sick of having no one so help me with ideas
I did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
Original post
by AnonymousI did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I'm sorry to hear this, but it truly is a matter of keep on trying. Like I met "my crowd" in year one at a student society but it took me half of the academic year to find them! Also, you know, you say you get the feeling that no one wants you there - I'm going to assume this is patently untrue and it's just your anxiety making you think that! So you have to go and try to engage with people.
However, you want some concrete tips? I understand that the sports societies are particularly sociable affairs, but I wouldn't know for sure, never having gone to one. An active cinema society that likes to watch movies and go somewhere afterwards to discuss it is also a good, sociable vibe, as well as the book club/English society. Also I don't know if you drink, but if you do, societies that like to do pub socials (the political ones and the debate society for sure, possibly many more) are also amazing, because they tend to be friendly and alcohol in moderation tends to loosen things up a bit.
Another thing: go to your lectures and try to talk to some people. Or just find something you want to do (cinema, a show, museum, shopping - anything you can think of) and invite someone you have a good feeling about to it. I more or less built up the friendships in my degree by finding a free activity to do after one of our lectures every week and inviting the people I liked to them in year one.
Maybe more people will post their tips. I hope you found mine helpful or maybe they inspired some ideas, but I still cannot stress that building friendships takes time and it doesn't happen overnight. So patience and perseverance are key. Anyways, good luck!
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousI did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
Hey @Anonymous, thank you for your post. And I totally get not wanting to hear the generic, "you will meet your crowd." Because it seems like no matter what, you are still not meeting your crowd. Before I get into what you could possibly do, I do want to say however, that sometimes it really is the case though, you just have not found your crowd. I know some people who made their best friends in third year, so do not feel like you are the problem. Sometimes, we just come across people we do not immediately click with and that is absolutely okay.
Now with that being said, as per your request, some of my lengthiest conversations have occurred having debates about music, shows or even celebrity drama. It all starts with you bringing up something and seeing if they know what you are talking about and just creating that flow.
I also always suggest random conversation prompts like, 'What's your comfort show or film?', 'What's one thing you could talk about for ages?', 'What song have you overplayed recently?'. All these usually lead to some of the silliest or best conversations.
With this, remember, you do not need to change who you are - you just need conversation entry points. A lot of people are also shy, anxious or reserved and still make friends because they use shared topics. It is just that, there is no specific timeline that you should anticipate because that ends up causing more anxiety.
You are not unlikeable, you just have not found the bridge into deeper conversations yet. I really hope this was helpful, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
Ru
BCU student rep.
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousI did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
Hi there,
I know this might not feel very helpful, but you really will meet people in time so just keep trying. It sounds like you are doing a good job so far of trying to chat to people, and you have joined two societies which is great and you might meet some people this way at some point!
I think that the best thing to do is just keep trying. It's good to have a few different conversation starters that you can have for people that you meet - so if you want to talk about things like tv etc you could say 'what have you been watching recently as I need a new show to watch". I've been enjoying the celebrity traitors at the moment and I feel like a lot of people are too so this might be a good one.
You could also have a look on social media as there are often groups where you can meet people and make some friends on here. There are usually groups on Facebook where you can meet people on your course, and just your uni in general and it can be less daunting to talk to people on social media so this might be a better way of meeting some new people!
I also agree with what has been said here - you do not need to change who you are or your appearance at all in order to meet people and make friends. True friends will like you for the way you are so remember that you are good enough and you do not need to change for anyone.
I hope some of this helps and things improve for you soon.
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
Hey,
This is a tough, honest post, and it's understandable why you're sick of the cliche advice. It takes immense courage to keep putting yourself out there, especially when you feel like an alien. Please know your feelings are valid.
I went through a foundation year, too, and I completely relate to that feeling of loneliness stretching out. It took me a long time to find my friends, too (not until the end of first year, honestly😅).
Conversation Starters That Click
The goal is to find shared interests that allow your personality to shine, even when you're feeling shy.
•
Go Beyond Academics: Instead of just asking about the course, try this simple opener I learned: "So, what do you do outside of uni? Do you have any hobbies?"
•
Use Specific Pop Culture: I found that talking about specific, low-key interests worked better than major trends. For example, I connected with someone when we started talking about The Sims 4. We talked for ages about that game because we had a common interest!
•
Books and Series: You can't go wrong asking what people are reading or watching right now. Even if you don't know the book or show, you can ask, "What kind of genre do you normally go for?" This reveals a lot about their personality.
I know you've heard this a lot, but you will find your people; it just takes time. 😊
Rachel
(Third Year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI did a foundation year last year, on my first year on course and I haven't clicked with anyone. I do talk to people but theres no one I really like hanging out with or anyone that I've clicked with.
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
I've been told that I am a nice person so I hope its nothing to do with my personality. I'm trying to work on my looks and I don't think i'm bad looking. I think a big part of it is tha i'm shy and whenever i'm stressed or anxious, I tend to just go mute. I have joined 2 societies and I'm planning to join more but no matter what I do, I always feel like an alien and I get the feeling that no one wants me here.
And I do have a personaltiy but unfortuneately I do think I need to change myself to make friends. I don't want to hear anything about 'oh you'll find your people' because that isn't true and I would appreiciate it if people actually helped me instead of lying and giving me false hope. I really thought I would find friends with common interests but sadly that doesn't apply to everyone. And hey, maybe I'll make friends in second year but I don't want to be alone for another year in a row. That really impacted my mental health and I hope not to go through what I did.
So please comment down below things that you think are popular like movies, shows, music, animals, trends etc - anything you think that could turn into a big conversation. Not even popular things, maybe even conversations you like having or things you like yourself.
Thank you!
My advice would be to try out joining a board games club. Most unis seem to have them. It has helped many shy people I know, because there is no pressure to talk / have topics of discussion, because the focus is the game. From there you may find that you relax and naturally make friends who you then see in other contexts. Even if you think 'but I don't like games', I would give it a go. Nothing to lose!
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