taking off my hijab as i start uni

hello, i'm sure this is a controversial topic but i've decided to take off my hijab. it's not something i wish to continue wearing, nor is it something i've ever wanted to wear and i've certain in my decision. i am to commute to university and plan on taking it off once i get on the train - however i would also like to eventually have a conversation with my parents about this because i'd rather not live in this secrecy forever and i think it'd be worse if they one day "catch" me instead of me announcing it to them.
i'm sure my parents will not go to extremities which is why i'm comfortable enough to take the risk of taking it off behind their back but it's a difficult conversation to have nonetheless. i was hoping to receive some advice or encouragement (it's daunting!) from others as to how to hold this conversation. the ideal would be for them to not care at all, but if that were the case i'd not be wearing it in the first place. i think they'd be incredibly disappointed and i guess i just figure out a way to talk to them without them becoming infuriated (very hopeful of me). i think they'll think i've been influenced by others but the hijab was something i never felt anything towards. as i write this, i realise i'm here not just for advice but to write down my worries and feelings haha.
i know it may be easy to say "just do it and who cares what they say you're an adult now" but it's hard to do in practice. i care about them and they care about me, it's hard not to care. it's going to hurt them regardless, so i'd like to try and do it in a way that'll give them the least pain.
the is open for anyone to give their advice! i don't really expect it, but i wonder if there's anyone here who's had a similar experience too? i'd love to hear from you too.
+ no religious debate would be appreciated

do you not feel beautiful with it on?

it makes little difference to my physical appearance, with or without. would you be kind enough to explain the relevance of beauty in this conversation? thank you!

Why would you wanna take it off if you dont feel insecure and beautiful with it on

Obviously, I don’t know how you wear your hijab now, but maybe a way to test the waters with your parents might be to change up how you wear it at first? So if you wear it covering your neck, perhaps you could start trying out some turban style ties which only cover your hair? That might be a first step and make the eventual discussion about removing it altogether a bit easier?

hello, i'm sure this is a controversial topic but i've decided to take off my hijab. it's not something i wish to continue wearing, nor is it something i've ever wanted to wear and i've certain in my decision. i am to commute to university and plan on taking it off once i get on the train - however i would also like to eventually have a conversation with my parents about this because i'd rather not live in this secrecy forever and i think it'd be worse if they one day "catch" me instead of me announcing it to them.

i'm sure my parents will not go to extremities which is why i'm comfortable enough to take the risk of taking it off behind their back but it's a difficult conversation to have nonetheless. i was hoping to receive some advice or encouragement (it's daunting!) from others as to how to hold this conversation. the ideal would be for them to not care at all, but if that were the case i'd not be wearing it in the first place. i think they'd be incredibly disappointed and i guess i just figure out a way to talk to them without them becoming infuriated (very hopeful of me). i think they'll think i've been influenced by others but the hijab was something i never felt anything towards. as i write this, i realise i'm here not just for advice but to write down my worries and feelings haha.

i know it may be easy to say "just do it and who cares what they say you're an adult now" but it's hard to do in practice. i care about them and they care about me, it's hard not to care. it's going to hurt them regardless, so i'd like to try and do it in a way that'll give them the least pain.

the is open for anyone to give their advice! i don't really expect it, but i wonder if there's anyone here who's had a similar experience too? i'd love to hear from you too.

+ no religious debate would be appreciated

thank you btw ^_^

I'm not sure you need to have the conversation with your parents before you take it off, or even immediately. Why don't you take it off for a few weeks and settle your own thoughts on the matter. You may discover things that are easier, or harder, or just different. View it as a trial period. At uni you will likely meet several other women who have made the same decision, and some that haven't, you can perhaps discuss with them the pro's and cons.
With your own reflection on the experience, you are likely to be able to have a more balance conversation with your parents. You may be able to allay their concerns.

You are most welcome! If you need tutorials for turban styles (and all manner of others) there are millions on YouTube (I’ve learnt lots of styles from the Wrapunzel tutorials on there!)

Girl, I have been in the same situation for years. I have just graduated and wore my hijab for the entire time, even though I felt nothing towards it and only started wearing it because my mother became more religious after my grandfather passed away.
I was not forced into it, but I'm not sure about you. I think it's more appropriate to say I was "coerced" into it via guilt and peer-pressure. The guilt was towards my grandfather for not trying to be closer to him while he was still around, so I saw the hijab as a way of honouring his memory and showing solidarity with my mother, who had just started wearing it. (I was 12, so I think a part of it was simply because I wanted to mimic my mother.) Also, I had a bit of a trauma of my own body during puberty as it was changing, and I was sexually assaulted abroad during this time, so I think that played a role in me wanting to cover up, too, even though I was 12 when it happened. I did not tell anyone about it, and my mum said something about how women who don't cover up bring it upon themselves, so I did not feel comfortable talking about my assault with her, especially after the fact, as it was in a crowded market area and I did not know the face of the person who put his hands on me, so what would be the point? So yeah, a few unfortunate events(grandfather and great-grandmother died, assault, struggles with body changes, being told women who dress how they like bring it upon themselves etc) happened when I was 12, which led to me wearing it.
I feel like a hypocrite with it on, and I don't feel comfortable talking to other muslim women about it because I've had bad experiences with friends judging me, or they felt uncomfortable offering any advice. Also, It doesn't help that I knew two ppl at my uni(although we weren't friends) who didn't wear the hijab who seemed much more grounded and comfortable with their faith.
I was actually staying in on-campus accommodation in my 2nd year, but I felt awkward taking it off when most ppl knew me as a hijabi in my first year.
I have to say -
1. Be careful and take your time figuring out what to say to your parents - roleplay it in your head. If you have a more friendly relative, talk to them about it in confidence - maybe they can help break it to your parents for you or they can give you more advice. ONLY your parents deserve to be let down slowly. Don't feel obligated to get friends involved in the drama - they might just add to your troubles.
2. Decide to keep it on or take it off at the start of your degree because it's a new environment and a fresh start. If you don't commit now, it will only get more difficult. You will probably only feel this ready at the start of another new journey, which may be years after - e.g, at the start of your master's at another university, post-uni at the start of a new job or at the start of moving out into your own flat/house.
3.Also, when it comes to marriage, you don't want to portray yourself as something you are not. Some families have preferences for hijabi's/niqabi's etc. Chances are, your family will start talking seriously about marriage in your final year of uni, so make the change now so you don't have to have awkward conversations later. It might cause trouble in a future marriage if you decide 2 years into the marriage that you want to take it off, but your husband or his family are opposed to it and are worried about what their relatives and friends might think of your choice. Also, when it comes to kids, you need to set the bar. If you want your daughter to have a genuine choice without coercion, you need to make the change yourself first. (I took a stand against cousin marriage in my family, and ever since then, my grandmother has not troubled my younger cousins with the idea.)
Essentially, be the change you want to see in your family. If you are not ready yet, like me, that is fine too - just be aware that the longer you hide yourself, the longer you feel uncomfortable agreeing to a marriage based on what they think you are.

oh wow, your experiences that lead you to the hijab seem to be riddled with negativity and gloom. coercion especially sucks because often you don't feel the right to your anger and resentment because it isn't outright force. it wouldn't mean much, but i'm sorry about the sexual assault and the 'unintentional' (😕 ) victim blaming from your own mother. you were at an incredibly vulnerable age and shouldn't have had to feel so unsafe to keep it to yourself - it really was the responsiblity of those around you to be mindful of their actions and words, and provide you with an environment where you were capable of genuinely expressing yourself. you seem to be quite knowledgable in your words and experiences, and despite it all you seem to have become a genuine and kind person. it's commendable that you were able to stick up for yourself thus protecting others around you. someone must walk so someone else may run! i genuinely hope a person like you finds kindness and peace wherever you go
besides that, thanks for taking the time to help me out with some advice and anecdotes. i'll probably write out a script or something eventually, but knowing how life works things very rarely go the way we plan.. but it'll still be something for me to begin with. and haha you're certainly right about deciding whether or not to keep it on/off now now rather than later. it's rather daunting changing something so big about you overnight, probably why i hadn't take it off earlier. although i'm far more confident in myself now, it's makes things so much easier. i don't really have the desire to get married but you still make a very good point. when it comes to families like ours, they don't really care too much about whether you feel ready or not. i'd rather not be advertised to others as a hijabi when it's not something i believe myself to be! people tend to have false notions of the implications of hijab, and assume you to be a certain way when you're not. now that i think about it, it'd be important for me to come across as authentic as i am. i think this is a good point in discussion with my parents too, that if keep wearing it based on their will for now, then what happens in the future? would you want to "trick" someone into marrying a hijabi when it's not something i'll always be? not how i see my life going and i'm again not interested in marriage, but it's something that would make sense to their minds and give them something to ponder. thanks again

hello, i'm sure this is a controversial topic but i've decided to take off my hijab. it's not something i wish to continue wearing, nor is it something i've ever wanted to wear and i've certain in my decision. i am to commute to university and plan on taking it off once i get on the train - however i would also like to eventually have a conversation with my parents about this because i'd rather not live in this secrecy forever and i think it'd be worse if they one day "catch" me instead of me announcing it to them.
i'm sure my parents will not go to extremities which is why i'm comfortable enough to take the risk of taking it off behind their back but it's a difficult conversation to have nonetheless. i was hoping to receive some advice or encouragement (it's daunting!) from others as to how to hold this conversation. the ideal would be for them to not care at all, but if that were the case i'd not be wearing it in the first place. i think they'd be incredibly disappointed and i guess i just figure out a way to talk to them without them becoming infuriated (very hopeful of me). i think they'll think i've been influenced by others but the hijab was something i never felt anything towards. as i write this, i realise i'm here not just for advice but to write down my worries and feelings haha.
i know it may be easy to say "just do it and who cares what they say you're an adult now" but it's hard to do in practice. i care about them and they care about me, it's hard not to care. it's going to hurt them regardless, so i'd like to try and do it in a way that'll give them the least pain.
the is open for anyone to give their advice! i don't really expect it, but i wonder if there's anyone here who's had a similar experience too? i'd love to hear from you too.
+ no religious debate would be appreciated

Having read the replies, I hope one day you know Allah enough to accept to wear the hijab ❤️ I don’t wish to encourage your decision and frankly if you do choose to not adhere to it, you may come across individuals who advise you to do it especially in new places like uni as you meet people so take that as you wish. However just for life sis I will advise you with one, sounds cliche but choose your hard, every decision in life has a difficulty to overcome but likewise there is a right decision and wrong decision and for both you pay a price or reap a profit. Hope you enjoy uni and make the most of it, good luck!

I don’t think that is very helpful input. Everyone’s relationship with their faith is their own, to explore and express in the way that is right for them.

I get what you’re saying that everyone’s relationship is their own, but you can’t disregard the fact that hijab is an obligation. Your statement basically shifts the authority from God’s command to the persons preference, which is not acceptable