lonely 3rd year
Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Reply 1
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Hi @bananasplit20,
I'm sorry you are feeling like this and please know you are right, you aren't alone in feeling like this. It's lovely to hear that you are having a great time abroad. Enjoy it as much as you can, don't let being lonely affect your time abroad as you have made great friends there. It seems as you are being positive about this and yes you have another year, you may have just not met your people yet! You will meet the right people at the right time.
Joining groups online is another way of making friends. There may be people online who also haven't connected or made friends yet who you may not have met at uni events or societies. Do you work along side studying? This really helped me to make friends whilst at university. It was easy to see them as we'd be on same shifts together and it made work that bit more enjoyable.
How are your class mates? Being a shy person when starting university, I just had to put myself out there and push myself outside my comfort zones. Working with class mates, inviting them for lunch or making conversation in communal areas. You never know who you might speak to, it could be someone feeling exactly like you. I would say don't feel discouraged about the society groups and still give them another ago. Who knows you may be able to create your own at some point if need be.
Do you have friends you could ft? I would call or ft my family and friends, which really helped me whilst I was feeling lonely and without friends. Don't forget to make the most of student support and other services your uni has to offer! Using communal spaces or attending events throughout the year could also help with meeting the right friends. I hope this helps even a little bit and you know you aren't the only one feeling lonely at university. You've got this! 🙂
Best wishes,
^Zac
Reply 2
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Hey,
I'm so sorry you had such a difficult second year. That sounds incredibly rough, and dealing with a toxic living situation while managing depression is exhausting. It takes real resilience to get through that, so please give yourself a lot of credit for pushing through.
It's completely normal to feel this anxiety about returning, but please know you are not the only one. Many students, even in their third or fourth year, go through periods of feeling disconnected.
The great news is that you are currently having a fantastic time and making new friends abroad! This proves you know how to make connections and have fun. You are returning in a much better headspace.
Action Plan
You still have a lot of time to find your people. Here's how to tackle the anxiety about returning next semester:
1.
Acknowledge the Reset: Don't view your third year as a continuation of the second. View it as a fresh start, a chance to rebuild your social life without the burden of those bad flatmate friendships.
2.
Societies: Forget the idea that it's too late. Societies always welcome new members in the second semester, especially after the busy Christmas period when some first-semester joiners drop out.
Focus on Interests: Re-join the societies you genuinely enjoyed in your first year or look for new ones (like hobbies, specific course interest groups, or language clubs.
3.
Conversation Starter: Your time abroad is a fantastic, non-awkward conversation starter. Instead of sitting quietly, open up with, "I just got back from my semester abroad and I'm totally out of the loop! What are the best events happening this term?"
4.
Maintain Foreign Friendships: Keep in close touch with the friends you made abroad. It will remind you that you are capable of forming healthy, positive friendships.
Rachel
(Third Year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism
Reply 3
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Hi there,
First off, thank you for the courage to be open about your situation. What you’re describing is far more common than you might think. Many students, including me, go through ups and downs socially in university, especially in second year when there is more pressure. This doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance to build meaningful connections though.
It’s good to hear that your semester abroad is a positive experience, it shows you’re capable of connecting with people in new environments. That’s an encouraging sign in itself for your return to university.
When you come back, you may find it helpful to:
1.
Reconnect gradually with societies/groups that interest you, they’re still welcoming students even if the semester already started.
2.
Try smaller, more interest based groups (maybe volunteering, or study groups, even language exchanges). It’s a bit easier meeting people 1 to 1 that way!
3.
Stay in touch with the friends you made abroad, even if it’s going to be virtually.
4.
If you’re still feeling anxious or a bit uneasy, try and reach out to the well being service your university offers. You’re not alone, and having someone to talk to can make the transition a bit easier.
You’re definitely not the only one feeling this way, and it seems like you’re headed in the right direction, as you’ve reflected and processed what happened, and chose to try move forward. You’ve got a whole year ahead of you, and plenty of time to build a more positive experience.
You’ve shown resilience already, which will help you rebuild your community when you return. You’ve got this, good luck!
Sabina
Reply 4
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Get used to this feeling because this is how it will be once you leave the uni bubble! Not saying it to be patronizing just that it is 'normal' and you have to be proactive about what social stuff you do.
I am saying this as someone who did not practice what they preach for years. I was self-employed working online which made it all the more acute without having any kind of safety net of work colleagues or the like.
I can tell you though that during 2021 I started volunteering and it is one of the best things I ever did to turbo charge my social life. I regret so much not doing it years ago.
Going somewhere where you are not just going to get paid but doing it of your own time, which others are too, is such a different vibe and so conducive to sociability because there is the underlying thing that you are not getting paid so the organizers appreciate you and don't want to be mean to you or have anything they are holding over your head like a 'boss' would and you have space to just chat with hopefully like minded people.
So I would highly encourage you try that.
What happened for me is it was so organic that social groups just formed without even trying and was getting invited to different stuff. This is much better than the corny meetup website that I tried and only met shallow and annoying people that I was itching to get away from. Maybe there were some good groups on there but that was my general experience. Volunteering should attract people with stronger moral fibre.
Reply 5
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Hi there,
I felt something similar when I came back from my placement year. Most of my friends had already graduated, and I did not have anyone who I knew except for 2 people who went on a placement year as well. My advice would be to not be scared, and join the societies even if they have already started up. You would be surprised how many people are approachable and willing to add you to their friend groups. Student societies are usually full of great and active students who are always looking to make new friends.
Good luck,
I hope you will meet a lot of new friends,
Ilya,
Cyber Security student at De Montfort University
Reply 6
Hi bananasplit20
Im back studying masters. but when I graduated I had lots friends i made in uni, but we all went our different ways into different jobs. I managed to get my first new job in a far away different city where I didnt know anyone, I soon found a gym there and joined it, I just felt better being around people even if I didnt talk to them. Eventually like happens in gyms, I started talk to someone about boxing as we both practiced that, we learned about each other more and from there I went to his boxing gym, and there made friends via him, and the gym aswell, it just multiplies itself once you meet one person, its happened a few times to me like that when I started off at "ground zero" friendship wise.
I still sometimes felt depressed some days though, but it turns out had a lot of stress from finances or other stuff, the depression went away when i had those things sorted better.
Im back studying masters. but when I graduated I had lots friends i made in uni, but we all went our different ways into different jobs. I managed to get my first new job in a far away different city where I didnt know anyone, I soon found a gym there and joined it, I just felt better being around people even if I didnt talk to them. Eventually like happens in gyms, I started talk to someone about boxing as we both practiced that, we learned about each other more and from there I went to his boxing gym, and there made friends via him, and the gym aswell, it just multiplies itself once you meet one person, its happened a few times to me like that when I started off at "ground zero" friendship wise.
I still sometimes felt depressed some days though, but it turns out had a lot of stress from finances or other stuff, the depression went away when i had those things sorted better.
Reply 7
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
Hi there @bananasplit20,
I am so sorry to hear about how you are feeling about coming into 3rd year. A friend of mine was in a similar situation and had to find a house with new flatmates in their 3rd year. These things do happen and friendships take time to build so it's best to keep an open mind.
It may be difficult in the beginning when you go back but I think it's important to keep trying. You can start by taking a few small steps and try joining a society that interests you again or join a one-off student union event (eg. walking trail, film night, pub quizz...)🙂
Reconnect and catch up with some of your other classmates or acquaintances that you weren't previously so close with and invite them out for lunch or a study session.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in the year ahead.
Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)
Reply 8
Original post
by bananasplit20Hi everyone! As the title suggests, I am a lonely third year.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
In my first year of uni I was a commuter which definitely made my life a lot harder. I did join a few societies and I made some cool friends. But then in 2nd year I moved in with 2 of those friends and we just didn't get on. I was depressed the whole year and they also just used to gang up on me. I think I can genuinely say my second year of uni was the worst year of my whole life. So I basically didn't go out or talk to barely anyone, so naturally I drifted from most people. Naturally, this means I'm going into third year a bit lonely. I'm currently on a semester abroad and I'm having a great time, I've met some lovely friends and having a lot of fun. But I'm really scared to go back to uni next semester with no one. Especially because all the societies will have started up and groups will have already formed. At least I'm at Edinburgh so I've got another year after this one (our degrees are 4 years).
Anyways, does anyone else feel like this? I surely can't be the only one.
You’re definitely not the only one who feels like this….honestly, a lot of people go through something similar but don’t really talk about it. It sounds like you’ve had a really rough time, especially in second year, and I can completely understand why you’d feel anxious about going back. Falling out with housemates can make such a huge difference to your whole uni experience, and when things go sour, it’s so easy to retreat and end up feeling isolated.
The fact that you’ve gone abroad, met new people, and are actually enjoying yourself shows that you’re more than capable of building connections, it just means you needed the right environment and people around you, which is such an important thing to realise. When you go back to Edinburgh, that experience abroad will actually work in your favour,you’ll have new confidence and a fresh perspective that you can bring into your final year.
Don’t worry too much about societies already being formed; most of them are used to people joining later, especially in second term. You could also look out for smaller or niche societies, volunteering, or course-related events where it’s easier to get to know people more naturally. Even reconnecting with a few people from your first year could be worth a try…sometimes it just takes a small message or bumping into someone to reopen a door.
And honestly, give yourself some credit. You’ve already survived a tough year and built yourself back up while abroad, that’s huge. Going into your next year doesn’t have to be about finding a big group or reinventing everything, just about slowly building a little circle of people who make you feel comfortable. You’ve already proved to yourself that you can do that.
It really does get better when you stop putting pressure on yourself to have the perfect uni experience and just focus on surrounding yourself with the right kind of people and it sounds like you’re already on the right track.
Good luck! Sophie🙂
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