. That was literally all the revision I was able to muster at the time And I walked out of 1/3 of my exams (i.e. 25% of my degree!) without finishing the papers - so got Thirds in those exams, oops My marks for Finals ranged from 41-70!
What I did notice though, from second year going into third year, was that Firsts seemed to be given (in mock exams - we call them collections - or the actual exams) for papers where scholars were directly referenced (not quoted verbatim, but like saying "Joe Bloggs mentions, in his noteworthy volume 'Blah Blah Blah' (Year Citation), how the concept of A is intrinsic to the developing understanding of theory B"). So like not just arguing for and against an essay title, or addressing the essay question, but directly referring to existing scholarship. Also, in the examiner's report for my Finals, in one paper, the examiner (presumably the person who gave the corresponding lectures for the topic) complained how all the examples cited by students as case studies were the same ones given in the lectures: people hadn't used their initiative to come up with their own examples. So those are two tips I can offer

I cant like your post for some reason but wow thank you so much!
Oh that’s an interesting perspective I think I share the same mixed feelings as you 😅
Sorry to hear about that but I’m so glad you pulled through and congratulations on those achievements, especially in the circumstances! :hug:
Ohhh I see. Thank you so so much for your advice and for clearly explaining, it makes so much more sense!! 🙂✨ I think that correlates with some of my grades tbh - our degrees are also predominantly assessed via (closed book) exams - and the papers where I had the clearest, most specific explanation of theories did better than those were my brain just panicked and forgot everything / where I didn’t memorise it enough and confused recognition with memorisation.

No worries at all! Yes Oxford (and Cambridge too, by the sounds of it) seems to like one memorising author names/book titles/dates/theoretical concept names, etc. for exams - so if you can get into the practice of doing that, that might help. Though of course you have to also practice explaining the concepts and making sure you don't just randomly name-drop without explaining the significance of things.
I really wish you the very best of luck! Do feel free to keep us posted in this thread on how you're doing, and if we can support you any further

For sure😅 yeah it’s very easy to feel like that sometimes (all the time). Trueeee. you studied archaeology right?
Yesss I am thank you!! It took some time in first year to settle in and find the right people etc etc but everything else is good.

You are so unfailingly lovely and supportive, TLG. I don't know what we'd do without you