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Anyone else parents just completely controlling when it comes to schoolwork?

I’m honestly so fed up with it. Every year it’s the same thing—constant fights and arguments about my schoolwork. I’m always being told I’m doing “no work” or that the notes I have aren't enough. I proved them wrong for my GCSEs, and I thought they’d finally see I know what I’m doing. But then they went right back to shouting at me when I did badly on my AS-level mocks (I never do well in mocks). I got yelled at and told I’m going to fail everything. Yet, when results came out, I again did pretty well. I thought that would be the end of it—that they’d finally see I’m putting in the effort. We had our mocks just there which contribute to predicted grades and I did quite well as I am sitting on two As and the third grade hasn't been revealed yet. I thought everything was okay, but then a teacher called home saying I had a 3 day overdue assignment, and suddenly they flipped out. My parents told my teachers I’m not doing any work at home, which isn’t true at all. Now, all my teachers are having talks with me, talking to one another about me and telling me to “pull my socks up.” I’m just so frustrated because there are lots of other students who struggle way more, need more help, and have terrible predicted grades, yet I keep getting shouted at like I’m not trying. It's like I put all this hard work in and achieve good grades yet when one bad thing happens my parents completely switch up on me. I am curious to see if anyone else is in the same boat as me as it’s exhausting.

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
I’m honestly so fed up with it. Every year it’s the same thing—constant fights and arguments about my schoolwork. I’m always being told I’m doing “no work” or that the notes I have aren't enough. I proved them wrong for my GCSEs, and I thought they’d finally see I know what I’m doing. But then they went right back to shouting at me when I did badly on my AS-level mocks (I never do well in mocks). I got yelled at and told I’m going to fail everything. Yet, when results came out, I again did pretty well. I thought that would be the end of it—that they’d finally see I’m putting in the effort. We had our mocks just there which contribute to predicted grades and I did quite well as I am sitting on two As and the third grade hasn't been revealed yet. I thought everything was okay, but then a teacher called home saying I had a 3 day overdue assignment, and suddenly they flipped out. My parents told my teachers I’m not doing any work at home, which isn’t true at all. Now, all my teachers are having talks with me, talking to one another about me and telling me to “pull my socks up.” I’m just so frustrated because there are lots of other students who struggle way more, need more help, and have terrible predicted grades, yet I keep getting shouted at like I’m not trying. It's like I put all this hard work in and achieve good grades yet when one bad thing happens my parents completely switch up on me. I am curious to see if anyone else is in the same boat as me as it’s exhausting.
I totally get why that’s frustrating.
Your parents and teachers are focusing on the negatives rather than the bigger picture, and what's worse, the real gut-punch is how they target you, who by comparison is doing reasonably well compared to others!

I've had similar problems, e.g I could arrive on time for an entire year, arrive late one lesson with an email explaining why, and still be grilled in the hall for 10minutes, how repeated behaviour such as this will cause me to fail (despite having no previous precedents), while other students who are consistently late, get away with it, since it's just expected they're late.
Unfortunately, these thing's do stick around in an ugly spot of your mind, until you can get a practical solution to solving the root cause.


One thing that might help, which I did, is keeping a record of your work and achievements, like a simple tracker of assignments completed, mock scores, and revision hours. Then, if there’s ever a dispute, you can show them the evidence of your effort.
Another approach is to communicate proactively with your teachers and parents. For example, if an assignment is late for a reason, let them know ahead of time, or update them on progress regularly. That way, they can’t assume you’re not doing work, when my parents would get on my nerves egging me on about homework, I would just rant to them about the work, until they were sick of hearing about it.

Adding onto that last point,
it might help to set up a small weekly check-in with your parents just 10–15 minutes to go over what you’ve done that week or what you plan to do next week, explain it to the point they get bored, treat them like a diary per say 😅. It could reduce the constant shouting by giving them a more accurate picture of your effort.

Finally, try to keep perspective on mocks and one-off issues, they matter, but they’re only part of the picture. Your predicted grades and actual results show you are putting in the work and achieving well. If you focus on tracking and communicating, you’ll have some control over how your effort is seen.
It may also be worth contacting your academic journey advisor/individual who kind of looks after your academic journey in your sixth form or equivalent.
Run-over your problems & solution with them, see if they can do anything in regards to the unfair pressure your teachers put on you

Doing these 3 things helped me a lot, and I still do them to this day when the situation calls for it!

Best of luck,
Alfred,
Ulaw.
(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 2

Keep calm and carry on.

This time next year you'll be living in student Halls away from home.
And you won't have to listen to your parent's overly negative nonsense.

Reply 3

Original post
by Anonymous
I’m honestly so fed up with it. Every year it’s the same thing—constant fights and arguments about my schoolwork. I’m always being told I’m doing “no work” or that the notes I have aren't enough. I proved them wrong for my GCSEs, and I thought they’d finally see I know what I’m doing. But then they went right back to shouting at me when I did badly on my AS-level mocks (I never do well in mocks). I got yelled at and told I’m going to fail everything. Yet, when results came out, I again did pretty well. I thought that would be the end of it—that they’d finally see I’m putting in the effort. We had our mocks just there which contribute to predicted grades and I did quite well as I am sitting on two As and the third grade hasn't been revealed yet. I thought everything was okay, but then a teacher called home saying I had a 3 day overdue assignment, and suddenly they flipped out. My parents told my teachers I’m not doing any work at home, which isn’t true at all. Now, all my teachers are having talks with me, talking to one another about me and telling me to “pull my socks up.” I’m just so frustrated because there are lots of other students who struggle way more, need more help, and have terrible predicted grades, yet I keep getting shouted at like I’m not trying. It's like I put all this hard work in and achieve good grades yet when one bad thing happens my parents completely switch up on me. I am curious to see if anyone else is in the same boat as me as it’s exhausting.
Let me guess - first generation immigrant parents?

A lot of your story seems a bit off- if you are scoring highly, then why would your teachers be on your case and doing the "pull your socks up" thing? That makes no sense.

My suggestion would be to deal with the teachers first. You're a sixth former, a semi-adult. Have a serious conversation with them and ask them if they believe (on the basis of your results) that you actually are doing "no work" at home. Tell them that you are and that your home environment is very academically pressured. That should be enough to keep them off your back.

On the parents - its an impossible conundrum as this is neither the time nor place to fight them over this. If they aren't reasonable people, then you're just going to have to deal with it. My question would be - do they speak from authority? Are you parents High Court Judges / Cardiothoracic Surgeons / Concert Pianists / Astronauts? Or do they run a fish and chip shop? If they run a fish and chip shop (or similar) its likely that they have a face time culture and equate work product to time spent on the coalface. This isn't necessarily a bad thing (esp in this day and age), but it isn't really helping you. They might have an idea that all academia is essentially Kumon. If you keep at it over and over, eventually it will work.

On the other hand, what are your objectives, and do they align? If you're looking at Cambridge, then I'm afraid they might have a point. Sitting under a tree reading Diogenes whilst your friends wave at you from a punt isn't super realistic. For an undergrad it will be a slog with supervisions. If you're looking at something like Engineering, you're going to be in labs until the late hours.

Any which way, unless you're all in on a nuclear option (which won't benefit you), there's no point fighting with them. There's no point trying to make a deal with them as its already Y13. I would also advise against trying to reason with them as it will only make things worse. Just deal with it and plan accordingly. There's no win for you in proving them wrong.

Reply 4

Original post
by Trinculo
Let me guess - first generation immigrant parents?
A lot of your story seems a bit off- if you are scoring highly, then why would your teachers be on your case and doing the "pull your socks up" thing? That makes no sense.
My suggestion would be to deal with the teachers first. You're a sixth former, a semi-adult. Have a serious conversation with them and ask them if they believe (on the basis of your results) that you actually are doing "no work" at home. Tell them that you are and that your home environment is very academically pressured. That should be enough to keep them off your back.
On the parents - its an impossible conundrum as this is neither the time nor place to fight them over this. If they aren't reasonable people, then you're just going to have to deal with it. My question would be - do they speak from authority? Are you parents High Court Judges / Cardiothoracic Surgeons / Concert Pianists / Astronauts? Or do they run a fish and chip shop? If they run a fish and chip shop (or similar) its likely that they have a face time culture and equate work product to time spent on the coalface. This isn't necessarily a bad thing (esp in this day and age), but it isn't really helping you. They might have an idea that all academia is essentially Kumon. If you keep at it over and over, eventually it will work.
On the other hand, what are your objectives, and do they align? If you're looking at Cambridge, then I'm afraid they might have a point. Sitting under a tree reading Diogenes whilst your friends wave at you from a punt isn't super realistic. For an undergrad it will be a slog with supervisions. If you're looking at something like Engineering, you're going to be in labs until the late hours.
Any which way, unless you're all in on a nuclear option (which won't benefit you), there's no point fighting with them. There's no point trying to make a deal with them as its already Y13. I would also advise against trying to reason with them as it will only make things worse. Just deal with it and plan accordingly. There's no win for you in proving them wrong.

Haha my parents aren't first generation immigrants however I can see how it seems that way! This is part of the reason I am so annoyed as my teachers seem to be completely forgetting my grades and the work I've handed in over the past two months and are simply going off what my parents told them. It's almost some sort of subjective judgement. The funny thing is that if I had done poorly in my predicted grade assessments but my teacher had called home to tell them how hard I am working, they would still be extremely angry! I also don't want to go to a fancy university but one local to me. I think I will take your advice and now start to tell them the academic pressures that are placed on me if god forbid I am pulled out for another conversation. I guess the main thing that frustrates me is the fact that no matter what grades I have achieved, if one thing goes wrong it's just not good enough anymore and I'm sick of dealing with it.

Reply 5

Original post
by Dunnig Kruger
Keep calm and carry on.
This time next year you'll be living in student Halls away from home.
And you won't have to listen to your parent's overly negative nonsense.

ha this has been my mantra this week

Reply 6

Original post
by UniofLawstudent2
I totally get why that’s frustrating.
Your parents and teachers are focusing on the negatives rather than the bigger picture, and what's worse, the real gut-punch is how they target you, who by comparison is doing reasonably well compared to others!
I've had similar problems, e.g I could arrive on time for an entire year, arrive late one lesson with an email explaining why, and still be grilled in the hall for 10minutes, how repeated behaviour such as this will cause me to fail (despite having no previous precedents), while other students who are consistently late, get away with it, since it's just expected they're late.
Unfortunately, these thing's do stick around in an ugly spot of your mind, until you can get a practical solution to solving the root cause.
One thing that might help, which I did, is keeping a record of your work and achievements, like a simple tracker of assignments completed, mock scores, and revision hours. Then, if there’s ever a dispute, you can show them the evidence of your effort.
Another approach is to communicate proactively with your teachers and parents. For example, if an assignment is late for a reason, let them know ahead of time, or update them on progress regularly. That way, they can’t assume you’re not doing work, when my parents would get on my nerves egging me on about homework, I would just rant to them about the work, until they were sick of hearing about it.
Adding onto that last point,
it might help to set up a small weekly check-in with your parents just 10–15 minutes to go over what you’ve done that week or what you plan to do next week, explain it to the point they get bored, treat them like a diary per say 😅. It could reduce the constant shouting by giving them a more accurate picture of your effort.
Finally, try to keep perspective on mocks and one-off issues, they matter, but they’re only part of the picture. Your predicted grades and actual results show you are putting in the work and achieving well. If you focus on tracking and communicating, you’ll have some control over how your effort is seen.
It may also be worth contacting your academic journey advisor/individual who kind of looks after your academic journey in your sixth form or equivalent.
Run-over your problems & solution with them, see if they can do anything in regards to the unfair pressure your teachers put on you
Doing these 3 things helped me a lot, and I still do them to this day when the situation calls for it!
Best of luck,
Alfred,
Ulaw.

It's comforting to know there are others who have had the same problems I am having! I think updating them on what homework has been completed and revision that has been put in is a really good idea and I plan to start doing that! Unfortunately I don't think there's anyone to contact and let them know about my problems so I guess for now I will just have to suck it up. Thank you for the advice!

Reply 7

Do NOT go to a local university!

Go to a distant one. So that you have to move out from the parental home.
Your life will be a living hell if you live at home during your university years.
It can be a living heaven if you move away from home for your degree.

Reply 8

Original post
by Anonymous
Haha my parents aren't first generation immigrants however I can see how it seems that way! This is part of the reason I am so annoyed as my teachers seem to be completely forgetting my grades and the work I've handed in over the past two months and are simply going off what my parents told them. It's almost some sort of subjective judgement. The funny thing is that if I had done poorly in my predicted grade assessments but my teacher had called home to tell them how hard I am working, they would still be extremely angry! I also don't want to go to a fancy university but one local to me. I think I will take your advice and now start to tell them the academic pressures that are placed on me if god forbid I am pulled out for another conversation. I guess the main thing that frustrates me is the fact that no matter what grades I have achieved, if one thing goes wrong it's just not good enough anymore and I'm sick of dealing with it.

This doesn't really make any sense to me- are you and your parents on the same page? Because the way you're describing things, I don't see an end to this, or what anyone here is trying to achieve.

Your parents sound like they just want to see you working, regardless of what the goal actually is. Your teachers don't seem to care what you're achieving so long as your parents are happy, and you seem to have relatively modest goals.

When you say "the local university" does that mean you will be moving out? If not - get ready, because its only going to get worse. Like I said, are your parents on board with what your goals are? Ultimately it's your life, but if they're not, then all that's going to happen is you're going to continue to get a hard time from them.

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