Loneliness as a first year commuter
I've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
Reply 1
It will be difficult but lots of people commute so you are not alone. A great way of getting connected is to volunteer with the university to be a 'student ambassador' to help the uni with Open Day events - walk prospective students around campus. You will get paid for being an ambassador.
Another option is to take on a role with your course committee e.g. treasurer, social sec etc. This will introduce you to students on your course from other years and gives you an 'in' to connect with other students in your official capacity as the social sec. I was the social sec for my course and had to arrange the annual ball so I connected with students from all the years as well as lecturers in the department.
Another option is to become the module rep for one (or two) of the modules. This will again give you the opportunity to mix with other students.
Finally, look into the option of booking into a travelodge when there is a social bash so that you dont miss all the social events. Travelodge allows pets (for a £20 fee).
Another option is to take on a role with your course committee e.g. treasurer, social sec etc. This will introduce you to students on your course from other years and gives you an 'in' to connect with other students in your official capacity as the social sec. I was the social sec for my course and had to arrange the annual ball so I connected with students from all the years as well as lecturers in the department.
Another option is to become the module rep for one (or two) of the modules. This will again give you the opportunity to mix with other students.
Finally, look into the option of booking into a travelodge when there is a social bash so that you dont miss all the social events. Travelodge allows pets (for a £20 fee).
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
Hi @Anonymous 👋
This is very normal honestly. Many people commute at university and do struggle to make friends as they are further away and dont have many opportunities to be on campus other than for classes. People who live in on campus accommodations do tend to go back to their rooms whenever they can, I do too! This is because I find it easier to relax in my room and energise and then go back to classes etc 🙂
Commuting is fine though, its not a problem. All I can suggest is to try and talk to people in your class and find others who may also commute and organise dates to meet off campus maybe at a cafe or go on a walk if they wish 😊
It will take time to make friends regardless of where you live- on campus or off campus accommodation. You do have time though so ensure you ask people whether they live on campus or off campus and try and organise time to meet outside of campus, look for people who are closer to you ☀️
Essex Student Rep - Lavanya 💜
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
Hi there,
Former second-to-fourth year commuter here. I completely empathise with what you're saying about feeling alone. I too commuted 1.5-2 hours on buses up to my uni from home and felt similar when others talked about their houses nearby. And its hard. But in my experience, if you keep making the effort to keep in touch with people, get involved in things on campus and meet friends for coffee/lunch etc during the day, things do get better. The best friends I met at uni were actually in a tutor group with me so I found my people just through academia which is also absolutely fine.
What do you think you'll do next year? Will you be staying home, or will you be moving in with people in the city you're in? If you got together with a few friends and decided to find a house together as many people do in second year+, you could bring your animals (I'm assuming a dog, cat or rabbit?) and be closer to uni so you can join more things.
Also, perhaps check if your uni offers any mixers or socials for commuters - this could be a good way of connecting with people in a similar situation to you.
I hope this adds - trust me its not easy but things defo get better, especially past first year when most people commute in some way.
University of Bath
Reply 4
Nice information thanks for sharing this
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
Hey,
I 100% relate to this. I've been a commuter since my foundation year, and I completely get what you mean about the first week feeling incredibly lonely. You're also right about how much universities seem to put a heavy emphasis on living in accommodation; it can definitely make you feel a bit isolated.
Please don't feel like you're alone in this. There are more commuters out there than you think.
I also found that in my first year, the societies I tried felt a bit "cliquey" and just didn't have the right vibe. But I didn't give up. For my second year, I started looking for societies outside of the university, and it was a total breath of fresh air! I was nervous, of course, but that feeling faded as I got used to it. I even found one that had afternoon events, which was perfect.
I found my friend group through common interests and just by relating to each other. We met in a lecture and became friends after I sparked up a simple conversation like, "How did you find the lecture?" Even if it’s just one small conversation you have with someone, that’s perfectly fine. If they don't engage with you, that's okay too; you can't force something that's not there. At least you tried, right?
My advice is not to give up on societies yet. If the ones at uni don't work for you, look for clubs or groups in the city that have events during the day. It took me a while to find my friend group, and that's perfectly fine.
It won't be an easy journey, but you will eventually find your people.
Hope this helps!😊
Rachel
(Third Year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism
Reply 6
Original post
by University of BathHi there,
Former second-to-fourth year commuter here. I completely empathise with what you're saying about feeling alone. I too commuted 1.5-2 hours on buses up to my uni from home and felt similar when others talked about their houses nearby. And its hard. But in my experience, if you keep making the effort to keep in touch with people, get involved in things on campus and meet friends for coffee/lunch etc during the day, things do get better. The best friends I met at uni were actually in a tutor group with me so I found my people just through academia which is also absolutely fine.
What do you think you'll do next year? Will you be staying home, or will you be moving in with people in the city you're in? If you got together with a few friends and decided to find a house together as many people do in second year+, you could bring your animals (I'm assuming a dog, cat or rabbit?) and be closer to uni so you can join more things.
Also, perhaps check if your uni offers any mixers or socials for commuters - this could be a good way of connecting with people in a similar situation to you.
I hope this adds - trust me its not easy but things defo get better, especially past first year when most people commute in some way.
University of Bath
Former second-to-fourth year commuter here. I completely empathise with what you're saying about feeling alone. I too commuted 1.5-2 hours on buses up to my uni from home and felt similar when others talked about their houses nearby. And its hard. But in my experience, if you keep making the effort to keep in touch with people, get involved in things on campus and meet friends for coffee/lunch etc during the day, things do get better. The best friends I met at uni were actually in a tutor group with me so I found my people just through academia which is also absolutely fine.
What do you think you'll do next year? Will you be staying home, or will you be moving in with people in the city you're in? If you got together with a few friends and decided to find a house together as many people do in second year+, you could bring your animals (I'm assuming a dog, cat or rabbit?) and be closer to uni so you can join more things.
Also, perhaps check if your uni offers any mixers or socials for commuters - this could be a good way of connecting with people in a similar situation to you.
I hope this adds - trust me its not easy but things defo get better, especially past first year when most people commute in some way.
University of Bath
I'm gonna be commuting for my whole time at uni - said animal is a horse, so she's a bit too big to take with me 😬😂
Thank you for your advice, though. It's nice to hear about people having similar experiences
Reply 7
Hi there,
There’s already some great advice here, but I just wanted to add a few thoughts from my own experience.
If society timings don’t work for you, you could consider starting your own—maybe something based on your interests (e.g. animals) or even a commuting students’ network where people can meet for coffee or daytime socials once a week/month. Societies don’t have to be just hobbies; some are academic, culture-based, or built around shared circumstances, so you’d have plenty of scope to shape something that works for you.
I also agree with looking out for campus jobs like Student Ambassador or research roles (like helping with distributing surveys or running focus groups). These can be a great way to meet people.
And finally, sitting next to people in lectures, inviting them for a quick coffee or lunch afterwards, or setting up a small group chat. As a commuting student, I know it can take a bit more planning than in halls where things happen spontaneously, but more often than not, people are just waiting for someone to suggest something.
I also want to reassure you that it’s never too late to find your people. Personally, I didn’t meet my best friend at uni until I was in my third year. First year is really about putting yourself out there, meeting as many people as you can, and giving yourself time 🙂
Megan (LJMU Rep)
There’s already some great advice here, but I just wanted to add a few thoughts from my own experience.
If society timings don’t work for you, you could consider starting your own—maybe something based on your interests (e.g. animals) or even a commuting students’ network where people can meet for coffee or daytime socials once a week/month. Societies don’t have to be just hobbies; some are academic, culture-based, or built around shared circumstances, so you’d have plenty of scope to shape something that works for you.
I also agree with looking out for campus jobs like Student Ambassador or research roles (like helping with distributing surveys or running focus groups). These can be a great way to meet people.
And finally, sitting next to people in lectures, inviting them for a quick coffee or lunch afterwards, or setting up a small group chat. As a commuting student, I know it can take a bit more planning than in halls where things happen spontaneously, but more often than not, people are just waiting for someone to suggest something.
I also want to reassure you that it’s never too late to find your people. Personally, I didn’t meet my best friend at uni until I was in my third year. First year is really about putting yourself out there, meeting as many people as you can, and giving yourself time 🙂
Megan (LJMU Rep)
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
I just want to say first of all that what you’re feeling is completely normal so many people feel lonely and overwhelmed in the first few weeks. The fact you’re already putting yourself out there and making the effort to talk to people shows you’re doing all the right things, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. It really does take time for genuine friendships to form, and you’re only a week in so please don’t be too hard on yourself, I'll be a little honest I myself struggled with finding my people in the first couple weeks.
As a commuter it is trickier, but you’re definitely not alone in this, even if it feels like you haven’t met others in the same boat yet. I have some tips that might help though. I suggest instead of wandering alone, try spending that time in the library, café, or common areas where others from your course might be. Even small regular interactions (sitting next to the same people in lectures, asking questions, suggesting grabbing a quick coffee before/after class) can build up naturally over time. Right now people might just go back home in between classes, but from experience that changes once there is work to be done for your course, and people end up staying on campus.
Another advice I have is if your course has a group chat, try suggesting a meet-up during the day (like lunch between lectures). These don’t need to be late-night socials, and you’ll often find others prefer daytime stuff to.
Most importantly it does get better. Right now everyone’s still finding their footing and clinging to whoever they’ve met in halls, but as weeks go by, people settle down, course bonds grow stronger, and you’ll naturally fall into a rhythm. You’re not doing anything wrong you’re just at the very start of the process.
You’ve got this
Kind regards Aneta 3rd year forensics
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
I can really relate to what you’ve written, I was a commuter too and honestly those first few weeks felt so isolating for me as well. It can take a bit longer to find your place when you’re not living in halls, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get there.
One thing that helped me was asking people if they wanted to grab lunch or a coffee in between lectures, lots of people actually appreciate someone suggesting it, even if they head back to accommodation sometimes. It might feel a bit out of your comfort zone at first, but those little invites can open doors to more natural friendships.
I’d also say don’t underestimate your existing relationships at home, commuting does mean you keep that support network close, which a lot of students in halls actually end up missing. It can be a real strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
And please don’t put pressure on yourself to have it all sorted in week one. Uni is a long journey, and friendships can form slowly. If you ever feel really overwhelmed, most unis have a wellbeing or student support team you can reach out to, they’re genuinely there to listen and help.
So yeah…don’t give up. You’re not doing anything wrong, and you’re definitely not the only one feeling this way (even if it seems like everyone else is settled already). You will find your people, it just might take a bit of time and a few extra steps as a commuter, but it’s 100% possible.
Good luck! You’ve totally got this 💪
Sophie 😊
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousI've just started my first week of uni, and i feel like this first week has been one of the loneliest experiences I've been through in recent years. I commute due to having animal care responsibilities at home that i simply cannot move away from, as well as not being able to afford student accommodation as my maintenance loan wouldn't cover the costs.
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
How have people found that they have been able to make friends? The most common piece of advice I seem to be getting is to join societies, but the societies that interest me all tend to be evening socials that it's super difficult for me to be able to attend. I am a bit of a distance commuter - the commute takes just over an hour and a half including driving to my local train station, getting a 45 min ish train into the city, and then a half an hour walk up to the actual uni campus.
I keep finding that in between lectures and seminars, the people I've met through social media and through just talking to people are going back to their accommodations for one reason or another, and I'm just kind of ending up wandering around alone. I haven't actually met anyone yet who is also commuting - the first questions always seem to be "what course are you studying?" and "what accommodation are you in?"
I don't know whether it's just because it's early days, and I'm not the most extroverted person ever (despite me truly making an effort to try talk to people!) but while i knew it'd take a while to meet people and make friends, i didn't expect to feel so.. alone.
My uni also seems to place such a heavy emphasis on people moving into accommodation, settling into the city, making the city their "home away from home" and none of it seems to apply to me - I've lived this commute away my whole life.
Has anyone else had similar(ish) experiences while commuting? Were you able to eventually start to find your people?
Hi there,
I know you have received some great advice already, but I just thought I would add some of my own here too in case it reassures you further.
Firstly, some of my closest friends at uni were commuters and they ended up making quite a lot of friends so it is definitely very possible. I think they struggled a bit more at first, but once freshers dies down and people are more interested in doing other things as well as just going out, they found a lot more ways of meeting people.
I wouldn't give up with the societies yet - as someone else said if you really want to be a part of one you could always think about making one! This way you can make sure they meet at times that suit you and is something you are intreated in. Or, you could look outside of the uni. See if there are any general clubs nearby that you can join as these can be good ways of meeting people too. Some of these may meet at a more convenient time too!
I would also suggest having a look on social media as you can often find people on here too. Have a look on Facebook if you have it as there are often groups on there for different universities, as well as students who commute so see if there are any. It can also feel easier sometimes to talk to people online rather than face to face so it is worth a look.
You could also ask people on your course if they want to go for a coffee or something similar after uni too. Try and stay for a little bit after your lessons if you can and see if anyone is up for it. I know it is hard when people are just going back to their halls, but it is still worth asking.
I think that things will start to improve for you once people get settled in their routines and freshers is over so try not to worry too much as there is still so much time for you to meet people.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
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