Life’s falling apart
I’ve posted on here about my boyfriend lying to me before (funnily enough it was exactly a year ago today). I thought we got past it and I was slowly building my trust in him again. But apparently I’m just an idiot again.
Just to give you the gravity of the situation I’m in now:
I’m 21 and from north wales and he’s 23 from London. Life happens and I came to move down to London to we can live together and start a kind of life together. He was spending the weekend at the house with me (room in a shared house) since he hasn’t moved in properly yet (only been here since July 4th). We’re watching TV when he shows me something on his phone and when he swipes up to delete all the tabs I saw what I thought was tinder. Got him to open it and let me look through it and it looked inactive so I made him delete it in front of me. He apologised and said he must’ve just forgot to delete it after we got together… I wanted to believe him so I let it go since it looked pretty inactive to me.
I saw another app next to it though that looked dating-like (bright colours, font etc) but I was so shocked to see tinder I didn’t press him about it at the time. Just remembered about it now and googled it and YEP ITS ANOTHER DATING APP. I went and made a fake profile to see if he’s on it or maybe when he was last on it and his profile has pictures of him that HE TOOK FOR ME as recently as April 2024 (we started our relationship in Sep 2022).
We jointly signed a 6 month lease literally not even 3 ******* weeks ago. I moved my whole life here for him, I enrolled in a teacher training course in London which starts in a month and I’m not sure if I’ll be on the hook for that too if I don’t cancel that soon.
When I caught him lying last year I told him if I ever caught him in a lie again that it was over… but I love him so much I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t want to be a mug and stay with someone that is a habitual liar but I also don’t wanna leave at the same time.
I feel embarrassed that if I do break it off (which I probably have to) everyone is just going to say ‘told you so’
I feel like an absolute ******* idiot and I don’t know what to do
Just to give you the gravity of the situation I’m in now:
I’m 21 and from north wales and he’s 23 from London. Life happens and I came to move down to London to we can live together and start a kind of life together. He was spending the weekend at the house with me (room in a shared house) since he hasn’t moved in properly yet (only been here since July 4th). We’re watching TV when he shows me something on his phone and when he swipes up to delete all the tabs I saw what I thought was tinder. Got him to open it and let me look through it and it looked inactive so I made him delete it in front of me. He apologised and said he must’ve just forgot to delete it after we got together… I wanted to believe him so I let it go since it looked pretty inactive to me.
I saw another app next to it though that looked dating-like (bright colours, font etc) but I was so shocked to see tinder I didn’t press him about it at the time. Just remembered about it now and googled it and YEP ITS ANOTHER DATING APP. I went and made a fake profile to see if he’s on it or maybe when he was last on it and his profile has pictures of him that HE TOOK FOR ME as recently as April 2024 (we started our relationship in Sep 2022).
We jointly signed a 6 month lease literally not even 3 ******* weeks ago. I moved my whole life here for him, I enrolled in a teacher training course in London which starts in a month and I’m not sure if I’ll be on the hook for that too if I don’t cancel that soon.
When I caught him lying last year I told him if I ever caught him in a lie again that it was over… but I love him so much I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t want to be a mug and stay with someone that is a habitual liar but I also don’t wanna leave at the same time.
I feel embarrassed that if I do break it off (which I probably have to) everyone is just going to say ‘told you so’
I feel like an absolute ******* idiot and I don’t know what to do
Reply 1
7
Oh wait it gets better
Just checked that profile I found again and it says he’s a Cancer when he told me his bday is 5th Nov
Just checked that profile I found again and it says he’s a Cancer when he told me his bday is 5th Nov
Reply 2
It takes the challenging times in our lives to make the make the good times seem really good.
Right now you have a challenging time.
Best course of action is to dump the boyfriend. Today.
Do some research to help you decide if you'd be better off doing the teacher training elsewhere. Eg at a provincial city instead of London. If you would, cancel the lease and the course in London. And sort out the course and accommodation elsewhere.
If this course in London is still a great choice for you, go ahead and keep the lease and do the course. Or maybe cancel the lease, live somewhere else in London and still do the course.
In 6 months time this will all be behind you and you'll be in a better place. With the possibility of you having a better boyfriend than what you have now.
The short term pain of breaking up will be well worth it in the medium to long term.
Right now you have a challenging time.
Best course of action is to dump the boyfriend. Today.
Do some research to help you decide if you'd be better off doing the teacher training elsewhere. Eg at a provincial city instead of London. If you would, cancel the lease and the course in London. And sort out the course and accommodation elsewhere.
If this course in London is still a great choice for you, go ahead and keep the lease and do the course. Or maybe cancel the lease, live somewhere else in London and still do the course.
In 6 months time this will all be behind you and you'll be in a better place. With the possibility of you having a better boyfriend than what you have now.
The short term pain of breaking up will be well worth it in the medium to long term.
Reply 3
Original post
by EleanorldI’ve posted on here about my boyfriend lying to me before (funnily enough it was exactly a year ago today). I thought we got past it and I was slowly building my trust in him again. But apparently I’m just an idiot again.
Just to give you the gravity of the situation I’m in now:
I’m 21 and from north wales and he’s 23 from London. Life happens and I came to move down to London to we can live together and start a kind of life together. He was spending the weekend at the house with me (room in a shared house) since he hasn’t moved in properly yet (only been here since July 4th). We’re watching TV when he shows me something on his phone and when he swipes up to delete all the tabs I saw what I thought was tinder. Got him to open it and let me look through it and it looked inactive so I made him delete it in front of me. He apologised and said he must’ve just forgot to delete it after we got together… I wanted to believe him so I let it go since it looked pretty inactive to me.
I saw another app next to it though that looked dating-like (bright colours, font etc) but I was so shocked to see tinder I didn’t press him about it at the time. Just remembered about it now and googled it and YEP ITS ANOTHER DATING APP. I went and made a fake profile to see if he’s on it or maybe when he was last on it and his profile has pictures of him that HE TOOK FOR ME as recently as April 2024 (we started our relationship in Sep 2022).
We jointly signed a 6 month lease literally not even 3 ******* weeks ago. I moved my whole life here for him, I enrolled in a teacher training course in London which starts in a month and I’m not sure if I’ll be on the hook for that too if I don’t cancel that soon.
When I caught him lying last year I told him if I ever caught him in a lie again that it was over… but I love him so much I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t want to be a mug and stay with someone that is a habitual liar but I also don’t wanna leave at the same time.
I feel embarrassed that if I do break it off (which I probably have to) everyone is just going to say ‘told you so’
I feel like an absolute ******* idiot and I don’t know what to do
Just to give you the gravity of the situation I’m in now:
I’m 21 and from north wales and he’s 23 from London. Life happens and I came to move down to London to we can live together and start a kind of life together. He was spending the weekend at the house with me (room in a shared house) since he hasn’t moved in properly yet (only been here since July 4th). We’re watching TV when he shows me something on his phone and when he swipes up to delete all the tabs I saw what I thought was tinder. Got him to open it and let me look through it and it looked inactive so I made him delete it in front of me. He apologised and said he must’ve just forgot to delete it after we got together… I wanted to believe him so I let it go since it looked pretty inactive to me.
I saw another app next to it though that looked dating-like (bright colours, font etc) but I was so shocked to see tinder I didn’t press him about it at the time. Just remembered about it now and googled it and YEP ITS ANOTHER DATING APP. I went and made a fake profile to see if he’s on it or maybe when he was last on it and his profile has pictures of him that HE TOOK FOR ME as recently as April 2024 (we started our relationship in Sep 2022).
We jointly signed a 6 month lease literally not even 3 ******* weeks ago. I moved my whole life here for him, I enrolled in a teacher training course in London which starts in a month and I’m not sure if I’ll be on the hook for that too if I don’t cancel that soon.
When I caught him lying last year I told him if I ever caught him in a lie again that it was over… but I love him so much I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t want to be a mug and stay with someone that is a habitual liar but I also don’t wanna leave at the same time.
I feel embarrassed that if I do break it off (which I probably have to) everyone is just going to say ‘told you so’
I feel like an absolute ******* idiot and I don’t know what to do
You clearly do not trust this man, and you seem to have concrete reasons as to why you shouldn't. You've already given him an ultimatum regarding lying, and nothing has changed. He knows you're in love with him, and he assumes you will stay no matter what.
I understand that you feel like a fool, and you're worried what others might say. It's not really very important though: friends will support you, and those who don't weren't (or aren't) friends after all. The important thing is that you make the right choice for you - and no-one here can tell you what that is. Personally, I wouldn't want to be serially lied to, and I suspect you don't, either. He's not going to change - and you have your answer there. The next step is to actually have to act on that knowledge, and that's going to be the difficult part.
When he whines and *****es and promises you that it will never happen again, what are you going to do? Stand firm? Soften, then melt and capitulate? Practically, do you have some idea how you could make it work, with both your teaching course and living arrangements?
Reply 4
U could start new since u moved your life there - so take advantage of that and start that new job, be a new you and hopefully everything will get better bc im sorry if im being insensitive but if hear done it befor he’s going to do it again and that mean you’ll be in deeper which u may want to avoid IM AWARE ITA NIT EASY TO BREAK UP BUT THIS IS A GOOD CHANCE AMD CAN BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE💪🏽
Reply 5
Do whatever you believe in and stick to your guns. Make sure if you get yourself away from him, it's done in a proper way (so signing that lease is obv a thing you don't want to do right?) I would just prioritise yourself and while it may feel like the end of the world now, you will get out, you will make it <3
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