improvement in a levels

im in y12, i just got my first essay back (A-Level History), and I got 11/25, 44% (D). i'm extremely disappointed in my score, i do recognise that it's still just november and i have time to improve, but it really just affects my spirit when i see others with an A while i get a D. Any improvement tips? i think my main problem is essay structure, not giving enough examples (sometimes), and saying phrases like 'i think' and 'i believe', which my teacher did not like - i'm not sure why though as he did not expand on it in the little notes he wrote around my essay. help would be muchhhh appreciated. thanksss

im in y12, i just got my first essay back (A-Level History), and I got 11/25, 44% (D). i'm extremely disappointed in my score, i do recognise that it's still just november and i have time to improve, but it really just affects my spirit when i see others with an A while i get a D. Any improvement tips? i think my main problem is essay structure, not giving enough examples (sometimes), and saying phrases like 'i think' and 'i believe', which my teacher did not like - i'm not sure why though as he did not expand on it in the little notes he wrote around my essay. help would be muchhhh appreciated. thanksss

Hello! Please please don't be too disappointed with your mark - as you say you're only in the November of year 12 and its your first essay - you've got so much time to improve. I got 15/25 (C) in my first essay in yr12 and achieved an A* in history and am now studying it at uni. Yes in A-level history its generally preferred that you use the third person and don't say things like 'I think' etc. Are you doing AQA?

i've seen people go from an E at this time of year to being predicted an A in a year, so don't worry too much! phrases like "i think" and "i believe" are an easy fix, it's just that first person language can be seen as less academic, and you can make your argument clear without using them - if you say it, the examiner knows you've thought of it, and your sentence will probably still make sense without the first person language. structure improves over time and with practice - your first try will never be perfect. what exam board are you with and what are you studying? i'm with CCEA, in y13 and predicted an A*, so might be able to help.

Regarding "I think" and "I believe" your teacher needs to get a grip. If you were writing an EPQ or a university paper, fine. Some will find first person too informal. That said, if your teacher is giving you grief or marking you down for what is, effectively, a question of style, then he/she is doing you a disservice. For context, I am a teacher, and I have marked for Edexcel and CIE. At no point in my career have I ever marked a student down for this or even thought about it. In fact, I often encourage students who struggle with argumentation (i.e., driving a historical argument) to use the first person, as it can help them avoid being wishy-washy. When we're marking, style is the last thing we are thinking about. If you send me your paper, I'll take a look at it.
Dr McKerrow