How to navigate uni as someone with no interests and socially awkward/autistic?
I'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Just imagine that uni is the new you, that nothing before has any impact on the person you are going to be in uni. Realistically, you will be meeting basically all new people, and they don't know that you are socially awkward, so just play the part that you aren't.
Apart from that, maybe find some more niche societies with less people and these won't be as overstimulating.
Best of luck!
Reply 2
Original post
by stilllearning123Just imagine that uni is the new you, that nothing before has any impact on the person you are going to be in uni. Realistically, you will be meeting basically all new people, and they don't know that you are socially awkward, so just play the part that you aren't.
Apart from that, maybe find some more niche societies with less people and these won't be as overstimulating.
Best of luck!
Apart from that, maybe find some more niche societies with less people and these won't be as overstimulating.
Best of luck!
But... I am still me, my brain can't suddenly rewire because I think it to be true?? Like, I'm not sure if you can empathise with how my brain works? So I just tell myself that I don't have social anxiety?
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousBut... I am still me, my brain can't suddenly rewire because I think it to be true?? Like, I'm not sure if you can empathise with how my brain works? So I just tell myself that I don't have social anxiety?
Hi there,
There's no pressure to do anything drastic as soon as you get started at uni. Starting uni itself, whether you're moving into student halls or staying home and commuting, can be an overwhelming experience as there is lots of change happening. You may find yourself feeling anxious as you get started, but this is a normal and rational way of feeling about your new start.
I think a 'little and often' mindset towards stepping out of your comfort zone could be beneficial in your scenario. You don't want to start changing everything in your life because that's overwhelming for anyone, but if you can add in a few small things that you maybe wouldn't usually do then you might start to become more accustomed to trying a few new things. This could be as simple as walking around your uni campus after a lecture in the first week and exploring a bit more of what's on campus instead of going straight home. Or maybe complimenting someone on your course to see if you can start chatting with them - the worst case scenario is you were kind and complimented them and that's as far as the conversation goes, or maybe you chat for bit and you feel a sense of accomplishment that you reached out to chat to someone.
You are the best person to set your own boundaries and to know what works best for you. But I think trying to push yourself a little bit more as you get started at uni could help you to open yourself up to trying new things.
You're right in that societies can be a great way to meet people - this is how I met a lot of my close friends at uni. You could look to see if your course/subject has a society. A lot of unis have subject based societies, so if that's what you're interested in then maybe you can join in there. You could also work your way up to joining a society where you've never tried the subject before, like a new skill or subject you don't know much about. That way you can benefit from learning something new, while also meeting new people and developing friendships.
When you get started at uni, you're in control of the goals you set yourself. So no matter how significant your goal may ne to someone else, as long as you are making progress at your own pace, then that's all that really matters. I think - from my own experience too - that a lot of anxiety about university comes from not knowing everything before you get started, as you see so much online and get an idea of what uni is like before you get there, which can impact how you feel about it. Try your best to keep a positive outlook on starting uni and remember to be kind to yourself in the process - it's okay to do things in a way that's most comfortable for you!
All the best for getting started in September. 🙂
Emily
Student Rep at BCU
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Hiya!
It might be helpful to look into what support is available at your university. For example, at DMU we have a dedicated Autism Team that helps students adjust, provides one-to-one support, and runs activities where you can meet others in a relaxed environment. A friend of mine who is autistic found this kind of support really helpful as they were able to push their boundaries at their own pace and still have a great university experience. Of course, everyone is different, so it’s about finding what feels right for you.
You might also enjoy low-pressure / socialisation activities like movie nights, quizzes, or wellbeing events. At DMU, we had “Wellbeing Wednesdays” with craft sessions during the day. Lots of people came alone, and some chatted while others just enjoyed the activity quietly, it was a nice way to be around others without feeling pressured and make some cute crafts.
It’s completely okay to take your time and ease yourself in gradually, you don’t need to do everything at once. Try to go in with an open mind and avoid being too hard on yourself. Small steps really do make the biggest difference and everyone's journey as a student looks different.
One thing that might help is walking around campus before term starts. Getting familiar with the environment can make you feel more comfortable and less overwhelmed when classes begin.
Also, it depends on what interests you. Even if you feel you don’t have many hobbies right now, there might be something you’d enjoy trying. Some societies are quite relaxed or even online based, like at DMU we have a Nintendo Switch society and a Minecraft one, which can be great if you prefer socialising from the comfort of your own space.
Hope this helps, and wishing you the best for September!
Maddie, Third Year Health and Wellbeing in Society student at De Montfort University
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
First off , you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. A lot of people worry about making friends or stepping out of their comfort zone before starting uni, even if they don’t say it out loud. The good thing is, uni naturally pushes everyone a little outside their usual bubble, and while it feels scary at first, it can actually be a really positive thing. You’ll surprise yourself with what you’re capable of once you get into the swing of things.
When it comes to meeting people, you don’t need to force yourself to suddenly be super outgoing. Small steps count. Even just chatting to someone sat next to you in a lecture, or asking if they understood something, is an easy way to start. Lots of friendships at uni grow out of those little conversations rather than big social events.
On the society side of things, it might be worth looking at it differently…you don’t need to have a big hobby already. Societies are actually a great way to find new interests and try things out. Loads of people join without knowing much about the activity, and that’s kind of the point. It gives you a ready-made way to meet people with no pressure to be an expert.
Being shy or awkward doesn’t stop you making friends, either. There will be plenty of other people feeling the exact same way, and sometimes they’re the easiest to bond with because you understand each other. Uni is such a mix of people that you’ll definitely find your crowd.
It might feel daunting now, but take things one step at a time, even something like taking that bus on your own before term starts could be a good mini-goal to give yourself confidence. You don’t have to change who you are, just give yourself a chance to grow a little. You’ve got this, and you’ll find your place!
Good luck. Sophie 🙂
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousBut... I am still me, my brain can't suddenly rewire because I think it to be true?? Like, I'm not sure if you can empathise with how my brain works? So I just tell myself that I don't have social anxiety?
Yes, that is basically what I mean.
May I ask, what course are you going to study at uni?
Reply 7
Original post
by stilllearning123Yes, that is basically what I mean.
May I ask, what course are you going to study at uni?
May I ask, what course are you going to study at uni?
maths why?
Reply 8
12
Original post
by Anonymousmaths why?
For maths there is no way you would be the only autistic socially awkward student! There will be others on your course who feel exactly like you.
Do not try and reinvent yourself as a social butterfly - it won’t work, you will get burnt out and any friendships would be false as they won’t be based on the real you. Lots of students try to reinvent themselves when they first arrive at uni but they normally give up within a month or a term. But it is something to watch out for in the first couple of weeks - others trying to be different versions of themselves. They may seem a bit over the top friendly - a few may be genuinely extrovert but others will have put on a front to try and make friends. Having said that, you might need to step out of your comfort zone to speak to people on your course/flat etc but you don’t need to feel under pressure to make lifelong friends in the first week or go out clubbing every night or at all if it is not your thing.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 9
Original post
by FiBoxFor maths there is no way you would be the only autistic socially awkward student! There will be others on your course who feel exactly like you.
Do not try and reinvent yourself as a social butterfly - it won’t work, you will get burnt out and any friendships would be false as they won’t be based on the real you. Lots of students try to reinvent themselves when they first arrive at uni but they normally give up within a month or a term. But it is something to watch out for in the first couple of weeks - others trying to be different versions of themselves. They may seem a bit over the top friendly - a few may be genuinely extrovert but others will have put on a front to try and make friends. Having said that, you might need to step out of your comfort zone to speak to people on your course/flat etc but you don’t need to feel under pressure to make lifelong friends in the first week or go out clubbing every night or at all if it is not your thing.
Do not try and reinvent yourself as a social butterfly - it won’t work, you will get burnt out and any friendships would be false as they won’t be based on the real you. Lots of students try to reinvent themselves when they first arrive at uni but they normally give up within a month or a term. But it is something to watch out for in the first couple of weeks - others trying to be different versions of themselves. They may seem a bit over the top friendly - a few may be genuinely extrovert but others will have put on a front to try and make friends. Having said that, you might need to step out of your comfort zone to speak to people on your course/flat etc but you don’t need to feel under pressure to make lifelong friends in the first week or go out clubbing every night or at all if it is not your thing.
thanks but how do I actually find people and talk to people though ?
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Hi
You are not alone in feeling that the transition to University is daunting. Dealing with social anxiety can be really difficult. From experience with being friends who have social anxiety, they found the best way to try and overcome this was to try and push themselves out of their comfort zone little and often, and as they did this more, they found that they were able to attend more social events and have more of a tolerance to try new things.
It won't come straight away, but with determination and resilience, it will become easier.
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
Reply 11
Original post
by Matt-WrexhamUniHi
You are not alone in feeling that the transition to University is daunting. Dealing with social anxiety can be really difficult. From experience with being friends who have social anxiety, they found the best way to try and overcome this was to try and push themselves out of their comfort zone little and often, and as they did this more, they found that they were able to attend more social events and have more of a tolerance to try new things.
It won't come straight away, but with determination and resilience, it will become easier.
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
You are not alone in feeling that the transition to University is daunting. Dealing with social anxiety can be really difficult. From experience with being friends who have social anxiety, they found the best way to try and overcome this was to try and push themselves out of their comfort zone little and often, and as they did this more, they found that they were able to attend more social events and have more of a tolerance to try new things.
It won't come straight away, but with determination and resilience, it will become easier.
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
at social events if I didn't go with anyone or I don't know anyone there I just end up standing around awkwardly on my own and its so embarrassing and I feel ashamed
Reply 12
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Hello!
Congratulations on starting university this year 🥳
You can start with small manageable steps; try and pick quiet times to take the bus and walk around campus, university libraries and lecture buildings are usually empty in weekday mornings during Fresher's fair, perhaps you can start your practice venture at this time. ☺️
If you can't find any interest outside of your subject then that's absolutely fine, show up to your lecture halls and seminars. In seminars, people are randomly allocated so everyone is new and nervous. If you sit next to the same seminar group regularly, casual talks are meant to happen and you'll also end up doing group work at some point and that's how I met most of my friends. Don't worry, the lecturer will definitely do some 'breaking the ice' activity before starting so you won't feel very tense talking to your seminar group. Also, seminar groups are relatively small in size, so it will be a lot less stressful.
Also, look into university support. University can be quite stressful especially during exam/deadlines and you need to make sure you know where to go if you need some support (e.g., academic adviser, mental health wellbeing support service).
Wishing you the best🤗
-Sarah (Kingston Rep)
Reply 13
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Hi there,
I can imagine that this must be hard, and I know that uni might feel daunting now so I thought I could add some advice on here too.
•
One thing that might help is to try and set little goals. Try and tell yourself that you will do one little thing per day and try and build up your confidence so that you can start to do bigger things. So, you could say 'today I will talk to one new person', 'today I will walk a new route to uni', 'today I will do my food shop at a different place' just to challenge yourself to try new things without it feeling like a big task. You can build this up over time until it starts to feel less daunting.
•
Remember that there is no pressure at all to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to go out when someone suggests it, you don't have to. Over time you might just find yourself naturally wanting to start doing some things if you don't feel pressure.
•
Try and join a society. I know they can feel scary sometimes but it might help you to do something you enjoy and it might help you to start feeling more confident.
•
Have a look on social media and see if you can meet anyone on here as this might be helpful too. Sometimes it can feel less daunting talking to people online and then when you meet them you already feel as though you know them a little bit.
•
Talk to your uni if you are ever struggling. They are there to help you and they will talk you through how you are feeling and help you as much as they can.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 14
12
Course-mates are an obvious place to look - chat to the people sitting next to you at the beginning and end of lectures. You could suggest a few of you have lunch or coffee together somewhere if the lecture finishes at an appropriate time. If you get knocked back, don’t take it personally and don’t over-analyse your conversation, just try chatting with someone else the next time. You won’t ‘click’ with everyone and that is fine.
The freshers fayre can be a bit overwhelming - it is a bit of a sales slot for societies who often want you to join up there and then for a small fee, but are often not bothered if you come along later as it can be more about raising money from getting people to sign up. But it is worth getting a list of societies if you can. There might be one that would interest you. You don’t have to go the first week, you can join a few weeks in.
Look at fresher week activities. There can be some odd ones amongst the usual club nights - things like pottery painting, or visit a local tourist venue. It is a lot easier to go to this sort of thing alone without feeling embarrassed in the corner on your own. If the worst comes to the worst you can sit and paint or look round the tourist site alone, or whatever the ‘activity’ is in a way you can’t really do at a club.
The first few weeks can feel a bit mad but about a month in is when it can be hard and is a good time to have your parents visit. Around that stage the initial euphoria has worn off, you will have made some contacts but they will be new and you may well miss home and being around people who know you. That will pass but don’t be surprised if you feel a bit down/home sick around then.
The freshers fayre can be a bit overwhelming - it is a bit of a sales slot for societies who often want you to join up there and then for a small fee, but are often not bothered if you come along later as it can be more about raising money from getting people to sign up. But it is worth getting a list of societies if you can. There might be one that would interest you. You don’t have to go the first week, you can join a few weeks in.
Look at fresher week activities. There can be some odd ones amongst the usual club nights - things like pottery painting, or visit a local tourist venue. It is a lot easier to go to this sort of thing alone without feeling embarrassed in the corner on your own. If the worst comes to the worst you can sit and paint or look round the tourist site alone, or whatever the ‘activity’ is in a way you can’t really do at a club.
The first few weeks can feel a bit mad but about a month in is when it can be hard and is a good time to have your parents visit. Around that stage the initial euphoria has worn off, you will have made some contacts but they will be new and you may well miss home and being around people who know you. That will pass but don’t be surprised if you feel a bit down/home sick around then.
Reply 15
Original post
by AnonymousI'm starting uni this September, and im super nervous about making friends and being able to get involved in stuff because I find it impossible to go out my comfort zone, even just getting a bus on my own I'd need my parents to do it with me as I've never done it before and I need that physical experience of doing it before, I cant just have something explained to me.
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Also, I have no interests whatsoever apart from my subject so I can't join any societies which people say is the best way to meet friends :/
And I'm very shy and socially awkward in the first place so I can't approach people and talk to new people its awful.
What do I do?
Hey!
First of all, congrats on getting to uni!🎉
It's completely normal to feel nervous and overwhelmed by new experiences. I understand how you feel. During my foundation year, I often felt the same. I would attend events, hoping to make friends, but not knowing how to approach anyone, waiting for people to come to me.
Navigating Uni Life
•
Societies: They aren't just for hobbies; they can be for academic interests too. Everyone shares a common interest, making conversations easier.
•
Start Small: There’s no need for a big chat. A simple "That lecture was tough, wasn't it?" to someone next to you can be a great first step.
You'll get there! 😊
Rachel
(Third year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism
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