Struggling at Uni
I’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
Reply 1
Unfortunately this has become a shallow world where looks seem to have more emphasis than it should. If you are feeling insecure I recommend getting in touch with a Health and wellbeing councellor at uni. They are there to support you and your mental health. You should not be missing lectures to avoid breaks.
Try and join societies outside of your course e.g. Book clubs or cinema clubs where discussing the book or the movie is the focus and not one's looks. You could consider using your size to its advantage. Have you considered women's rugby - the England women's rugby team did ok recently.
Try and join societies outside of your course e.g. Book clubs or cinema clubs where discussing the book or the movie is the focus and not one's looks. You could consider using your size to its advantage. Have you considered women's rugby - the England women's rugby team did ok recently.
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
Hi, I was sorry to read you’re struggling. There is a lot of shallowness around, but it says a whole lot more about those people than about you.
Do reach out and seek the help of the wellness support team at your uni, to help you work through your anxiety. It will really help to chat through how you’re feeling and they will support you.
You show a huge amount of determination with your fitness routine that many couldn’t. But I would say be doing that for yourself, perhaps because you want to feel healthier or more confident. Don’t do it for anyone else or because they value image over everything else.
Consider trying new activities or societies to see if you can find something you'll enjoy and where you'll meet people. Maybe something easy to do, a walking group, or an activity or interest that you’ve not tried before. Other people will be trying new things too and often that’s what makes it fun. Meeting people and making friends will flow if you can try and find things that you enjoy or make you feel good.
Wishing you all the best, you can do this!
Reply 3
Try and join societies outside of your course e.g.
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear you have been struggling while at uni so far. Uni can be tricky and feeling homesick or anxious can really intensify these feelings.
My best advice is to talk to someone about the way you are feeling. Your uni will have a wellbeing team that you can talk to about how you feel and they can support you through this and make sure that you are feeling okay and have someone to talk to. Have a look at how you go about making an appointment with them and definitely do it as I think that it will really help you.
I also think it may be worth trying again with a society. Uni can be tough and I know the feeling of feeling like you are just getting through the day but not really interacting with people, so I would recommend seeing if you can find one you like the sound of as I think it would be worth it!
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
Hiya,
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles adjusting in university. The first year in uni is one of the hardest to adjust, especially when you are living far away from home for the first time in a new environment.
If you anxiety is affecting your studies and daily life, you should check out your uni's well being support services just to have someone objective you can talk to about it. Sometimes a listening ear and fresh perspective is all you need.
There are also many other societies unrelated to your course you can try out 🤗 Real friendships take time to build and joining a society helps in creating a weekly social routine with the same people.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in the academic year ahead.
Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)
Reply 6
Original post
by mike23mikeUnfortunately this has become a shallow world where looks seem to have more emphasis than it should. If you are feeling insecure I recommend getting in touch with a Health and wellbeing councellor at uni. They are there to support you and your mental health. You should not be missing lectures to avoid breaks.
Try and join societies outside of your course e.g. Book clubs or cinema clubs where discussing the book or the movie is the focus and not one's looks. You could consider using your size to its advantage. Have you considered women's rugby - the England women's rugby team did ok recently.
Try and join societies outside of your course e.g. Book clubs or cinema clubs where discussing the book or the movie is the focus and not one's looks. You could consider using your size to its advantage. Have you considered women's rugby - the England women's rugby team did ok recently.
Thanks for your response. I feel too embarrassed speaking face to face with anyone about my issues. I joined my courses society but it was all drinking and club related. I don’t drink but decided to go anyways and it wasn’t enjoyable. The other societies don’t seem interesting to me either unfortunately. I really do want to join a sport society but I feel people will make fun of me due to my size .
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousHi, I was sorry to read you’re struggling. There is a lot of shallowness around, but it says a whole lot more about those people than about you.
Do reach out and seek the help of the wellness support team at your uni, to help you work through your anxiety. It will really help to chat through how you’re feeling and they will support you.
You show a huge amount of determination with your fitness routine that many couldn’t. But I would say be doing that for yourself, perhaps because you want to feel healthier or more confident. Don’t do it for anyone else or because they value image over everything else.
Consider trying new activities or societies to see if you can find something you'll enjoy and where you'll meet people. Maybe something easy to do, a walking group, or an activity or interest that you’ve not tried before. Other people will be trying new things too and often that’s what makes it fun. Meeting people and making friends will flow if you can try and find things that you enjoy or make you feel good.
Wishing you all the best, you can do this!
Do reach out and seek the help of the wellness support team at your uni, to help you work through your anxiety. It will really help to chat through how you’re feeling and they will support you.
You show a huge amount of determination with your fitness routine that many couldn’t. But I would say be doing that for yourself, perhaps because you want to feel healthier or more confident. Don’t do it for anyone else or because they value image over everything else.
Consider trying new activities or societies to see if you can find something you'll enjoy and where you'll meet people. Maybe something easy to do, a walking group, or an activity or interest that you’ve not tried before. Other people will be trying new things too and often that’s what makes it fun. Meeting people and making friends will flow if you can try and find things that you enjoy or make you feel good.
Wishing you all the best, you can do this!
Thanks for your response! I’ve managed to speak to the doctors and get prescribed for some anxiety meds. I’m definitely trying to lose the weight for myself but it’s really hard seeing everyone else absolutely tiny. I’ve really tried putting myself out there but no one’s reciprocating them back, I don’t blame them. We have a fellwalking society but I’m just worried people will judge me for my size unfortunately
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
It might be difficult to adjust to university, so I'm really sorry you're going through this. Even though you're already doing your hardest, don't punish your body by eating too little calories; this could make things more difficult. Speak with the wellbeing team at your university; they can assist with loneliness and anxiety. Real rest and support are what you deserve, not more stress.
Reply 9
Hi i'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time at university. I wrote a blog about how to make friends when your struggling that is worth checking out if you'd like, i'll tag it here. In my opinion though, good friends won't care what you look like, they should want to be your friend because you get along and like each other's company not because they think you look pretty. So if your exercising and dieting for others not yourself its not worth it in my opinion and only makes your mental health worse. I think you should reach out to the counselling team at your university just for a chat and to let them know how you're feeling. Getting it off your chest and having someone at uni know you're struggling can make a lot of difference.
I hope this helps,
vee (kingston rep)
I hope this helps,
vee (kingston rep)
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
Hi there,
I really want to acknowledge how well you’re already doing. Moving away from home to study is a big step in itself, and on top of that you’re committing to improving yourself at the gym — that’s something to genuinely be proud of. You’ve already shown courage, independence and discipline, and those are qualities that will take you far.
It’s completely normal to find making friends at university challenging at first. Our minds can sometimes convince us that we’re the only ones struggling, but the truth is many students feel the same way when they start. What matters is that you’re showing up and trying — that already puts you ahead.
And remember, you don’t need a lot of friends — just the right ones. Focus on finding people who support you, encourage you, and help you grow. Quality is so much more valuable than quantity. Anyone can find people to go out partying with, but not everyone finds friends who genuinely care, listen, and bring out the best in them.
So keep working on yourself — you are doing brilliantly. Be patient, stay open, and trust that the right friendships will come with time. You’re building a strong foundation for your future, and that effort will absolutely pay off.
You’ve got this. 💛
Best wishes,
Elmehdi Tahiri - DMU representative
Reply 11
Original post
by AnonymousI’ve started Uni quite far from home and I’m struggling to make friends. I talk to people I sit next to in lectures and then go straight home. My day consists of Uni, gym, dinner and sleep. I went to one society event for my course and it made me feel so insecure. All the girls were stunning essentially size UK 6-8 whereas im a UK 16-20. I’m at the point of eating less than 1000 calories a day and do an hour and a half of cardio about 5 days a week at the gym. I absolutely hate being the only fat girl and wonder maybe if this is why people don’t want to be friends with me. I lost 2 stone before starting Uni, everyone says they can see a difference; I’m not sure if they’re saying to keep me motivated or what but i genuinely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m working very hard at the gym, eating the minimum but i don’t feel any improvement. I’m not sure what to do with life anymore. My anxiety has gotten the worst it’s ever been and I’m starting to feel depressed. I’m missing lectures if they have breaks between them as I don’t want to be alone, I’d rather just go home and catch up the next day. I know this isn’t great but what can I do.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this, what you’re describing sounds incredibly painful, and it takes a lot of strength to even put those feelings into words.
Please know that you’re not alone in this, even if it feels like you are right now. So many people struggle to settle in at uni, and body image issues can make that so much harder.
First and most importantly, it sounds like your mental and physical health are really suffering right now, and you deserve support. Please reach out to your university’s wellbeing or mental health team, every uni has one, and they’re there exactly for situations like this. They can offer counselling or help you connect with someone who specialises in anxiety, self-esteem, and body image. You could also speak to your GP about how you’re feeling….especially since eating so little and over-exercising can really affect your health, even when your intention is just to feel better about yourself.
What you’re experiencing around food and exercise sounds like it’s coming from a place of deep frustration and wanting to fit in and that’s completely understandable, but it’s starting to harm you rather than help you. Getting the right support now can make a huge difference. You don’t have to go through this alone or “fix” it by yourself.
As for friendships, please believe me when I say your weight is not the reason you’re finding it hard to connect with people. Making genuine friends at uni often takes time, no matter what you look like. A lot of people put on a confident front while quietly feeling just as anxious or out of place. Try to focus on connecting with people in smaller, lower-pressure settings, like study groups, course WhatsApp chats, or interest-based societies that aren’t just about appearances. Sometimes friendships build from simple, consistent conversations over time rather than instantly clicking.
It might also help to talk to someone you trust from home, a friend, parent, or sibling…just to have that emotional grounding and remind yourself that you are loved and valued for who you are.
You’re clearly trying so hard and care deeply about doing well, but you don’t have to punish yourself to fit in. You deserve kindness, from others and from yourself. Start by getting some support from your GP or university wellbeing team, things can get better with the right help, and you’ll start to see yourself in a much kinder light again.
You’re doing your best in a really difficult situation and that’s something to be proud of. Take small steps, reach out, and let people help you. You don’t have to carry this alone.
Good luck, Sophie 🙂
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