Parents not letting me use trust fund on a car

Hi everyone,
I’d really appreciate some advice or outside opinions on this.

I’m 19 and currently on a gap year. I passed my driving test about three weeks ago and recently got a full-time job paying around £2,000 a month. I’ve been cycling 20 minutes each way to work because my mum works a lot and my dad doesn’t drive, so I’ve had to rely completely on myself for transport. Before I passed my test, my parents said I could use my trust fund to buy a car it has around £3,800 in it, which is perfect for a small used car.

Now that I’ve passed, they’ve suddenly changed their minds and are saying the trust fund “isn’t for me anymore.” They want to use both mine and my sister’s trust funds (together just under £10,000) to put towards a mortgage. At first, they tried to frame it as if it would “help us in the long run,” but after looking into it, I realised that’s not true. Neither my sister nor I can actually get a mortgage bcs we don’t earn enough, and I still live at home. They later admitted the property would be in their name, even though they already own four others.

They’ve also suggested using our money to build an extension on their house the same house my sister no longer lives in and that I’ll be moving out of next year for university. It’s becoming clear that they want to use our savings for themselves, not us.

It feels like this has turned into a form of control. Growing up, money was always used against me if I asked for pocket money or help with something small, they’d hold it over me later. And even now, they never drop me anywhere, not even if it’s 10 miles away, yet they’re stopping me from using my own money to get a car that would finally give me some independence.

On top of that, it’s going to be really hard to save up myself because I know as soon as they see I’m earning a decent wage, they’ll start charging me for rent, food, and maybe even bills. So I’ll never actually be able to save enough for a car on my own.

My dad keeps saying things like “a car isn’t a good investment,” but he doesn’t even drive, and I’m not buying it as an investment it’s a necessity. My mum even said if we use the money, she’ll “disown” us, though I doubt she actually would.

I know technically the money is in their control, but it’s just unfair. It was supposed to give me a head start, and now they’re using it to keep me dependent. I finally have a stable job and a full licence, and I’m trying to make sensible decisions for myself but they’re making it impossible.

I think it comes from a place of jealousy as my parents grew up in Nigeria and did not have such help and I’m grateful for how they’ve sacrificed and brought me up but I can’t help to think that they’re bitter that we didn’t have to struggle but they did. My dad keeps saying snarky comments like “you’ll be earning more than me now, I shouldn’t even ask you to give me money you should just do it” but that’s not true because he earns much more than me. And he keeps saying the same point a car is a lot to maintain but I’ll be earning 500£ a week which I feel is more than enough to maintain a car esp i have no bills, loans or financial stress

If trying to talk to them doesn’t work, I’m considering withdrawing the money myself but I really don’t want conflict. What would you do in my position?

Reply 1

artful_lounger

Universities Forum Helper

Assuming this is one of those government trust fund things, it should be in your name as I understand so they can't access it anyway.

In terms of your income is £2000 a month before or after tax? As one thing I would point out though is you say you aren't paying any bills and live at home. It's very different living off that with car payments/tax etc, once you factor in rent, bills, and so on. If it's before tax and you then go and start renting once you take that and all bills out there's a lot less money left over! If that's after tax the same principle applies although you'll have a bit more leeway.

Also I don't think it's unreasonable to be expected contribute to household costs if you're working full time and living at home (albeit that would be from your monthly income rather than the trust fund).

That said if you're moving out next year to go to uni I wouldn't suggest using your trust fund on a car anyway, as usually it's very difficult to bring a car to uni. Most student halls and student housing have no dedicated parking, there's often very limited off road parking in student rental areas in uni towns, and also universities normally do not provide/allow undergraduates to have parking permits to park on campus unless you have a disability or other accessibility requirement. So really a car is just a fairly useless liability once you are at uni.

I would save your trust fund money for now and not use it on anything. I'd also probably suggest discussing with your parents an agreed upon monthly contribution to costs from your monthly pay, which is less than paying to rent privately but represents some contribution to the running of the household you live in for free now (e.g. a couple hundred a month or so). This may help with some of the friction in the household you're currently experiencing, and may also make your parents be less focused on the trust funds as they have a bit more support from you while you're living there.

Reply 2

ageshallnot

...And it's only 20 minutes each way.

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

Buy a small, car that's a very low insurance group that' over 10 years old.
Get a petrol if you live in London, for the ULEZ.

You should be able to save enough to buy the car in the next 2 to 4 months.
Aim for something in reasonable condition for under £2000.
You'll probably be paying more than £2000 for the first year's insurance. You can pay that monthly.
Avoid black box insurance.
The car tax should be about £35 per year.
Aim to do your own servicing. You'll have initial costs for buying tools. Once you've got the tools, servicing will be much cheaper than taking it to a mechanic. You'll still be looking at MOT costs and costs for repairs that you don't fancy doing yourself.
Whatever car you buy, you'll probably be looking at new tyres for it. Get decent tyres. Kumho tend to do decent tyres for small cars from about £60 per corner.
You're looking at £1200+ per year in fuel costs, depending on how many miles you do, the car you get, whether you're driving round town or on motorways a lot.

Or alternatively, move out from the parental home. Somewhere close to where you work that's inexpensive, eg flat sharing with someone, would be ideal. From there, start saving for your first car.

And give yourself a huge pat on the back for getting your first full time job, that's paying reasonably well.
Look for ways to bump up your income from this starter job. Promotions within the company, moving to a different employer, getting in demand skills and experience that will pave the way to a better job, starting your own business...

Reply 4

Emma:-)

Entertainment Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

Original post

by artful_lounger

Assuming this is one of those government trust fund things, it should be in your name as I understand so they can't access it anyway.
In terms of your income is £2000 a month before or after tax? As one thing I would point out though is you say you aren't paying any bills and live at home. It's very different living off that with car payments/tax etc, once you factor in rent, bills, and so on. If it's before tax and you then go and start renting once you take that and all bills out there's a lot less money left over! If that's after tax the same principle applies although you'll have a bit more leeway.
Also I don't think it's unreasonable to be expected contribute to household costs if you're working full time and living at home (albeit that would be from your monthly income rather than the trust fund).
That said if you're moving out next year to go to uni I wouldn't suggest using your trust fund on a car anyway, as usually it's very difficult to bring a car to uni. Most student halls and student housing have no dedicated parking, there's often very limited off road parking in student rental areas in uni towns, and also universities normally do not provide/allow undergraduates to have parking permits to park on campus unless you have a disability or other accessibility requirement. So really a car is just a fairly useless liability once you are at uni.
I would save your trust fund money for now and not use it on anything. I'd also probably suggest discussing with your parents an agreed upon monthly contribution to costs from your monthly pay, which is less than paying to rent privately but represents some contribution to the running of the household you live in for free now (e.g. a couple hundred a month or so). This may help with some of the friction in the household you're currently experiencing, and may also make your parents be less focused on the trust funds as they have a bit more support from you while you're living there.