Guys are so immature
20
There is a guy in our household we have mutual feelings. He’s younger than me and I’m in relationship (best one I’ve ever had). The guy is very nice and took care of me when I needed. (that was when I started to develop feelings for him). Relationship with him won’t work, we both know that, we also both know that we have feelings and it may make things difficult for us to live at the same household. We already agreed that we are just friends and that’s ok.
The thing is that he is jealous, it is obvious. He’s craving for my attention. Sometimes it is fun and funny, other times it’s annoying and immature. He also teases me a lot. Sometimes it’s fun, but most of the time it’s annoying and even hurts sometimes. He acts like a 12y/o kid sometimes. However, other times he is super mature and supportive.
I tried talking with him about it and nothing changes. I don’t want to kick him out of the household for making things uncomfortable for the other household members, I don’t want to use my power as the head of the household. But sometimes I really feel uncomfortable around him.
Saturday he arranged a day off from house for all of us. We have some mess with the electricity at the main floor (where the main kitchen is), so the second, small kitchen became our main one and it is on the girls’ floor and it is really uncomfortable when the guys are around there all the time and it causes some minor fight which have a bad impact on our relationship in the household. Anyways, the guy made some reservations and took us on a day off so we could stay away from the house for the majority of the day. It was a great gesture and it was very appreciated by everyone. However, he always wanted to be around me, which is uncomfortable when I wanted to spend more time with my partner. My partner is ok with him and even finds it amusing, I kind of feel bad for the guy from the way my partner treats him, but he deserves every bit of the laughs at him.
The rest of the week he continues teasing me, like flirting. It starts being annoying. He likes teasing me about my voice and eyesight. Usually it was mutual laughs because I feel safe around him and fine with joking about things that usually hurt me. He knows that it may hurt me and he also knows that I know he won't hurt on purpose.
Like when we were on a bus he purposely will sit far from me and talk with me, he knows my "if I can't touch you I can't see you rule." (when I'm not wearing vision correction). He does things like that on purpose.
Yesterday he called me “sir” on the phone, playing he does’t recognize me and calling me sir/boy is a not so nice teasy reminder that my voice is strange for a girl (I already hate my voice so it is not a nice thing to do). It doesn’t really hurt, it is more of an annoying thing to do… he thinks it’s funny.
Today (tonight) we were watching TV all the household and I put my head on his laps, my partner was sitting infront of us (closer to the TV) so it was very comfortable being able to hold hands with my partner and enjoying the guys attention too. When the movie ended he took my glasses off… I’m ok with him doing that when we are face to face and I see he’s going to take my glasses off, but not when he does that suddenly and from a weird angle… it hurts. I started yelling at him (even my partner said I was way overreacting with this).
I don’t know what to do with him…. Guys are so immature and annoying.
-----------------------------------
I have a strange theory which actually very annoys me if it is true... I sort of feel uncomfortable asking or talking with him about it because if it is not true it may hurt him seriously. Sometimes I just feel like he likes to see me vulnerable/weak, it somehow makes him feel better.... I don't know... it seems like that but it is something I really don't know how to address because for me it is like something mentally wrong, and I don't want to hurt him. On the other hand, if it is right he needs serious help for the sake of any future relationship he'll ever have.
PS
I'd probably regret making this post, but whatever....
The thing is that he is jealous, it is obvious. He’s craving for my attention. Sometimes it is fun and funny, other times it’s annoying and immature. He also teases me a lot. Sometimes it’s fun, but most of the time it’s annoying and even hurts sometimes. He acts like a 12y/o kid sometimes. However, other times he is super mature and supportive.
I tried talking with him about it and nothing changes. I don’t want to kick him out of the household for making things uncomfortable for the other household members, I don’t want to use my power as the head of the household. But sometimes I really feel uncomfortable around him.
Saturday he arranged a day off from house for all of us. We have some mess with the electricity at the main floor (where the main kitchen is), so the second, small kitchen became our main one and it is on the girls’ floor and it is really uncomfortable when the guys are around there all the time and it causes some minor fight which have a bad impact on our relationship in the household. Anyways, the guy made some reservations and took us on a day off so we could stay away from the house for the majority of the day. It was a great gesture and it was very appreciated by everyone. However, he always wanted to be around me, which is uncomfortable when I wanted to spend more time with my partner. My partner is ok with him and even finds it amusing, I kind of feel bad for the guy from the way my partner treats him, but he deserves every bit of the laughs at him.
The rest of the week he continues teasing me, like flirting. It starts being annoying. He likes teasing me about my voice and eyesight. Usually it was mutual laughs because I feel safe around him and fine with joking about things that usually hurt me. He knows that it may hurt me and he also knows that I know he won't hurt on purpose.
Like when we were on a bus he purposely will sit far from me and talk with me, he knows my "if I can't touch you I can't see you rule." (when I'm not wearing vision correction). He does things like that on purpose.
Yesterday he called me “sir” on the phone, playing he does’t recognize me and calling me sir/boy is a not so nice teasy reminder that my voice is strange for a girl (I already hate my voice so it is not a nice thing to do). It doesn’t really hurt, it is more of an annoying thing to do… he thinks it’s funny.
Today (tonight) we were watching TV all the household and I put my head on his laps, my partner was sitting infront of us (closer to the TV) so it was very comfortable being able to hold hands with my partner and enjoying the guys attention too. When the movie ended he took my glasses off… I’m ok with him doing that when we are face to face and I see he’s going to take my glasses off, but not when he does that suddenly and from a weird angle… it hurts. I started yelling at him (even my partner said I was way overreacting with this).
I don’t know what to do with him…. Guys are so immature and annoying.
-----------------------------------
I have a strange theory which actually very annoys me if it is true... I sort of feel uncomfortable asking or talking with him about it because if it is not true it may hurt him seriously. Sometimes I just feel like he likes to see me vulnerable/weak, it somehow makes him feel better.... I don't know... it seems like that but it is something I really don't know how to address because for me it is like something mentally wrong, and I don't want to hurt him. On the other hand, if it is right he needs serious help for the sake of any future relationship he'll ever have.
PS
I'd probably regret making this post, but whatever....
Reply 1
It sounds like he's got a desire-frustration relationship with you.
He desires you. And he's frustrated that he can't have you as his girlfriend and sexual partner.
It sounds like the frustrated side of him is coming out too much, resulting in him bullying you.
Making the odd joke at your expense is OK when counter-balanced by him being nice to you.
Making too many jokes at your expense is bullying. The taking your glasses off like that was bullying you.
You are quite right in saying that he's immature.
He lacks mental and emotional strength.
A mature, mentally and emotionally strong man would be totally fine about having a platonic relationship with you.
You're also quite right to stand up to his bullying and to make it clear that you won't tolerate it.
He desires you. And he's frustrated that he can't have you as his girlfriend and sexual partner.
It sounds like the frustrated side of him is coming out too much, resulting in him bullying you.
Making the odd joke at your expense is OK when counter-balanced by him being nice to you.
Making too many jokes at your expense is bullying. The taking your glasses off like that was bullying you.
You are quite right in saying that he's immature.
He lacks mental and emotional strength.
A mature, mentally and emotionally strong man would be totally fine about having a platonic relationship with you.
You're also quite right to stand up to his bullying and to make it clear that you won't tolerate it.
Reply 2
Kathy89
OP
20
Original post
by Dunnig KrugerIt sounds like he's got a desire-frustration relationship with you.
He desires you. And he's frustrated that he can't have you as his girlfriend and sexual partner.
It sounds like the frustrated side of him is coming out too much, resulting in him bullying you.
Making the odd joke at your expense is OK when counter-balanced by him being nice to you.
Making too many jokes at your expense is bullying. The taking your glasses off like that was bullying you.
You are quite right in saying that he's immature.
He lacks mental and emotional strength.
A mature, mentally and emotionally strong man would be totally fine about having a platonic relationship with you.
You're also quite right to stand up to his bullying and to make it clear that you won't tolerate it.
He desires you. And he's frustrated that he can't have you as his girlfriend and sexual partner.
It sounds like the frustrated side of him is coming out too much, resulting in him bullying you.
Making the odd joke at your expense is OK when counter-balanced by him being nice to you.
Making too many jokes at your expense is bullying. The taking your glasses off like that was bullying you.
You are quite right in saying that he's immature.
He lacks mental and emotional strength.
A mature, mentally and emotionally strong man would be totally fine about having a platonic relationship with you.
You're also quite right to stand up to his bullying and to make it clear that you won't tolerate it.
Teasing is not bullying. I've been bullied. Teasing supposed to but fun or funny for both sides. He doesn't want to hurt me. As a matter of fact he spent some time with me last night talking about it. (after I posted) He asked if we are OK, because my reaction was not usual to say at least.
He likes me without glasses, I agree with him, he likes to take them off so he could look at my eyes (well I can agree with him about it).
The other things are just the way you describe it.
I want to have a platonic relationship with him, but I do have feelings for him, although, him being so immature is a major turn off.
I don't know if it is something more serious because all these started after I used his help when I was very sick. He'd seen me in my weakest and most vulnerable stages. I still trust him, maybe more than my partner.
On the other side, his actions make me feel uncomfortable around him and I am really scared to talk about it or tell the other housemates about it. The other two guys are immature too (in another way though). They are all in their mid 20's - early 30's. So I don't know how would they react if I tell them. The girl I know would want him out. She already made it clear when I signed the contract for the rent, we agreed that if our mutual attraction will lead to any unpleasant moments she will want him out and not me, because she doesn't want any new girl on our floor.
Basically the situation is a mess, but a quiet mess. Maybe I'm just over-reacting.
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