vent cause im a coward 😭

my life is such a mess all because i was too scared to go against my parents so now im applying to medicine (my grades were never enough anyway), my backup is in another career i find boring, i dont know what else i want to do in life (well kind of. we all have that 'dream job' that you can never achieve but its too late for me now for that career anyway, im too old)

i just feel so empty, like whatever i do now is just building on my parents disappointment

im 20 btw and i really do hope i get in so i can start uni at 21 because i might actually 🏢🤸*♀️🪦 if i dont start

its so lonely.. its embarrassing

i want to do law but my parents convinced me it was just like choosing art at university so i never thought of it again

i havent slept in 2 weeks because the one time i decide to choose for myself my life has turned to **** i should have just listened to my parents and not rebel because now my grades are crappy and im 20 ******* years old and can't make a decision for myself without it ruining my life for the foreseeable future

im so overwhelmed idk what to do and thats all just the surface or else people will know who i am 😭

is there anyone in my situation?? asian parents forcing you to do a uni degree (not even like forcing you but their words will definitely be more than disappointed if i didnt do the degree), u do a resit so your parents give up on you but are still not open to you doing anything and at your big age is still on a gap year because you decided to withdraw from uni which was the biggest mistake of your life

just kms now omg 😭😭 i dont know what to do

Reply 1

Mohammed_2000

Original post

by Anonymous

my life is such a mess all because i was too scared to go against my parents so now im applying to medicine (my grades were never enough anyway), my backup is in another career i find boring, i dont know what else i want to do in life (well kind of. we all have that 'dream job' that you can never achieve but its too late for me now for that career anyway, im too old)
i just feel so empty, like whatever i do now is just building on my parents disappointment
im 20 btw and i really do hope i get in so i can start uni at 21 because i might actually 🏢🤸*♀️🪦 if i dont start
its so lonely.. its embarrassing
i want to do law but my parents convinced me it was just like choosing art at university so i never thought of it again
i havent slept in 2 weeks because the one time i decide to choose for myself my life has turned to **** i should have just listened to my parents and not rebel because now my grades are crappy and im 20 ******* years old and can't make a decision for myself without it ruining my life for the foreseeable future
im so overwhelmed idk what to do and thats all just the surface or else people will know who i am 😭
is there anyone in my situation?? asian parents forcing you to do a uni degree (not even like forcing you but their words will definitely be more than disappointed if i didnt do the degree), u do a resit so your parents give up on you but are still not open to you doing anything and at your big age is still on a gap year because you decided to withdraw from uni which was the biggest mistake of your life
just kms now omg 😭😭 i dont know what to do

I can relate I’m 24, 25 in a couple of months. I so regret listening to my uncle and his friend and going to do a computing degree at university. The degree is useless I can’t find no job my heart and mind was set on an apprenticeship so I can totally relate, what’s even worse is they always look at your downfall and think your inferior to those that are closer to you such as your siblings. Do I think it’s too late to start at 21 no, would I personally recommend university no I personally would do an apprenticeship to get your route and way into law if this is the case or to be because the job market out there is so difficult and hard and so competitive and challenging to break into it’s just a nightmare.

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

my life is such a mess all because i was too scared to go against my parents so now im applying to medicine (my grades were never enough anyway), my backup is in another career i find boring, i dont know what else i want to do in life (well kind of. we all have that 'dream job' that you can never achieve but its too late for me now for that career anyway, im too old)
i just feel so empty, like whatever i do now is just building on my parents disappointment
im 20 btw and i really do hope i get in so i can start uni at 21 because i might actually 🏢🤸*♀️🪦 if i dont start
its so lonely.. its embarrassing
i want to do law but my parents convinced me it was just like choosing art at university so i never thought of it again
i havent slept in 2 weeks because the one time i decide to choose for myself my life has turned to **** i should have just listened to my parents and not rebel because now my grades are crappy and im 20 ******* years old and can't make a decision for myself without it ruining my life for the foreseeable future
im so overwhelmed idk what to do and thats all just the surface or else people will know who i am 😭
is there anyone in my situation?? asian parents forcing you to do a uni degree (not even like forcing you but their words will definitely be more than disappointed if i didnt do the degree), u do a resit so your parents give up on you but are still not open to you doing anything and at your big age is still on a gap year because you decided to withdraw from uni which was the biggest mistake of your life
just kms now omg 😭😭 i dont know what to do

You're 20, any age is too young to say 'it's too late' but 20 is way too young to say that. I know that a lot of your peers would have probably finished year 2 by the time you're starting uni, but in the grand scheme of things, it really won't make a big difference, people change careers all the time, especially people in their 20s.

I personally wouldn't advise you to go along with medicine. It's one of the hardest degrees, you're gonna need to be passionate and motivated to get through it.

Also, as an adult you have to make your own decisions, you can't blame your parents if you realise down the line medicine was a mistake.

I feel for you. You sound like you're beating yourself up, you just need to realise that mistakes are a big part of life and back yourself. If I were in your position I'd figure out what I want in the future and start making a plan towards it, rather than letting others make your decisions for you. You'll feel way more motivated and happy.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Mohammed_2000

omg the computer science degree, it's just that holy grail of degrees ahhhh
the sibling thing is so real.. im a resit student and the moment I got my results (I only got A's this time) they told my siblings 'we want nothing less than A*'s from you' so that hurt lol

the thing is though about me I'd be too scared to apply to apprenticeships. im too scared to do anything because I've disappointed my parents enough.. im so sorry you feel that regret. I just feel that regret is something I might be able to just accept because the thought of my parents finding out scares me more

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Anonymous

You're 20, any age is too young to say 'it's too late' but 20 is way too young to say that. I know that a lot of your peers would have probably finished year 2 by the time you're starting uni, but in the grand scheme of things, it really won't make a big difference, people change careers all the time, especially people in their 20s.
I personally wouldn't advise you to go along with medicine. It's one of the hardest degrees, you're gonna need to be passionate and motivated to get through it.
Also, as an adult you have to make your own decisions, you can't blame your parents if you realise down the line medicine was a mistake.
I feel for you. You sound like you're beating yourself up, you just need to realise that mistakes are a big part of life and back yourself. If I were in your position I'd figure out what I want in the future and start making a plan towards it, rather than letting others make your decisions for you. You'll feel way more motivated and happy.

thank you! you give such a comforting big siblings energy ahah

and I get you. I suppose im not blaming my parents, mores me because as you said I am an adult now and im only getting older and I have to find a way to just do what I want but i truly feel so trapped and frozen. I can't speak anything out loud if it isn't medicine or health care or university because if they find out I don't want to do it I don't know what they'll do and they're already so disappointed im just so lost

and that fear of making decisions now lol because I could have saved so much time and stress if I just suck it up and stop doing things cause of my stupid ego 😭

Reply 5

Mohammed_2000

Original post

by Anonymous

omg the computer science degree, it's just that holy grail of degrees ahhhh
the sibling thing is so real.. im a resit student and the moment I got my results (I only got A's this time) they told my siblings 'we want nothing less than A*'s from you' so that hurt lol
the thing is though about me I'd be too scared to apply to apprenticeships. im too scared to do anything because I've disappointed my parents enough.. im so sorry you feel that regret. I just feel that regret is something I might be able to just accept because the thought of my parents finding out scares me more

Finally someone able to relate like literally I feel like a failure myself like when my mum compares me to my aunt daughter (cousin) like sometimes I feel so it’s like what more do you want me to do I am literally trying everything, doing everything to get a job if no employer, company or hiring manager is willing to give me a chance what do you want me to do 🤯. How come you’re scared of applying for apprenticeships if you don’t mind me asking? No don’t be sorry I’m sorry we both are in our positions unfortunately. Don’t let your parents influence you in anyway or scare you in any sense at the end of the day it’s your choice, your career path follow what your mind and heart is directing you towards.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post

by Mohammed_2000

I think it's mainly because I've already applied to university for this academic year and I haven't done enough research.. and if I do get an apprenticeship I don't know what im supposed to say to my parents. I like the idea of it though, no student debt yay 😭 but I suppose it's just not an option I ever considered would be a real possibility for me 🙂

but so real especially with the employment thing but honestly you will find something I see it 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ go you!!!!

and it's easier said than done ahah (about the parents influence thing) but I will try as much as I can 😭

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Hi!
I am a similar age to you and I do relate to a lot of the hopelessness of not being at uni already, feeling like it's too late for my dream job and generally just having such a heavy weight of expectation from family to do what they think is better

First, I know it's a cliche to say "you're young, you haven't lived your life yet, you can do anything". I've had that said to me and it was a bit annoying frankly so I won't say it to you lol. But I will say this - at our age, transitioning from teenagers to adults is a difficult time. We're experiencing a lot of change and expected to have our lives already sorted out.

I personally had a bit of a breakdown after my Alevels. It felt like my life was over. I didn't really know who I was, I was an adult but treated like a child by my parents. I felt like because of my grades I couldn't do my dream job. Or my backup. I felt empty too. I was just focusing on the negatives, which was valid because tbh my life was going absolutely horrible at that point. And it's totally valid that you feel this way too! It's not silly. It's natural due to these hard circumstances. And tbh, although I now am finding ways to do my dream job, I do sometimes worry that I'm messing up.

I'm sorry. I'm bad at this. Basically, please don't do what you implied. If you need to talk, there's a thread on here called the Mental Support Society. I can link it if you like. Or you can pm me if you like (if so lmk so I can tell you my username)

Just some things to consider:

I know someone who's the owner of a law firm who went to uni later on in his 20s (it wasn't even a Russel Group Uni). He now has a successful law company. I'm not saying everybody could do what he did, but unlike some Olympic sport, there really isn't an age limit for law students. Idk what grades you got but if we're talking enough to apply for medicine somewhere, it will be enough to apply to a law course too.

Or there are apprenticeships you can do to get into law.

Please! I understand that it may feel like failure to be "late" to uni, but it's really not.

I'm not going to bash your parents more than necessary but even if they love you, they're not looking out for you. They're thinking of their own image, not your happiness. They're stuck in their ways and although I really understand it's hard, you need to learn to do what YOU want.

You're 20. It's not rebelling. You are an adult, able to make your own choices. I know it's really hard to do with parents breathing down your neck (I don't want to disappoint them either) but trust me - would you rather continue this way to appease them and end up so miserable that you end up kys? or would you rather make a few mistakes on the way/few disapproving words but actually have a chance to have a job you love?

You need to sit down and think about what will make you happy.
Again, I'm willing to talk 🙂

Reply 8

Mohammed_2000

Original post

by Anonymous

I think it's mainly because I've already applied to university for this academic year and I haven't done enough research.. and if I do get an apprenticeship I don't know what im supposed to say to my parents. I like the idea of it though, no student debt yay 😭 but I suppose it's just not an option I ever considered would be a real possibility for me 🙂
but so real especially with the employment thing but honestly you will find something I see it 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ go you!!!!
and it's easier said than done ahah (about the parents influence thing) but I will try as much as I can 😭

Just say that your preference is to learn and earn on the go whilst getting a recognised qualification. I don’t know, I have looked for a good few years now!