Friends At Uni
I've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
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Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hi there,
I'm really sorry to hear that you haven't had a great time yet at uni. But don't worry too much, as you say, your flatmates don't move in for another week and once they do, I'm sure that you will soon have a really great group of friends to socialise with and go out with and the bonus is, you already have an idea of the campus, how things work etc so you will be in the perfect position to show them and help them when they are newly arrived.
In terms of how you feel at the moment, firstly, keep trying. Keep going into the common room, and making the conversation with everyone. If they look at you blankly still, don't worry, but most importantly, don't give up, keep going in there and don't shut yourself away as you will only become isolated. If you were making a drink and there were people in the common room, rather than ask about their course, you could say, 'I'm making a drink do you want one?' Or if you know if there is something on you could ask if they are going to it. Try texting the two you met on line again. Perhaps this time you could ask if they want to go to for a coffee and suggest a specific day and place. That way it's a bit more definite?
Most importantly, please don't worry and feel as though you have made the wrong choice. It is early in the academic year and you will soon make the friendships when your flatmates move in and your course starts,
If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to message, and don't worry,
Jess
PhD English
University of Chester
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that you haven't had the best start to your uni life. Don't worry, things will get better and start to look up for you!
Firstly, as Jess said - all of your flatmates will be arriving next week so this is something to look forward to! Once they arrive, you will have people to chat to, and do things with and it will start to seem a bit more like the university experience you were probably hoping for.
I also agree that it is a good idea to still chat to people in the common rooms. Even if nothing comes of it, at least you will know that you were friendly and you tried so there is nothing to regret in this aspect!
I also thought I'd just give you some of the other ways I've met people while at uni, just in case any of these help you at all!
•
Join a society! These may not start for a couple of weeks but in general they are really great ways of meeting people and doing something you enjoy at the same time. Have a look online, or go to the societies freshers fair and see if there are any you are interested in.
•
See if your SU puts any events on. These are great ways again of doing something fun and meeting people. You could see if any of your flatmates want to come too!
•
Keep chatting to people on social media as they may want to do something but just haven't got round to organising it. It's worth asking again and if they say no then at least you know you tried.
•
Chat to people in your lectures and seminars as they are more than likely willing to make friends! It feels scary at first but you've done well doing this so far so just continue this on your course too.
I hope some of this helps and things improve once more people start to arrive!
Lucy -SHU student ambassador
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hi! im also a Cardiff student and im facing the exact same problem the difference is i know literally 0 people from my accm and have met no one so far, im not in any gc or events etc etc but if you like we could hang out and go to freshers fair together so we can meet new people :-)
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hiiii I’m also starting at Cardiff soon gonna move in on Saturday and I’m sorry about ur experience atm, which course are u studying?
Reply 5
Original post
by ceramicstoneHi! im also a Cardiff student and im facing the exact same problem the difference is i know literally 0 people from my accm and have met no one so far, im not in any gc or events etc etc but if you like we could hang out and go to freshers fair together so we can meet new people :-)
Sorry you haven't met anyone yet either. ☹️ that sounds amazing though ! Which slot are you going to book for the fair?
Reply 6
Original post
by anonomouse888Sorry you haven't met anyone yet either. ☹️ that sounds amazing though ! Which slot are you going to book for the fair?
i have all of the slots booked for 11:00 for the 22 , 24 and 25 and 12:30 for the 26th! :-P
Reply 7
No offence or anything but it can take quite a long time to make friends at uni, the first weeks are generally fairly weird and can be awful for a log or people. If you click with your flatmates or the people in your house at halls great, if you don't you spend a lot of time sitting around. In my first year I mostly made friends on my course as the people on my corridor in halls were all into football and techno music which I wasn't interested in and that took a few weeks.
Reply 8
Original post
by As_cute_as catsHiiii I’m also starting at Cardiff soon gonna move in on Saturday and I’m sorry about ur experience atm, which course are u studying?
Hey, I’m also moving in on Saturday! I’ll be studying English Lit and History, how about you?
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles at making friends during freshers. Lasting friendships take a years to build and you may not always get along with some people in the beginning 😪 Good job on putting yourself out there and making the effort to take the initiative😚 Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself time to meet your coursemates, your new flatmates and allow relationships to deepen naturally 🤗 You can also try joining a society, it is a great way of creating weekly routine and spending time with the same group of people in a sport/ subject your enjoy.
I wish you the best of luck in your university journey!
Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)
Reply 10
Original post
by H_Rose19Hey, I’m also moving in on Saturday! I’ll be studying English Lit and History, how about you?
Hiii I’m studying midwifery!!!
Reply 11
Original post
by As_cute_as catsHiii I’m studying midwifery!!!
Oh cool! Does that mean you’ll be on Heath Park Campus then?
Reply 12
Original post
by H_Rose19Oh cool! Does that mean you’ll be on Heath Park Campus then?
Yesss are u studying on the main campus
Reply 13
Original post
by As_cute_as catsYesss are u studying on the main campus
Yes I’m on the main campus!
Reply 14
Original post
by H_Rose19Yes I’m on the main campus!
That’s so cool!!!how was your move in yesterday?
Reply 15
Original post
by As_cute_as catsThat’s so cool!!!how was your move in yesterday?
It was good thanks, well organised and I got the room looking pretty nice. How about yours?
Reply 16
Original post
by H_Rose19It was good thanks, well organised and I got the room looking pretty nice. How about yours?
Same!finished organising everything!
Reply 17
I've accepted that I'll never have any friends at this point, as someone in a similar situation to you. Just try to find peace with that ig.
Reply 18
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
This sounds like it sucks. I just decided to take a gap year last minute. I am also autistic. Let me know if you want to chat more.
Reply 19
Original post
by AnonymousI've just moved into Cardiff University Accommodation, this uni was my first choice and I was so excited to go here. I'm doing the advice everyone recommends and trying to be outgoing and make some friends. My flatmates don't move in for another week and whenever I talk to others in the common room it feels like their friendships are already defined and they've been clubbing and shopping together and all they talk about are existing shared memories. I am autistic but I have been asking the basic questions "what's your course? Where are you from?" And getting blank/disinterested responses. I have been texting a few people online in my block and they both seem nice but ignored me when I tried to ask if they wanted to hang out. What do I do? I chose Cardiff uni over some offers from objectively better universities and now I feel like I've made a massive mistake and do not fit in at all.
Hi there,
I am so sorry you are having this experience, I do think there are lots of friendly people around and I am sorry you are feeling this way. Have your flatmates moved in now? Is it any better?
I appreciate you are doing everything you can, that is not always easy I understand. Please don't feel like groups have been formed and you can't join, it is so early, and there is so much time.
Some things I will try to recommend.
1.
When you get the chance (in the next couple weeks it will be) sign up to the student mentor programme, and they can not only help you, but can also introduce you to others on your course who you may have more in common with and help you throughout the whole of first year for continued support.
2.
Check out our societies and try their "give it a go" sessions, as again that is another great opportunity to meet like minded people, we have had freshers fair on this week, but check out their socials, and don't feel like you can message the societies' page directly.
Other than that I would say have faith, it is still so early, and it can take people time to find "their people", please don;t feel you do not fit in, because you definitely do, and you will find your happy place and happy people somewhere.
I hope this helps,
Grace - Cardiff Uni Student Rep
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