do i speak to my ex or just leave it??

okay so the situation is pretty complicated, long story short the reason why we broke up wasn't because we lost feelings and it wasn't because we had any problems, in fact we were practically best friends. he has been going through a lot and he was struggling so much to the point where he couldn't be very present in our relationship. he decided it was for the best because he knew it was affecting me and he didn't want to hurt me anymore. we decided to stay friends but since breaking up we haven't spoken at all. i understand why he wants space and why he probably doesn't want to speak to me but i genuinely cannot stop thinking about him and i still have feelings. i've been considering asking to speak to him, just to clear the air and get things off my chest. there's a lot i didn't end up saying to him when we broke up and it's been playing on my mind ever since. it's starting to take quite a toll on me and i feel really overwhelmed. i don't expect anything to come of this because i know it'll take him a while to get back to feeling okay and he might not even be interested in working things through. i just want to be clear on the situation as it's so complicated and i'm feeling kind of stuck with how to go about moving on. i see him everyday and were in the same kind of social circle so i'm finding it so hard to be around him. i just don't know if this is a good idea or not, i don't want to push him into anything and i've tried to give him space but i feel as though i deserve to have a bit of closure. what do u guys think?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

okay so the situation is pretty complicated, long story short the reason why we broke up wasn't because we lost feelings and it wasn't because we had any problems, in fact we were practically best friends. he has been going through a lot and he was struggling so much to the point where he couldn't be very present in our relationship. he decided it was for the best because he knew it was affecting me and he didn't want to hurt me anymore. we decided to stay friends but since breaking up we haven't spoken at all. i understand why he wants space and why he probably doesn't want to speak to me but i genuinely cannot stop thinking about him and i still have feelings. i've been considering asking to speak to him, just to clear the air and get things off my chest. there's a lot i didn't end up saying to him when we broke up and it's been playing on my mind ever since. it's starting to take quite a toll on me and i feel really overwhelmed. i don't expect anything to come of this because i know it'll take him a while to get back to feeling okay and he might not even be interested in working things through. i just want to be clear on the situation as it's so complicated and i'm feeling kind of stuck with how to go about moving on. i see him everyday and were in the same kind of social circle so i'm finding it so hard to be around him. i just don't know if this is a good idea or not, i don't want to push him into anything and i've tried to give him space but i feel as though i deserve to have a bit of closure. what do u guys think?

I think you should talk to him,maybe give him a present.

Reply 2

================

Original post

by Anonymous

okay so the situation is pretty complicated, long story short the reason why we broke up wasn't because we lost feelings and it wasn't because we had any problems, in fact we were practically best friends. he has been going through a lot and he was struggling so much to the point where he couldn't be very present in our relationship. he decided it was for the best because he knew it was affecting me and he didn't want to hurt me anymore. we decided to stay friends but since breaking up we haven't spoken at all. i understand why he wants space and why he probably doesn't want to speak to me but i genuinely cannot stop thinking about him and i still have feelings. i've been considering asking to speak to him, just to clear the air and get things off my chest. there's a lot i didn't end up saying to him when we broke up and it's been playing on my mind ever since. it's starting to take quite a toll on me and i feel really overwhelmed. i don't expect anything to come of this because i know it'll take him a while to get back to feeling okay and he might not even be interested in working things through. i just want to be clear on the situation as it's so complicated and i'm feeling kind of stuck with how to go about moving on. i see him everyday and were in the same kind of social circle so i'm finding it so hard to be around him. i just don't know if this is a good idea or not, i don't want to push him into anything and i've tried to give him space but i feel as though i deserve to have a bit of closure. what do u guys think?

I'm in a very similar situation with my ex atm and getting that extra bit of closure after the breakup has really helped so I'd definitely ask to talk to him.

Reply 3

Zarek

21

Well you can give it a try, but it does seems he’s better able to move on than you.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post

by ================

I'm in a very similar situation with my ex atm and getting that extra bit of closure after the breakup has really helped so I'd definitely ask to talk to him.

thank u, how did u go about it? i'm worried i'll make things worse

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

20

What exactly are you looking to get off your chest?
For your feelings of being overwhelmed, take 5000 steps upwards and look at your life from a zoomed out view, in terms of distance and time.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post

by Dunnig Kruger

What exactly are you looking to get off your chest?
For your feelings of being overwhelmed, take 5000 steps upwards and look at your life from a zoomed out view, in terms of distance and time.

i think mainly it's just me trying to understand why everything happened, the break up was so quick that we didn't get to properly speak about what was happening and i think that's whats holding me back from moving on, i have a lot of questions that are unanswered. i also just want to speak to him about what the future for us is looking like maybe? i also would like to know how he's doing mentally as i still care about him a lot.

Reply 7

Dunnig Kruger

20

Original post

by Anonymous

i think mainly it's just me trying to understand why everything happened, the break up was so quick that we didn't get to properly speak about what was happening and i think that's whats holding me back from moving on, i have a lot of questions that are unanswered. i also just want to speak to him about what the future for us is looking like maybe? i also would like to know how he's doing mentally as i still care about him a lot.

And how would you know if he was telling you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth if you were to have such a conversation with him?

He may just give you a diplomatic answer to avoid getting in to an argument with you.

The truth may be deeply insulting to you or to him or to both of you and may therefore be something he'd avoid vocalising.

He may not understand himself what happened and his decision to break up may have been based on his emotions and feelings more than any actual logic.

It appears - from what you've told us - that getting back romantically together again would be a big mistake.

Discussing his mental health and general feelings of wellbeing is something that if done, should be done in the right way. And he's under no obligation to discuss this with you and he may well feel that he'd rather keep his current highly personal mental health information to himself.

And most important of all, looking at things from his perspective, what would be in it for him to have this discussion with you? What would he gain from telling you what happened, in detail? And in answering your questions, And in speaking about the future for you and him? And in him divulging how he's doing mentally?
It seems that there's too much of a chance that such a conversation would be a loss for him.
If you can set it up that such a conversation would be a win for him, and a win for you, you should go ahead and try to have the conversation.
If there's a significant risk that the conversation would be a loss for either him or you or both of you (for example if it would painful for one or both of you, or too much chance of it becoming an argument), you should let sleeping dogs lie. And move forward confident in the knowledge that you did the right thing.

Reply 8

Kathy89

20

Talking is always good, no mater what the outcome is.

It is great to hear that you are staying friends.

Reply 9

================

Original post

by Anonymous

thank u, how did u go about it? i'm worried i'll make things worse

I just asked if she could talk because I was really struggling and she said yes because she still cared about me even if she didn't love me anymore. And it sounds like he does still care about you even tho you aren't together anymore so I'd say just asking "can we talk?" should be enough. But after you get that closure make sure you leave it at that, if you try push too much and keep talking to them you might hurt yourself more. I figured that out abt 30mins ago.

Reply 10

Goodlife Girl

2

Move on

Reply 11

Kathy89

20

I'm still very close friends with my ex. We both moved on and he now has a family and I have another partner but we are still good friends. There is nothing wrong with that.

Reply 12

LittleMissPidge

11

Original post

by Anonymous

okay so the situation is pretty complicated, long story short the reason why we broke up wasn't because we lost feelings and it wasn't because we had any problems, in fact we were practically best friends. he has been going through a lot and he was struggling so much to the point where he couldn't be very present in our relationship. he decided it was for the best because he knew it was affecting me and he didn't want to hurt me anymore. we decided to stay friends but since breaking up we haven't spoken at all. i understand why he wants space and why he probably doesn't want to speak to me but i genuinely cannot stop thinking about him and i still have feelings. i've been considering asking to speak to him, just to clear the air and get things off my chest. there's a lot i didn't end up saying to him when we broke up and it's been playing on my mind ever since. it's starting to take quite a toll on me and i feel really overwhelmed. i don't expect anything to come of this because i know it'll take him a while to get back to feeling okay and he might not even be interested in working things through. i just want to be clear on the situation as it's so complicated and i'm feeling kind of stuck with how to go about moving on. i see him everyday and were in the same kind of social circle so i'm finding it so hard to be around him. i just don't know if this is a good idea or not, i don't want to push him into anything and i've tried to give him space but i feel as though i deserve to have a bit of closure. what do u guys think?

I think that you should probably ask to meet up with him in a public space so he doesn't feel cornered. Then maybe make small talk and approach him gently with what you want to say?🙂

do i speak to my ex or just leave it??

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