This guy in uni halls keeps pestering me for sex
I became friends with this guy at uni and he lives on the same uni halls corridor as me. After a while he started texting and pestering me wanting sex just because I had drunkenly slept with someone else, he tries buying me drinks, I rejected him and he started sending abusive texts and said no one ever wants him because he is nice, any advice?
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Reply 1
21
Get one of your friends to tell him that it’s not on, he’s got one chance to cut it out, otherwise his behaviour will be reported
Reply 2
This is criminal behaviour from him.
There's certain patterns that stalkers appear to fall into:
Do whatever it takes to get him to stop whilst preserving your safety. With your safety including being put under stress by his evil behaviour.
You could go a few steps further than what Zarek suggested. In you telling all your friends and all his friends what he's been doing. With you asking them for support in getting him to cut it out and sort his head out.
Or you could go straight ahead and report it to the university authorities.
Or there's the police (with fingers crossed that they're a lot better in dealing with it than in that Channel 4 documentary).
There's dark ironic humour in him saying that he's a nice guy in and amongst him being really horrible to you.
There's certain patterns that stalkers appear to fall into:
Do whatever it takes to get him to stop whilst preserving your safety. With your safety including being put under stress by his evil behaviour.
You could go a few steps further than what Zarek suggested. In you telling all your friends and all his friends what he's been doing. With you asking them for support in getting him to cut it out and sort his head out.
Or you could go straight ahead and report it to the university authorities.
Or there's the police (with fingers crossed that they're a lot better in dealing with it than in that Channel 4 documentary).
There's dark ironic humour in him saying that he's a nice guy in and amongst him being really horrible to you.
Reply 3
I think I would go straight to reporting that, pretty alarming. Yeah he could just be immature and bitter but I couldn't ignore the risk that he escalates the behaviour further potentially placing you in danger.
Reply 4
Report him for harassment. Whatever you do don’t guilt trip yourself into falling into his trap.
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI became friends with this guy at uni and he lives on the same uni halls corridor as me. After a while he started texting and pestering me wanting sex just because I had drunkenly slept with someone else, he tries buying me drinks, I rejected him and he started sending abusive texts and said no one ever wants him because he is nice, any advice?
Some suggestions:
•
Report him to the uni authorities
•
Get a boyfriend and tell him. Your bf will warn him to back off, if he continues act like a d head.
•
Report to the police.
•
Dont get drunk near him since he may take advantage
Please be safe and protect yourself.
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousI became friends with this guy at uni and he lives on the same uni halls corridor as me. After a while he started texting and pestering me wanting sex just because I had drunkenly slept with someone else, he tries buying me drinks, I rejected him and he started sending abusive texts and said no one ever wants him because he is nice, any advice?
Agree with the other posts.
It's your body and your choice (and no one else's) what you do and with whom. Just because "you're out to play" doesn't mean "out to play with anyone and everyone".
Original post
by ZarekGet one of your friends to tell him that it’s not on, he’s got one chance to cut it out, otherwise his behaviour will be reported
This (PRSOM BTW).
Assuming you've got a good relationship with the other guys in your hall, I would get one of the guys (ideally the biggest or who commands the most authority), to firmly tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if he continues (sometimes, this can be enough). Also, although they may be upsetting to see, keep a record of all the texts, communications etc. he's sent you to act as evidence, if you choose to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. It may be worth making other people aware of his behaviour (if they don't already know) so they can act as witnesses. If tyou think there's CCTV of him hassling you, see if you can get hold of it.
Original post
by StriderHortI think I would go straight to reporting that, pretty alarming. Yeah he could just be immature and bitter but I couldn't ignore the risk that he escalates the behaviour further potentially placing you in danger.
Even if he is just being "immature and bitter", the fact that a formal complaint has been made against him, and the risk of a criminal investigation, or getting kicked out of Uni / halls (depending on whom he's reported to). could be the wake up call he needs to realise his behaviour is completely unacceptable.
Spoiler
Assuming there's no other information not being shared here then I'd agree - just respond saying "if you contact me in this way about having sex or sexual relations in any way again, I will report this as sexual harassment to the university and if needed escalate to the police".
That sends a clear and unambiguous message that you do not welcome the approaches, that you expect them to stop, and clearly signposts what will happen if he doesn't stop. If it's due to some kind of immaturity or misunderstanding of signals or whatever on his part, this will make it crystal clear and he will realise he needs to change his behaviour. And if he doesn't then as above, clearly it's more than that and something which needs to be raised.
This also avoids the potential for you to report him and him to go "oh well it wasn't clear OP wasn't interested/I misinterpreted it/etc" to try and avoid responsibility if he continues and you do report him, as it makes it absolutely clear in a way that cannot be misinterpreted what your position on it is. This is the bit as to why it's somewhat important to send that clear unambiguous message before reporting, to ensure that you have complete justification in any further escalation of reporting to the uni or police should it continue. It avoids any "he said/she said" issues which might (wrongly or not) muddy the waters later on.
Also as above it may simply be enough for him to correct his behaviour in the first place by recognising that actually he might be getting himself in hot water if continues treating other people in this way (and correcting the behaviour is ultimately the best outcome for both yourself and others).
That sends a clear and unambiguous message that you do not welcome the approaches, that you expect them to stop, and clearly signposts what will happen if he doesn't stop. If it's due to some kind of immaturity or misunderstanding of signals or whatever on his part, this will make it crystal clear and he will realise he needs to change his behaviour. And if he doesn't then as above, clearly it's more than that and something which needs to be raised.
This also avoids the potential for you to report him and him to go "oh well it wasn't clear OP wasn't interested/I misinterpreted it/etc" to try and avoid responsibility if he continues and you do report him, as it makes it absolutely clear in a way that cannot be misinterpreted what your position on it is. This is the bit as to why it's somewhat important to send that clear unambiguous message before reporting, to ensure that you have complete justification in any further escalation of reporting to the uni or police should it continue. It avoids any "he said/she said" issues which might (wrongly or not) muddy the waters later on.
Also as above it may simply be enough for him to correct his behaviour in the first place by recognising that actually he might be getting himself in hot water if continues treating other people in this way (and correcting the behaviour is ultimately the best outcome for both yourself and others).
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 8
Original post
by Old Skool FreakAgree with the other posts.
It's your body and your choice (and no one else's) what you do and with whom. Just because "you're out to play" doesn't mean "out to play with anyone and everyone".
This (PRSOM BTW).
Assuming you've got a good relationship with the other guys in your hall, I would get one of the guys (ideally the biggest or who commands the most authority), to firmly tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if he continues (sometimes, this can be enough). Also, although they may be upsetting to see, keep a record of all the texts, communications etc. he's sent you to act as evidence, if you choose to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. It may be worth making other people aware of his behaviour (if they don't already know) so they can act as witnesses. If tyou think there's CCTV of him hassling you, see if you can get hold of it.
Even if he is just being "immature and bitter", the fact that a formal complaint has been made against him, and the risk of a criminal investigation, or getting kicked out of Uni / halls (depending on whom he's reported to). could be the wake up call he needs to realise his behaviour is completely unacceptable.
It's your body and your choice (and no one else's) what you do and with whom. Just because "you're out to play" doesn't mean "out to play with anyone and everyone".
This (PRSOM BTW).
Assuming you've got a good relationship with the other guys in your hall, I would get one of the guys (ideally the biggest or who commands the most authority), to firmly tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if he continues (sometimes, this can be enough). Also, although they may be upsetting to see, keep a record of all the texts, communications etc. he's sent you to act as evidence, if you choose to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. It may be worth making other people aware of his behaviour (if they don't already know) so they can act as witnesses. If tyou think there's CCTV of him hassling you, see if you can get hold of it.
Even if he is just being "immature and bitter", the fact that a formal complaint has been made against him, and the risk of a criminal investigation, or getting kicked out of Uni / halls (depending on whom he's reported to). could be the wake up call he needs to realise his behaviour is completely unacceptable.
Spoiler
Just to clarify, I'm also saying specifically that immaturity and bitterness isn't an excuse and am arguing for reporting it, you might have misread my post.
Reply 9
I have told a couple of my friends who agree he's a desperate creep and they said they will confront him with me the next time he does it, I think he will as he's been drinking all day with his sleezy mate
Reply 10
21
Original post
by Wired_1800Some suggestions:
Please be safe and protect yourself.
•
Report him to the uni authorities
•
Get a boyfriend and tell him. Your bf will warn him to back off, if he continues act like a d head.
•
Report to the police.
•
Dont get drunk near him since you have a history of giving box when drunk.
Please be safe and protect yourself.
It’s quite feasible to ‘give box’ as you delightfully put it to someone you want to with when drunk, and not to someone you don’t
Reply 11
Original post
by ZarekIt’s quite feasible to ‘give box’ as you delightfully put it to someone you want to with when drunk, and not to someone you don’t
I agree
Reply 12
Original post
by AnonymousI have told a couple of my friends who agree he's a desperate creep and they said they will confront him with me the next time he does it, I think he will as he's been drinking all day with his sleezy mate
I would suggest leaving it until he's sober; there's no point confronting him if he's drunk.
Also, if & when you confront him, it may be a good idea to record the meeting (if he's funny about being filmed, then you can still discretely do an audio recording). That way, if you do need to proceed with a formal complaint, then there's no excuse that he didn't know the effect his behaviour was having on you, and he can't deny that you tried to talk to him about it.
Ideally, do it in an area with CCTV, so there's also impartial evidence that you've spoken to him (and it will be time-stamped, which should correspond with your own recordings). And above all, remember to get the tone right... in these kind of situations, you need to be polite, but firm:- Firm enough to know that you're being serious and you're not playing games of any sort, but still polite enough so the situation doesn't escalate further. This goes for your friends as well... if they start making physical threats against him, then he may make a counter-complaint against them... which could also land them in trouble as well.
Due to the nature of the incidents (and that he lives in your block), I understand emotions and feelings may be running high (and yes, you've every right to feel angry, disgusted etc.).. but it's important that you (and your friends) keep your cool.
Original post
by StriderHortJust to clarify, I'm also saying specifically that immaturity and bitterness isn't an excuse and am arguing for reporting it, you might have misread my post.
I didn't doubt you for a second mate,
My disclosure was just to clarify where I stand on the matter (as should anyone who has a modicum of decency). And I think these days people need to be more accountable for their actions. Too many reckless or stupid actions these days are blamed on youth or naivety
Reply 13
Original post
by AnonymousI have told a couple of my friends who agree he's a desperate creep and they said they will confront him with me the next time he does it, I think he will as he's been drinking all day with his sleezy mate
Can you not ask the university to put you like in another university hall or accommodation just so that your then away from the guy.
Reply 14
I’d have to agree this is one to report, (in particular some unis also have specific contact points to report sexual harassment). He’s already crossed the line.
Reply 15
Original post
by Mohammed_2000Can you not ask the university to put you like in another university hall or accommodation just so that your then away from the guy.
The OP has done nothing wrong (and has probably bonded with some of the others there), so why should they be the one to move? Especially if they've specifically chosen that hall (for whatever reason).
Besides, this guy sounds like the sort of person who'll just find someone else to hassle (either inside or outside the hall accommodation). He needs to learn (one way or another) that his behaviour is not acceptable.
Reply 16
Original post
by Old Skool FreakThe OP has done nothing wrong (and has probably bonded with some of the others there), so why should they be the one to move? Especially if they've specifically chosen that hall (for whatever reason).
Besides, this guy sounds like the sort of person who'll just find someone else to hassle (either inside or outside the hall accommodation). He needs to learn (one way or another) that his behaviour is not acceptable.
Besides, this guy sounds like the sort of person who'll just find someone else to hassle (either inside or outside the hall accommodation). He needs to learn (one way or another) that his behaviour is not acceptable.
Why wouldn’t it make sense there’s a drunk guy that keeps insisting on wanting sex with the op relocating to another spot away from that particular individual is only in the best of interest and safety of the op. Your last point find someone else to hassle yeah that guy needs to fix up because that is so not on or right.
Reply 17
20
He's either immature and needs to grow up or really harassing you.
Anyway, it is a good idea to cut ties with him.
Anyway, it is a good idea to cut ties with him.
Reply 18
He’s immature and needs to stick to miss palm & her 5 sisters to get his satisfaction.
You’re doing everything you can correctly. Just live your life and best wishes and good luck at university… it goes quick so you need to focus on making find memories.
The annoying guy will move on & regret his actions (speaking from my own experience), all the very best & take good care.
You’re doing everything you can correctly. Just live your life and best wishes and good luck at university… it goes quick so you need to focus on making find memories.
The annoying guy will move on & regret his actions (speaking from my own experience), all the very best & take good care.
Reply 19
Original post
by Kathy89He's either immature and needs to grow up or really harassing you.
Anyway, it is a good idea to cut ties with him.
Anyway, it is a good idea to cut ties with him.
I deleted his number, but last night he tried kicking mine and another girls door down before several in the corridor confronted him and he went into hiding, the other girl was left frightened and won't come out her room today, I now fully intend to report him to uni. Honestly it seems like he thinks he is entitled to sleep with a girl.
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