vent about med :( VERYYYY long ahah so don't read

TLDR: i think.. im just going to give up on medicine :frown:

TW mentions of 'joking' su/cide

hihi so i bascially fell off the face of the earth ahah i hope everyone is doing well though, most have started uni so yayyy!!

i did my ucat yay! but not so yay since all i got was 1930 band 3 (which is about 2610 from last years scale.. while it as higher than i got the first time that's clearly not competitive)

i can't lie i've been staying up all night (i've been getting 3-4 hours sleep noo) messaging any and every ai app like chatgpt or deepseek, online forum, tiktok lol so everyone knows my situation by now

but i truly don't know what to do.. well i think i do.. like deep down so this is a vent ahah

i did search up and i do have options, but there's always something that makes me not competitive, whether that's because im a resit, whether its my ucat score, my sjt band, my gcse's ect. im not strong in any aspect of my application and it does hurt like a lot but it hurts more knowing that it's freshers week for my radiography course at st george city london (it is a good uni i think especially for radiography don't get me wrong) but i resat FOR MEDICINE, i stayed up studying from 3am-midnight every day for 6 months FOR MEDICINE, i had to listen to my parents give up on me all because i couldn't suck it up and have an ego so damn big i resat when i should have just settled.. but i so badly want to be a doctor. i can't change it now but i truly do hate that i self sabotaged myself and now there's such a large disparity between my NEED for academic validation and my academic inadequacy like i couldn't get a single A* despite being a resit and i think that shows how pathetic and embarrassingly optimistic/naive i am :frown:

i did send an email my uni asking for a withdrawal but i know there's a form and a whole process so im likely going to tell them nevermind im still going to attend

but gosh it hurts 😔 everything i've worked towards just to not do it? like i know people say it doesn't matter that i'd start medicine at 21 but it's so scary going on another gap year.. because what if i don't get in?? what if i don't get a single offer then im forced on another gap year.. i truly can't handle that and im joking but i would genuinely k-ms if that ended up being the case.. my parents constantly remind me that im going to start uni at radiography and i feel they did that knowing it was truly inevitable.. i feel they knew from the moment i failed my a levels the first time that i wasn't going to make it doing medicine (hence they moved on to focusing on making sure my brother and sister get good grades because their older sister obviously failed)

i probably won't in the future, but i know right now, i would genuinely resent radiography.. i would feel such heartache every time i see a doctor but i hate i love medicine so much because it is a hard degree but i love it

im so angry i couldn't just suck it up and do literally any other degree.. i could have been FINISHED soon but now im sitll here..

i truly don't know what to do.. i cannot stress it enough.. i know what i should do, i know what i can do, i know what would make sense to do but i just don't know :/

i really don't know guys.. im so sorry but thank you if you did read that it is so messy and frankly embarrassing but i don't think i can smile or get through this one, not with my whole heart in it anyway so i guess i'll be seeing you as a radiographer instead :smile:

i hate that you can't defer to apply else where that would literally have solved all my problems 😅

Reply 1

TSR Hippocrates

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Reply 2

Anonymous_Fly

It’s ok. I’m predicted A* A* A and absolutely flopped the ucat I got 1700 B3. I’m taking a gap year and hoping to apply to dent next year after I get my a levels. Despite taking only one gap year, I will also be 20 when my course starts as I’m born in early September. Overall, if med is what u rlly want then take that gap year. Also a level grades don’t rlly matter as long as you achieve AAA or AAB, then u will be fine !