Is he telling the truth, cheating or just over me?

i’ll try to keep this as short as i can, apologies if i ramble too much though!

me and my boyfriend have been together for just under a year now and things have been good overall, there was a rocky start to our relationship that i won’t get into, but it had me wanting to get out basically before it even began, but he was persistent in keeping me around and pulled out all the stops to make me happy, which in the end worked and things have been better since then between us (side note- he wasn’t cheating on me)

anyway as of late he’s gone into a new job on taxis so he can choose his own hours and days he wants to work which at first was a lot better for him, he seemed happier and because i’m a nurse, it was easier for us to make plans around my shifts etc.

but things have changed lately, he’s sleeping A LOT (i mean like, 14+ hours a day) or so he says, he is working more nights, but that’s only because he’s sleeping through the whole day so has no other choice, because at first his plan was to work in the day Monday-Thursday and nights over the weekend as this would be his busier periods. but that seems to have gone out of the window and now it’s always nights. and as a nurse, i get it, nights take it out of you, but not so much that you sleep for over half the day, every day.

in the past 48 hours we’ve spoken over text for maybe an hour in total.
i’ve been super busy with a house move and some personal family things so if im not at the hospital visiting or working, im sorting through piles of stuff in my new house giving things a new place, so my replies have been few and far between i will admit, and he knows this is all happening, so understands why my replies are so stretched, or so short, but i’ll always reply no matter what.

anyway, today, we’ve hardly said a word to each other, he told me he woke up at 1pm, said “morning” (morning to him haha) and i said it back, he asked if i was okay, i said yeah, asked him the same, and after his reply i’ve had nothing. this is 12 hours ago. after he’d only just woken up.

usually if we’re not talking over text because i’m busy he will spam me with tik toks or reels, so i know he’s still awake, but today i’ve literally had nothing but that small text exchange. for the first couple of hours i thought he’d fell back asleep but would be awake in a matter of a couple hours, but it’s 1am now and still-nothing.

i sent him a snapchat and a few reels on instagram and he hasn’t seen any of them, so maybe he is still asleep.
but i just have this awful feeling that something else is going on, like there’s someone else, or he just doesn’t want me anymore even though before these last 2 days we were fine?
i just find it so hard to believe he’s sleeping this much.
as far as cheating goes- i don’t know if he is for sure, as there are no other “signs”, he’s a flirtatious, talkative guy but i trust him, at least i think i do, but people tend to surprise you i guess.
either that or he just isn’t into me anymore and he doesn’t know how to say it?

i mean he could genuinely be sleeping, but that just isn’t normal and i know if i tell him to go the doctors he’ll say no, he hates having to wait hours to be seen even though that’s just the way it is. and because i know that’s what he’ll say it’s making me think, do i really want to be with someone i can only speak to one hour out of the day? (if im lucky)

i’m just spiralling right now because i feel a little left in the dark, and i know i could message him but i feel like he should be messaging me to tell me where he’s been all day. so i’m putting it out to total strangers, who i know won’t know for sure and could only speculate (like me), what is going on??

EDIT-
he “woke up” at 3am and messaged me, i was still awake worrying over things and thinking the worst, when i told him this, that it’s weird he’s sleeping so much and i feel like he’s distancing himself and making up excuses when deep down it might just be that he’s over us or there’s someone else, he called me weird, didn’t really reassure me, and instead said “well it’s happened, and now i’m awake”
like i just don’t know what to do with that really, i went to him with concern, told him where my head was at and i just feel like he brushed it off, just said it is what it is and moved on. because now today he’s texting me like nothing happened, like i’m not still confused and feeling left in the dark, im not giving him the same energy i usually would and he just seems like he couldn’t care less.
he’s either angry that my mind is even going there instead of believing him when he says he’s sleeping all this time, or he doesn’t want to get into this conversation because i might be onto something.
either way, i feel dismissed after expressing concern, and him just saying well, it’s happened, get over it.

(edited 2 weeks ago)

Reply 1

Moosevelt

Hey there,

It must be rough and difficult for your boyfriend. It seems like he's going through a lot and is isolating himself to try and figure it out on his own. People often withdraw when they're facing problems that feel overwhelming, and I can attest to this from personal experience. My wife did exactly what you're thinking of doing she reached out instead of pulling away, and it made all the difference.
Please, if you can, don't leave your partner. Talk to him. But when you do, make sure you're also taking care of your own heart in the process.
Instead of just asking if he's okay, try creating a calm moment and use "I" statements. For example, "I've been feeling worried about you because we haven't connected much lately, and I miss you. I want to understand what's going on." This shows you're coming from a place of love, not accusation.
His response to this will tell you everything you need to know. If he opens up, you can be there for him. If he shuts you out, you'll have a clearer picture of what you're dealing with, and that clarity is important for you, too.

Take care, and I hope you both find you and your partner find your ways through this. I'll pray for all of you :smile:

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

If he's a proper London Taxi driver, has done The Knowledge and all that, he might be worth keeping.
Otherwise dump him. You can do better than a regional taxi driver.

And you can start with a clean slate with someone else.

It sounds like you're messaging your boyfriend too often.
Aim to increase your real world, face to face time with your boyfriends. More adventures and mini-adventures with them. And when you're not together, get on with your life. Work, chores, your social life outside of your boyfriend, your hobbies and interests.

The trouble with messaging boyfriends as often as you do is that you saturate him. It's like having a house flower that you keep watering every 30 minutes.
Love blossoms when you spend great times together and then have times apart during which he misses you and thinks about you.

It's impossible to know for sure what he's up to. If it's something you wouldn't like, he'd lie convincingly if you were to ask him.
Best way to judge him is how he treats you when you're together. If he treats you well, and as if you are the only love in his life, there's a pretty good chance he's been a good boy.

14 hours of sleeping is natural if you've slept 0 to 3 hours the previous day. If it's 14 hours every day, that doesn't sound right, unless he has a serious medical issue, such as, for example a large tumour in his brain.

And no he shouldn't be messaging you to tell you where he's been all day. And you shouldn't be asking him. If he wants to tell you, he'll tell you.
That amount of insecurity from you will decrease his attraction towards you.
Give him space. Allow him to get on with his life when he's not with you. Whilst you get with yours.