Not sure whether or not to drop out
I have recently started to commute to a RG uni. I have to drive 25-50 mins depending on traffic and then get the park and ride to near the uni as there are no other reasonable places to park. The drive is difficult for me as I have quite severe driving anxiety, which is also affecting my driving and to the point where I can't actually focus on any lectures because I am either stressing about having to drive home or stressing about mistakes I made on my way there. The commuting also takes quite a significant part of my day due to both traffic, having to match timings to the park and ride bus timings, and having to psyche myself up to actually take the journey. It also feels very isolating as I can't join in any social activities due to having to think about the commute (the last park and ride bus is around 7pm), and although my parents have said they can give me evening lifts, I obviously can't expect to be picked up at midnight. I also would never be able to afford the accommodation there, so moving there at a later point is not an option.
I didn't actually want to go to this uni, I only did it because I thought the comfort of staying at home would overpower the fact that I didn't want to be at that uni if that makes any sense. But it just makes me really sad everytime I think about the uni that I wanted to go to, which is also a RG uni (albeit slightly lower ranked than my current one) and just feels so much more 'right' than my current one. Another problem is I don't think I want to do the same course anymore, as I picked just because of a specific career, but don't even think it's right for me anymore. It just worries me to continue since it's a very oversaturated degree (psychology), there's a lot that I find boring in psychology, and a lot of people say it's a 'useless' degree.
The only problem is I have already taken a gap year and my dad is VERY against me taking another one. He says that nobody he knows has ever done that and I am just wasting my life away, despite the fact that I have a plan for another year and my past gap year was so transformative for me. According to him it's only 'stupid drop-outs' who take 2 gap years. He told me that everyone who goes to work has to commute which is obviously true but with the social aspect of uni I think it's not something that can be compared. I think he just has a very rigid view of what life needs to be like and when I mentioned that to him, he told me that I need to get out of my fantasy that I can take life the way I need to. My dad also told me that he will not be supporting me in any way if I do it again and would kick me out of the house. I know that my mum would not let that happen and she herself told me away from my dad that it's entirely up to me (although agrees with him when they're in the same room), but it still doesn't feel great to here. My dad also said that me "not doing anything with my life" is making his depression worse and is stressing the rest of the family out, so I really don't know what to do. To me, if I continue doing this degree here, that feels like so much more of a waste than taking another year out but maybe I really am being irrational I don't know. I also feel like if I dropped out sooner than later it would be less damaging to a future uni application.
Thank you to anyone who has read this long mess of a post. It's half a rant and half asking for advice. Maybe I should stick it out but thinking of living like this for 3 years doesn't exactly make me happy. I know what I would like to do, which would be to reapply to the uni I want to go to, but I'm just worried about the consequences and whether I'm just being too naive.
I didn't actually want to go to this uni, I only did it because I thought the comfort of staying at home would overpower the fact that I didn't want to be at that uni if that makes any sense. But it just makes me really sad everytime I think about the uni that I wanted to go to, which is also a RG uni (albeit slightly lower ranked than my current one) and just feels so much more 'right' than my current one. Another problem is I don't think I want to do the same course anymore, as I picked just because of a specific career, but don't even think it's right for me anymore. It just worries me to continue since it's a very oversaturated degree (psychology), there's a lot that I find boring in psychology, and a lot of people say it's a 'useless' degree.
The only problem is I have already taken a gap year and my dad is VERY against me taking another one. He says that nobody he knows has ever done that and I am just wasting my life away, despite the fact that I have a plan for another year and my past gap year was so transformative for me. According to him it's only 'stupid drop-outs' who take 2 gap years. He told me that everyone who goes to work has to commute which is obviously true but with the social aspect of uni I think it's not something that can be compared. I think he just has a very rigid view of what life needs to be like and when I mentioned that to him, he told me that I need to get out of my fantasy that I can take life the way I need to. My dad also told me that he will not be supporting me in any way if I do it again and would kick me out of the house. I know that my mum would not let that happen and she herself told me away from my dad that it's entirely up to me (although agrees with him when they're in the same room), but it still doesn't feel great to here. My dad also said that me "not doing anything with my life" is making his depression worse and is stressing the rest of the family out, so I really don't know what to do. To me, if I continue doing this degree here, that feels like so much more of a waste than taking another year out but maybe I really am being irrational I don't know. I also feel like if I dropped out sooner than later it would be less damaging to a future uni application.
Thank you to anyone who has read this long mess of a post. It's half a rant and half asking for advice. Maybe I should stick it out but thinking of living like this for 3 years doesn't exactly make me happy. I know what I would like to do, which would be to reapply to the uni I want to go to, but I'm just worried about the consequences and whether I'm just being too naive.
Reply 1
It really sounds like you’re going through a lot right now, I would also be going on a Rant in your posistion. While I can't in good-faith provide direct guidance or an obvious answer, I do have a suggested alternative.
Based on everything you’ve shared, the daily challenges with commuting, parking, driving anxiety, accommodation issues, and how all of that is affecting your focus and social life , one option that might actually help is switching to an online version of your course.
Studying online definitely comes with its own challenges (especially around the social side of uni), but when you're trying to manage six different stress points, reducing that to just one could make a big difference. Online learning gives you a chance to study from home, work more flexibly, and remove a major source of daily anxiety and exhaustion. It’s not a perfect fix, but it might give you the breathing space you need to focus on your course and mental health.
Looking into switching to online
I’d recommend speaking to your university’s wellbeing team or academic advisor to see what options are available. You could ask:
If your uni already offers your course online, there’s a chance you could transition without resitting the whole year, depending on how the course is structured and assessed.
Changing uni altogether
If your current uni doesn’t have an online version of your course, or if you’re thinking of changing subject or uni completely, there are a couple of options worth exploring:
It’s absolutely okay to consider a different route if your current setup isn’t working for you, and hopefully you will find a path suited for you.
Best of Luck,
Alfred Student Ambassador,
The University of Law (Manchester)
Based on everything you’ve shared, the daily challenges with commuting, parking, driving anxiety, accommodation issues, and how all of that is affecting your focus and social life , one option that might actually help is switching to an online version of your course.
Studying online definitely comes with its own challenges (especially around the social side of uni), but when you're trying to manage six different stress points, reducing that to just one could make a big difference. Online learning gives you a chance to study from home, work more flexibly, and remove a major source of daily anxiety and exhaustion. It’s not a perfect fix, but it might give you the breathing space you need to focus on your course and mental health.
Looking into switching to online
I’d recommend speaking to your university’s wellbeing team or academic advisor to see what options are available. You could ask:
•
Whether your course has an online or blended version
•
What the process is for switching from in-person to online study
•
Whether you’d need to pause or restart any modules, or if you could carry on from where you are
Changing uni altogether
If your current uni doesn’t have an online version of your course, or if you’re thinking of changing subject or uni completely, there are a couple of options worth exploring:
•
Advanced entry or credit transfer: Some unis allow students to join in Year 2 or 3 if your completed modules line up with theirs. You’d usually need to provide a transcript and module breakdown for this.
•
Starting fresh at a new uni: If you want to change course completely, you may need to start again from Year 1. It’s more common than people think, and can still be worth it if it puts you on the right path.
•
Online degrees elsewhere: Unis like The University of Law, Open University, Arden and others offer fully online degrees in subjects like Law, Psychology, Criminology and Business, often with flexible start dates throughout the year. These can be a good fit if you’re looking for a fresh start but need to stay at home.
Best of Luck,
Alfred Student Ambassador,
The University of Law (Manchester)
Reply 2
Psychology is a great degree to have so dont be put off by people saying its oversaturated and not worth studying; they are wrong. Do you honestly think every Aeronautical Engineering student joins Rolls Royce after graduating - they dont. They use that degree as a base to go and do something else - lots of engineers become accountants.
If you want to switch its not too late. What other degree did you want to do if not psychology? I am sure any STEM course at your uni will have vacancies and will take you - biochem, biology etc.
Regarding the commute - that is a tough one. It too glib to simply say that the more you do the journey, the more your confidence will grow but its true. Change is a shock for everyone but once it becomes the norm then its less stressful. Can you take the train rather than the car? Trains all have wifi so an hour sitting on a train watching Netflix can be less stressful.
You always have the option of booking into a Travelodge once a week to stay over and not miss out on the social events at uni. Or even ask to sleep on one or your friend's floors.
Looks like the option of taking another gap year will be hard since your dad will need convincing. Honestly, he is probably coming from the right place with his tough love approach but he does care for you - he is willing to pick you up at 12 midnight from a night out with your friends so he cannot be all bad.
If you want to switch its not too late. What other degree did you want to do if not psychology? I am sure any STEM course at your uni will have vacancies and will take you - biochem, biology etc.
Regarding the commute - that is a tough one. It too glib to simply say that the more you do the journey, the more your confidence will grow but its true. Change is a shock for everyone but once it becomes the norm then its less stressful. Can you take the train rather than the car? Trains all have wifi so an hour sitting on a train watching Netflix can be less stressful.
You always have the option of booking into a Travelodge once a week to stay over and not miss out on the social events at uni. Or even ask to sleep on one or your friend's floors.
Looks like the option of taking another gap year will be hard since your dad will need convincing. Honestly, he is probably coming from the right place with his tough love approach but he does care for you - he is willing to pick you up at 12 midnight from a night out with your friends so he cannot be all bad.
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