The Student Room Group

Male CoWorker Interacts with everybody except me

Hello. I am new to the student room and I just wanted some perspective on this topic. I started working at a cafe called The Kiss Cafe in February and I have been there for five months now and the next month will be six months. The staff members there are pretty friendly and there is one young lady who I already knew before I go there because I went to school with her. Most of the staff members gave me a warm welcome except one male co worker who said hello but the way he said it, it was not a friendly greeting but it did not come off as rude either. It was neutralized. However he has not put no effort into getting to know me as a coworker. I have seen him greet everybody else along with talking and joking with them as well but with me, his interaction is stand offish. I first I gave him the benefit you of the doubt thinking he does not like new people which is understandable because some staff members are like that towards new people and it takes time for them to adjust to new people but here is the crazy part. I am a dishwasher and he is a food prep. They just hired another new dishwasher last month and this same male coworker who is acting stand offish with me gave him a more friendly greeting and is already befriending him and does not know him from a can of paint. Anytime I ask a question, his answers are short and direct. If he is having a conversation with someone and I just happen to join in, he stops talking. He won't make eye contact with me and only speaks to me in regards of the job itself. He does not say good morning to me but indeed will say good morning to everybody else. Sometimes the tone in his response to my questions are cold and uncaring. He won't even offer to help me with anything but he is happy to offer everyone else help with something if all his work is done. I have tried to initiate a conversation with him a few times just to see if he will engage and he barely makes a response. He will shrug his shoulders or give a direct and short response and continue to do his work with nothing else said. I have gotten to the point where I don't even say anything to him anymore unless it's related to the job. Please let me know what you think. I don't have a good feeling about these red flags that I am detecting in his behavior towards me.

Reply 1

None of this is 'crazy', they might just not like you much, no crime in that considering they are being professionally civil.

Reply 2

It seems trivial to me.

Reply 3

Original post
by StriderHort
None of this is 'crazy', they might just not like you much, no crime in that considering they are being professionally civil.

Okay. I guess that's pretty fair to say. All I can do is except it and move on. I just wanted to make sure I was not exaggerating the situation into something that it's not. It's like you said, he is being civil about it, so it is what it is. Thank you for your input.

Reply 4

Original post
by ageshallnot
It seems trivial to me.

It is what it is. Thank you for your input.

Reply 5

It is worth reporting to your supervisor. In confidentiality.
If only because you may stop working there and he may be like that with your replacement.
He may have a history of doing this.
There's also the effect on your morale, which is worth discussing with your supervisor.

...And thinking about it, it's possible that he might put in negative words about you with his supervisor. In such situations it's always much better to be the first to make a report.

In having this sort of chat, in the right way with your boss, you should score brownie points with him or her.

Welcome to the world of petty corporate politics! Getting good at navigating through this sort of stuff will help you a lot if you want to become one of those people that climbs the corporate ladder.

There will be a reason for his stand-offishness. It's likely to be a really stupid, nonsensical reason. But that's how some people are. Overly judgemental on the tiniest of things.

Reply 6

Original post
by Anonymous
Hello. I am new to the student room and I just wanted some perspective on this topic. I started working at a cafe called The Kiss Cafe in February and I have been there for five months now and the next month will be six months. The staff members there are pretty friendly and there is one young lady who I already knew before I go there because I went to school with her. Most of the staff members gave me a warm welcome except one male co worker who said hello but the way he said it, it was not a friendly greeting but it did not come off as rude either. It was neutralized. However he has not put no effort into getting to know me as a coworker. I have seen him greet everybody else along with talking and joking with them as well but with me, his interaction is stand offish. I first I gave him the benefit you of the doubt thinking he does not like new people which is understandable because some staff members are like that towards new people and it takes time for them to adjust to new people but here is the crazy part. I am a dishwasher and he is a food prep. They just hired another new dishwasher last month and this same male coworker who is acting stand offish with me gave him a more friendly greeting and is already befriending him and does not know him from a can of paint. Anytime I ask a question, his answers are short and direct. If he is having a conversation with someone and I just happen to join in, he stops talking. He won't make eye contact with me and only speaks to me in regards of the job itself. He does not say good morning to me but indeed will say good morning to everybody else. Sometimes the tone in his response to my questions are cold and uncaring. He won't even offer to help me with anything but he is happy to offer everyone else help with something if all his work is done. I have tried to initiate a conversation with him a few times just to see if he will engage and he barely makes a response. He will shrug his shoulders or give a direct and short response and continue to do his work with nothing else said. I have gotten to the point where I don't even say anything to him anymore unless it's related to the job. Please let me know what you think. I don't have a good feeling about these red flags that I am detecting in his behavior towards me.

Unfortunately, we occasionally have to interact with people who we don't like and vice versa. Sometimes, it's just a simple person/ personality clash and there's nothing you can do about it. "it is what it is" as you, yourself said.

Have you tried taking him aside and asking if he's got a problem with you? You could go through a mutual colleague if you're not comfortable going to him directly on your own.



Original post
by Dunnig Kruger
It is worth reporting to your supervisor. In confidentiality.
If only because you may stop working there and he may be like that with your replacement.
He may have a history of doing this.
There's also the effect on your morale, which is worth discussing with your supervisor.
...And thinking about it, it's possible that he might put in negative words about you with his supervisor. In such situations it's always much better to be the first to make a report.
In having this sort of chat, in the right way with your boss, you should score brownie points with him or her.
Welcome to the world of petty corporate politics! Getting good at navigating through this sort of stuff will help you a lot if you want to become one of those people that climbs the corporate ladder.
There will be a reason for his stand-offishness. It's likely to be a really stupid, nonsensical reason. But that's how some people are. Overly judgemental on the tiniest of things.

I would personally avoid involving management or any positions of authority at this stage, unless his behaviour is having a direct and detrimental affect on the quality of OP's work... or if he won't help her when he / she really needs it. Still, if it's a must to involve superiors, I would focus on the way it's affecting your work, or enjoyment of work, rather than "finger-pointing" him specifically. Moreover, there's no evidence that he's got a history of doing this; that's just speculation at this stage. Another thing is that if he is pulled up on it, it's likely that he can trace it back to her (remember, no one likes a "snitch"); from the original post, it's said that he's friendly with everyone else except him / her.

Reply 7

How you report twonks at work is important.
A clever way to do it is to ask your supervisor for a confidential chat. And to tell him the good points about the better members of staff, and to briefly say some good things about the person you want to complain about in and amongst giving your complaint.

Any supervisor worth working for would fully welcome this sort of feedback.

People in authority love "snitches" when it's in the context of this sort of conversation.

Reply 8

Original post
by Dunnig Kruger
How you report twonks at work is important.
A clever way to do it is to ask your supervisor for a confidential chat. And to tell him the good points about the better members of staff, and to briefly say some good things about the person you want to complain about in and amongst giving your complaint.
Any supervisor worth working for would fully welcome this sort of feedback.
People in authority love "snitches" when it's in the context of this sort of conversation.

I still maintain there isn't really grounds to report him unless it's really distressing the OP to the point that the quantity / quality of their work is compromised... and (in the first instance) should attempt to settle this with the individual (either directly or via a third party). The impression that I'm getting from the OP is just that he's distant and aloof with her; they haven't given any evidence that he's bullying or deliberately picking on them; and he will interact with them if (and only if) it's a work related issue (albeit, offering the bare minimum, so they can't say that he's not helping them at all). It's clearly a personal issue, rather than a professional one. They only have to work together, there's no requirement for everyone to be best friends, hold hand together singing "Kumbaya" as @StriderHort said, he is being professionally "civil" to them.

While authority might love "snitches", it may-well be a very different story with friends and colleagues on the shop-floor. At the end of the day, these are the individuals the OP will have to work with on a day-to-day basis; is it really a nice environment to work in where none of your colleagues trust you, and forever keep you at arms length?
(edited 6 months ago)

Reply 9

Original post
by Dunnig Kruger
How you report twonks at work is important.
A clever way to do it is to ask your supervisor for a confidential chat. And to tell him the good points about the better members of staff, and to briefly say some good things about the person you want to complain about in and amongst giving your complaint.
Any supervisor worth working for would fully welcome this sort of feedback.
People in authority love "snitches" when it's in the context of this sort of conversation.

Dunno about you but I'd see it as a transparent attempt at toadying. I'm well versed in office pettiness and no, I do not like staff like this as they almost always end up being an issue themselves. I'd respect them more if they simply told me they had an issue.

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