Girl I’m dating only wants to meet near/convenient to her
Am I overreacting???
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
Reply 1
Assuming you're both old enough for sexual activity, which you probably are if you live the other side of London from each other. Then you should very much welcome meeting her as close to her place as possible - if you and her can have some privacy where she lives. The closer to her place you meet the better.
Don't book restaurants for dates with her. Don't do anything that will cost you over £20. She needs to show more commitment towards you in order for you to start going on lavish dates.
Go to whatever next date you've arranged with her.
For the date after that invite her to something on a specific day very close to where you live, or even to your place if you know each other well enough for that. If she says she can't come tell her that's it's fine and you'll go ahead and do whatever it was without her, with you sounding a little bit pleased or relieved that she turned this date down.
If she tries to move the date say something like "I'm sorry that you can't make it to (whatever you invited to). That's fine. I'll go without you."
From then on, look to more or less alternate it. Her choice of venue followed by yours. If she ducks out of one of your choices, you can playfully tease her about it in a jokey way, whilst sticking to your guns that it's your turn to decide.
There are 3 things that you should never let your romantic partner conquer in your life:
Your time
Your humour
Your reactions
At the moment she's conquering your valuable time by you travelling when it's unfair and you'd prefer not to.
It sounds like you've been doing OK so far on not letting her conquer your humour and reactions.
Don't book restaurants for dates with her. Don't do anything that will cost you over £20. She needs to show more commitment towards you in order for you to start going on lavish dates.
Go to whatever next date you've arranged with her.
For the date after that invite her to something on a specific day very close to where you live, or even to your place if you know each other well enough for that. If she says she can't come tell her that's it's fine and you'll go ahead and do whatever it was without her, with you sounding a little bit pleased or relieved that she turned this date down.
If she tries to move the date say something like "I'm sorry that you can't make it to (whatever you invited to). That's fine. I'll go without you."
From then on, look to more or less alternate it. Her choice of venue followed by yours. If she ducks out of one of your choices, you can playfully tease her about it in a jokey way, whilst sticking to your guns that it's your turn to decide.
There are 3 things that you should never let your romantic partner conquer in your life:
Your time
Your humour
Your reactions
At the moment she's conquering your valuable time by you travelling when it's unfair and you'd prefer not to.
It sounds like you've been doing OK so far on not letting her conquer your humour and reactions.
Reply 2
21
If you like her, I’d live with it. It isn’t the biggest of deals and as you get to know her better you’ll find out what it’s all about and be able to influence better without souring the relationship. If it really is driving you nuts, she’s probably not the one
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousAm I overreacting???
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
I don't think it's necessarily a "bad" thing, but if it's not something you're happy with then that might say you're not compatible.
I had a similar issue, but with friends. They would always make me walk 45 minutes to meet up with them near their houses that were like 5 minutes away. Even if we agreed to meet in the town, which my house was still much further away from than theirs, I would always end up being asked to walk to that spot. Like I said, not necessarily a bad thing, but the reason I'm mentioning it is over time it made me just... not want to meet them. Not out of laziness, just built up frustration over how inconsiderate it was made me not enjoy meeting up anymore. You can see why this would become a problem in a romantic relationship lol
Difference is, I brought this up to them. Nothing changed so I distanced myself from them to not waste my time. So, you should really bring this up to her! Open communication is key in a relationship, and if she reacts negatively, maybe this isn't the right girl for you. But it's up to you to judge how important it is. If you don't bring it up you might start to mildly resent that part of her, and that never brings good results :]
Reply 4
Of course this must be frustrating and feel like a lack of effort but I think it’s worth having a conversation about it with her. Is there a reason behind this beyond just laziness. Is she scared to be that far from home at a late hour?? Do either of you drive? I don’t know if you are male or female but if this is a typical hetero relationship she may feel it is safer for you to be further from home than it is for her? If you really like her, talk with her. It’s possible she’s taking advantage but it is equally possible that she has a genuine reason. I personally would rather stick close to home, particularly with someone new (you don’t specify how long you have been interacting with or dating this girl). You don’t know her history either, maybe she is avoiding a specific area of London because of her past. I’m not saying allow her to take you for a ride but communicate with her. “I’ve noticed you’ve changed our dates to closer to where u live, is there a particular reason for this?”. See what she says. If she’s not making a mug of you she will likely give you the honest answer. Then you can decide whether it’s something you’re able to compromise with her on or if it’s a deal breaker. Without talking to her you will just build up resentment and it won’t work out anyway. JUST TALK TO HER 🙂
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousAm I overreacting???
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
I’m dating this girl and I’ve noticed a pattern that’s really starting to frustrate me. Whenever we make plans, she always tries to make them as convenient as possible for herself, without any consideration for me.
For example she lives in West London. If we agree to meet somewhere central, she’ll agree at first. Then, usually the day before, she’ll text me something like, “Hey, how about we meet at this place instead?” I’ll check the map and see it’s slightly west of our original plan (so I know she’s just trying to make it closer to her but its not a huge change, so I say okay that’s fine)
But then, on the actual day, she’ll message AGAIN with, “Hey, just saw this place which looks really nice, can we go here instead?” And this new place ends up being even further west basically next to where she lives. I know exactly what she’s doing: slowly shifting plans to make them closer to her but trying to do it in a subtly way thinking I won’t notice.
This happens every single time we go to meet up..
Even when I make firm plans like booking a restaurant in central, she’ll agree at first, but then the day before or morning she’ll say, “That’s too far, sorry,” and cancel, which is annoying but at least when it’s a firm plan she has to be honest and direct to cancel rather than trying to manipulate me going west.
We’re supposed to meet again soon, and I didn’t want to go through the same cycle of her subtly changing plans. So this time I made the effort myself and suggested a park near where she lives. She said that’s great and agreed to meet at the station where my train arrives (on the east side of the park). But then she just text me again saying “can we meet at this entrance?” I’ll check on the map and it’s the west side of the park…
Honestly, this really annoyed me. I’m already going out of my way to travel to her area, and now she wants me to walk further just to make it even easier for her.
I genuinely like her a lot she’s great, we get along really well when we meet up but this pattern makes me feel like she’s being selfish and not considering my time or energy at all.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for girls to do this???? or is this a red flag?
Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated
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