Friends at uni

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

I would say be more approachable and do small things like join conversations or give compliments to people or ask for help very easy ways to start conversations

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post

by Anonymous

I would say be more approachable and do small things like join conversations or give compliments to people or ask for help very easy ways to start conversations

I try and be approachable n I’m a bit of an overthinker so I’d feel like a massive beg if I tried butting in to someone else’s conversation or coming up with some ******** compliment to get their attention

Reply 3

UniLancashire

Official Rep

16

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

Hi there 👋

It’s completely normal to not have made many friends yet, you're still so early into your time at university! Moving to university is a really big change, and it often takes time to find your group of people.

Have you thought about joining a society? Most universities have hundreds of societies that cater to so many interests and hobbies. They're a really great way to get yourself out of your accommodation, meet new people and pick up a new hobby. There's no pressure surrounding them, everyone is there to make friends and have fun so don't worry about feeling judged or like you don't fit in! Have a look on your universities student's union page to see what clubs are on offer and go from there.

Try to talk to people in your lecturers, even regular small conversations can slowly turn into familiar faces, having people to sit with and eventually lasting friendships.

Focus on doing things you enjoy for the time being, make sure you're prioritising your mental health and allow friendships to develop naturally. Don't panic about not meeting anyone yet - most people only meet their best friends in second year once everyone has settled in!

Hope this helps and best of luck, ^Hannah 🙂

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 4

Manchester Met - Student Rep

Official Rep

16

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

Hey,
I am really sorry to hear you're going through this. Feeling lonely when surrounded by people who seem to have "clicked" is tough, and, understandably, you feel left out, especially with your flatmates.

Give yourself credit for trying!

It’s hard work putting yourself out there when it doesn't feel natural, and you shouldn't feel like an idiot for struggling with conversations; lots of people do!

Focus on Small, Low-Pressure Wins

The issue isn't your effort; it's that certain situations, like group projects or outings with flatmates, can be high-pressure for someone shy. To improve your conversation skills, we need to focus on low-stakes, simple interactions.

1. Use Proximity to Your Advantage (Lectures)

You mentioned sitting alone; this is the easiest thing to change! You don't need to start a deep conversation, just make a small connection:

•

Move Your Seat: Next time, try and make an effort to sit next to someone who is also alone, or next to a small group that seems friendly.

•

The Practical Opener: As you're packing up, turn to the person next to you and ask a quick, easy question: "Do you know where the readings for next week are posted?" or "Did anyone catch the due date for that first assessment?"

•

This is a practical, direct way to get an answer and open the door for a quick follow-up, like, "What are your other modules like?"

2. Change the Social Environment

It might be a good idea to give your flatmate some space, it can be draining and make you feel worse (I've been there and it wasn't good😅). You need to find people who share a specific, non-party interest:

•

Join a society: Look for societies that meet during the day/afternoon or a society related to your course. Shared activity creates easy conversation, so you don't have to start from scratch.

•

Hobbies: Once you've joined a society, ask a simple question that moves the chat outside of uni: "So, what do you do outside of uni? Do you have any hobbies?" This often leads to a genuine, natural conversation.

Your boyfriend is being supportive, but making friends takes time and the right opportunities. Focus on these small, practical steps first.

Hope this helps!😊

Rachel
(Third Year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism

Reply 5

hallamstudents

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

Hi there,

I know that this can be really tricky and I completely understand how you feel, so I just thought I would tell you some ways that I have made friends and met people while being at uni, in case any of these help you. It's also important to try and remember (although I know it can be tricky) that you still have so much time to meet people and make friends. Also remember that it's not you and you just haven't met your people yet so don't worry.

•

Firstly, one way that is great for making friends is joining societies. These are great as you can do something that you enjoy while meeting some new people too! I would have a look on the SU website as they often show what societies they have and this way you can see if there are any you like the sound of and either see if you can join now, or have another look in January as often there are lots of trial sessions and new starters then so this could be a good idea!

•

Also, seeing if your SU put any events on is a good idea too. Often they will do events where you can meet new people and also do something fun too, so it is worth having a look and seeing if your SU does anything similar as they are fun!

•

Looking on social media is a good idea too as there can often be groups on here where you can meet people on your course or in your accommodation that you might not have met yet so it is well worth looking! It can also sometimes be less daunting than talking to people face to face too.

•

You could also see if there are any local clubs that you can join. Often there are sports clubs nearby or even sometimes I know there are social groups like 'girls who run', or I've seen some 'girls who walk' if you don't like running! This is something completely separate from uni so you might end up meeting some nice people here who you wouldn't meet at uni!

I hope some of this helps and things get better for you soon.

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 6

Kingston Zhi En

Official Rep

10

Original post

by Anonymous

I’m over a month into my first year and I’ve made no friends. I’m quite shy and struggle to keep conversations going so that might be why but I barley talk to anyone and always sit alone at lectures and in group projects just sit there like an idiot. I went out with my flatmates a few time at the beginning of the year but they’ve all made their own friends now and have become really close with one another and I feel left out like I don’t fit in with them. Luckily I’m only an hour away from home so can go if needed and my boyfriend lives nearby so he’s able to keep me company but I still get super lonely. He keeps telling me I’m not putting myself out there or trying hard enough but even when I do try I don’t get anywhere

Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles to adjusting to uni life.
Just to add on to everyone's amazing advice, it really does take time for genuine friendships to grow 🤗
Are there any sports, hobbies or crafts you are interested in? Joining a society is a great way in creating a weekly social routine with the same group of people with similar passions 🙂

If a society is not for you, throughout the year the student union and some faculties organise one off events (eg. Fundraisers, film screenings...)you can join ☺️ It is a great way to meet new people outside of your course.
Even if things don't seem to click at first, consistency is key when making friends. Why not try ask one of your class mates out for lunch, or a study session?

All the best!

Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)

Friends at uni

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