I think I am in a toxic relationship. Need advise asap
So I been dating my bf for a year he is 26 and I am 20. I am still a virgin. Which I feel like that’s why we been having a lot of trouble in our relationship because he is sexual frustrated. You are probably wondering why we haven’t had sex yet. Well he cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship. I forgave him and took him back and then he did it again. So all of that happen and I was still trying to move on from what happen since I decide to stay in the relationship. After we hit our first year we went on a break and then he slept with the same girl again. The reason why is because we haven had sex yet. I do love him which is why it’s hard for me to leave. A part of me feels like if I give him my virginity he wouldn’t cheat. We have tried to have sex tho but the tip only fitted and I feel like it’s because the thought of what if he cheats again. Beside sex being an issue in our relationship he says he don’t feel loved and I’m not affectionate which I am. So I’m just confused.he says he loves me but sometimes I don’t feel it because how could he hurt me and then do it again and again. Any advise. We both wanna work things out.
Reply 1
I think you need to ask yourself whether someone who genuinely cared for you, would cheat on you multiple times because they were sexually frustrated.
Reply 2
From his point of view he wants to work out how to have sex with with you.
Once he's had sex with you a few times, he'll have been there and gotten the T shirt. At that point he may stay with you in an exclusive relationship for a while longer. Or he may not. He may have sex with other women within a couple of months of having sex with you.
He is more likely to cheat on you if you go ahead and have sex with him.
He will say whatever he thinks it will take to unlock your chastity.
His actions show that he doesn't regard the 2 of you as being in an exclusive relationship. This would be OK if he were totally honest about it. But he's one of those guys that won't be fully totally open and honest, because he's too attached to saying what he thinks he ought to say to get what he wants.
Right now your boyfriend will be feeling a lot of "sunken cost fallacy". He'll feel that he's invested 12 months into you, and he'll keep investing till he gets what he wants.
If you were to meet the right man, there's a high chance you'd be having sex with him within 3 months of first dating him. Because everything would feel right and you'd be confident that you'd be doing the right thing on going on a sexual adventure with him.
I think you already instinctively know this: withholding or granting sex as a way to get a man to behave how you want is completely the wrong way to go about things.
If the man is right for you, go ahead and have a sexual relationship with him. If he isn't; have a sexual relationship with someone else (even if that someone else is yourself).
Never embark on a relationship with a man in the hope that he will change for the better.
Embark on the basis that he will change for the worse. With him appearing to be so good from the outset that even if changes somewhat for the worse, you'd still want to have him.
If there were a shortage of good (enough) men, it might make sense to stick with Mr Twenty Six.
But there isn't. There's an abundance of good to great to men. So there's no logical reason at all why you should stick with him.
And there's no logical reason why you should delay breaking up with him. The sooner you break-up the sooner you'll be free to get yourself the man you're destined to get.
Once he's had sex with you a few times, he'll have been there and gotten the T shirt. At that point he may stay with you in an exclusive relationship for a while longer. Or he may not. He may have sex with other women within a couple of months of having sex with you.
He is more likely to cheat on you if you go ahead and have sex with him.
He will say whatever he thinks it will take to unlock your chastity.
His actions show that he doesn't regard the 2 of you as being in an exclusive relationship. This would be OK if he were totally honest about it. But he's one of those guys that won't be fully totally open and honest, because he's too attached to saying what he thinks he ought to say to get what he wants.
Right now your boyfriend will be feeling a lot of "sunken cost fallacy". He'll feel that he's invested 12 months into you, and he'll keep investing till he gets what he wants.
If you were to meet the right man, there's a high chance you'd be having sex with him within 3 months of first dating him. Because everything would feel right and you'd be confident that you'd be doing the right thing on going on a sexual adventure with him.
I think you already instinctively know this: withholding or granting sex as a way to get a man to behave how you want is completely the wrong way to go about things.
If the man is right for you, go ahead and have a sexual relationship with him. If he isn't; have a sexual relationship with someone else (even if that someone else is yourself).
Never embark on a relationship with a man in the hope that he will change for the better.
Embark on the basis that he will change for the worse. With him appearing to be so good from the outset that even if changes somewhat for the worse, you'd still want to have him.
If there were a shortage of good (enough) men, it might make sense to stick with Mr Twenty Six.
But there isn't. There's an abundance of good to great to men. So there's no logical reason at all why you should stick with him.
And there's no logical reason why you should delay breaking up with him. The sooner you break-up the sooner you'll be free to get yourself the man you're destined to get.
Reply 3
Hear hear. Trust your instinct. Equally. Do not feel any pressure to have full sex. Take your time building up trust mutual pleasure each other. Learning what make’s each other tick.?Then in time if it feels right for you. You be
Much more at ease. All the more pleasant experience & little if any regrets.
Much more at ease. All the more pleasant experience & little if any regrets.
Reply 4
There is more than a hint here that you think it is your fault that he cheated because you haven't had sex with him. It is not. It is entirely his own fault that he has cheated on you once, let alone three times. He does not love you and does not respect you. You deserve so much better than him. There really is nothing to be confused about here. He is a serial cheater who you never can trust because he has demonstrated to you multiple times that he has no regard for your feelings, emotions or wellbeing. End this relationship and find someone better, which frankly shouldn't be very hard to do based on what you've written here.
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