need advice on life and mental health :(

hi everyone! i thought this would be the right place for me to write this as i’m literally lost in life. i’m a 20 year old gap year student and this academic year, i was planning to go university to pursue politics and international relations but i didn’t end up applying because i can’t afford it. i understand there's student finance but taking a student loan conflicts with my religion due to the interest on it. it was my dream since childhood to go university, pursue what i love, get a high paying job and retire my parents but none of that worked out. during the beginning of my gap year, i took a part-time temp retail job but ended up leaving after a few months as it took a toll on my physical and mental health. i’ve also applied to 100+ apprenticeships since leaving sixth form as my original plan was to get into one, i planned months and months before to ensure everything was perfect and that i was prepared beforehand but i ended up failing and heard no responses that i eventually gave up after a year. now that i’ve recovered from my health issues, i’ve been applying to jobs non-stop in general just to find no responses. i’ve been at home for the past year, hoping to find a new job but all i feel like is that i’ve done nothing and i find it embarrassing how everyone around me is doing something with their life whether it's a job, an apprenticeship, a degree or whatever.. then there’s me! the reason why i’m also always at home is also because i literally have no friends.. i’ve tried to make new friends, go out more, get a new hobby, practise self love but honestly guys it doesn’t change how i feel not to mention i was also bullied as a child so i developed social anxiety (which i’ve now gotten over) so it was hard for me to even like both my childhood and teenagehood. they’re both experiences that i reflect on all the time and have regrets about. regarding friends, i had fake friends back to back in the past whether it was at school, sixth form, work, online or whatever. all of them didn’t work out because everyone around me was fake. i just learnt to accept that maybe i am the problem hence why everyone keeps leaving. now i’m stuck in the same cycle everyday and i don’t know what to do with my life anymore. since i’m home 24/7, it seems like the only way out of all this mess is marriage. i just know the responses are gonna violate me and honestly i feel so embarrassed that i’m having to post this to get advice. :/