How often should I contact my family if I'm not coping well with it?
I got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousI got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Hey there! Firstly, thank you for being so honest and I really am sorry about the experience you have been having so far. It does sound like you have been having a hard time but do not be too hard on yourself because going to university and being away from home is a big change that takes a lot of adjusting.
I would definitely advise you to give it more time before you completely decide to move back home. I know given your experience so far, it seems like it will not get better but it can! I would definitely say, stick with your first idea to see how you are coping up until Christmas because by then, you would have truly given it a fair shot.
It is a shame that you have not managed to create a bond with your flatmates but fortunately, they are not the only people around. You can also try befriend your classmates, and hey, think about it, you already have the same course in common so that is a great icebreaker! Making new friends can be tricky but it all starts with a warm smile and getting the courage to approach people, and you will find that in no time you will make great friends. I would also advise joining societies offered by your University because not only is it a great way to make friends as well but it serves as a great distraction to take your mind off of being away from home. Lastly, going to social spaces as well can always help. Even at your accommodation, especially if it is a student accommodation. Perhaps your flatmates did not become your best friends but maybe other people at the same accommodation will be!
As for talking to your family, I personally hold the belief that you can never talk to your family too much. And considering what you have said, they seem to care a lot about you and so I think they would rather you talk to them than not talk at all. And you will find that as time goes by and you really find your footing, talking to them less becomes natural. But I would say as for right now, continue talking to them as much as you feel you need to.
I really hope this helps and I hope your experience gets better. Feel free to ask more questions if you have any!
Ru
BCU student rep.
Reply 2
if you are in uni accommodation ask to change flats. Its not uncommon to not gel with your randomly selected flatmates so the uni will try and do something to fix things. The last thing they want is for you to drop out.
Have you joined any societies during freshers week? They are a great source of friends who share the same hobby or sport as you.
Once lectures start in ernest you will find friends from your course
Hang in there.
Have you joined any societies during freshers week? They are a great source of friends who share the same hobby or sport as you.
Once lectures start in ernest you will find friends from your course
Hang in there.
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousI got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Hi Anon,
Honestly, I've just started my PG degree and I still text my parents every day and call them usually once a day/every other day. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so rough - but please know that it is very normal.
It can be nice to find people around you at university to chat to and take your mind off of missing your family. I'd recommend trying to arrange things with course mates, or people you meet at freshers events. Maybe you could go on a walk to explore the local area, see if you can find any nice cafes? Even if you don't feel up to asking someone to hang out, keeping yourself busy and taking yourself out on a solo trip is also a great way to distract yourself.
This will be such a weird time for you, the transition is such a massive jump and it's definitely a shock to the system. Make sure you're taking care of yourself and I hope it gets a bit easier for you soon.
Rebecca (Lancaster Student Ambassador)
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear you have been feeling this way so far at uni. I know how you feel and it can be so hard to adjust to starting uni.
Firstly, I just wanted to say that things do get better. Once you feel more settled, get into a routine and start doing work, you will start to feel so much better as things like this really help. I think that giving it more time and trying to stick it out until Christmas sounds like a good idea as the likelihood is it will get better.
I also like ringing my family and it helped me a lot when I was in first year, just to know I had people I could call whenever I needed it. It's good that you are sharing how you feel and not just bottling it all up. If this is really helping, don't worry about calling them too much as it sounds like they are really there for you.
Once you start your course properly, you will meet so many new people here which will be nice, especially if you haven't got on that well with your flatmates so far. It sounds like you have tried with them so don't let this dishearten you and try again with any new people you meet. Ask people if they want to go for a coffee after uni, or even just to the library once you start getting a bit of work to do as you will find that a lot of people will be up for it.
Joining a society is also a good idea as it allows you to do something you enjoy which will take your mind off things anyway, and you can meet people while you are doing it! Have a look and see if your uni offers any that you like the sound of as these really are great.
I would also suggest talking to the wellbeing and support teams at your uni if you are really struggling. They are there to help you and will really support you if you need it.
I hope some of this helps and that everything goes well for you,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Original post
by AnonymousI got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Hey,
What you’re describing is actually a lot more common than you think. The first few weeks of uni can feel incredibly overwhelming, especially when it seems like everyone else has instantly clicked with their flatmates or made loads of friends. The truth is, most people are just putting on a brave face and figuring it out as they go. Feeling isolated, homesick, and like maybe uni “isn’t for you” happens to loads of students in the beginning, but it usually eases once you start to settle into routines and find your people.
It sounds like you’re already doing the right thing by getting out for walks and keeping yourself in touch with your family. The calls are a great source of comfort, but it might also help to balance them with small steps to ground yourself at uni, so you don’t feel like all your support is at home. Even trying out different societies, going to fresher events on your own, or just chatting to someone in your lectures can be a good way to slowly build connections. It’s daunting, but a lot of people are in the exact same boat, even if they don’t show it.
You’ve set yourself a good goal by deciding to stick it out until Christmas. That gives you time to adjust and see if things get easier, which for most people, they really do. In the meantime, it might be worth checking in with your uni’s wellbeing or counselling team. Having someone impartial to talk to can take the weight off your family and help you process things a bit more calmly.
You’re not failing at uni life, you’re just having a rough adjustment period. It will feel less intense as you get into the flow of things.
Good luck 😊
Arslan – University of Salford Student Representative
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousI got to university a couple of days ago, and I am really struggling with it. I haven't gotten along with any flatmates despite me offering to go out with them, and I've not met anyone yet. All I've been wanting to do is stay in or go home, but then I start spiralling and thinking uni isn't for me. It might not be, but I want to stick it out until Christmas even though I'm hating every minute of it. I've been going on walks to take my mind off it, but it's not really working. When I get back to my room I just start crying.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
I've been messaging my family a lot. Sometimes I think too much. I constantly want to be speaking with them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister for over an hour in the afternoon, and almost 2 hours with my mum in the evening. Even that doesn't feel enough for me, but I don't want to overdo it. My sister is currently in uni herself, and whenever I call my mum she seems so worried and tells me to just go home if it's too much, Whenever I call my mum I start crying and I really don't want her to feel bad, since I can tell she's gettng upset over me being like this.
Hi @Anonymous 👋
I am sorry to hear about this. Please do know that it is normal to feel that way. During my first week at uni last year, I also felt very homesick and spent the first few days just on the phone with my mum for hours. After a week though, i got used to being busy with classes and getting to know my roommates and also meeting my first friend who is now my best friend too. It takes time though to make friends and settle in and it is different for everyone.
It's ok to message your family a lot as well as I am sure they understand you feel homesick and it happens. Trying to distract yourself with walks is good and yes sometimes even that does not help. Staying in and not going is also ok I tend to do that as well, just putting on a good show on netflix and having some snacks on hand can help a lot.
It takes time to settle in and make friends is my point. You will be ok and many other students will feel the same way. Try and get out of your room and go to societies or talk to classmates and organise dates or simply hang out in your room with a friend. Don't feel so bad about this and remember this is a new experience, it will take time to settle into it 😊
Essex Student Rep - Lavanya 💜
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Older students
- Life feels rather pointless - advice?
- Hi guys
- Living in halls anxiety
- What’s the best way to deal with homesickness at university?
- Feeling genuinely sick about leaving for university
- Worried sick about failing university module.
- Is long distance worth it?
- Bereavement Help and Support
- Anxiety on starting uni
- dog euthanasia
- Balancing work and uni
- How do I cope with leaving home for university
- I need serious help
- Should I do Engineering or Medecine?
- Homesick at university
- Very anxious about leaving for uni
- Are friendships likely to last after sixth form?
- Blue Monday
- How are you coping with waiting for results/grade..
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 months ago
Laptop vs iPad for universityLast reply 3 months ago
living away from home for university- pros / cons, advice ?University life
15
15
Last reply 3 months ago
Should I Appeal an Academic Misconduct Finding at a UK University?Last reply 4 months ago
Will I be an outcast in uni if I don’t use social media?University life
14
13
Articles for you
How The Student Room is moderated
To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.
