What are the reasons a guy is profoundly unsuccessful on a dating app?
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Reply 1
What are the positive reasons someone might want to get in touch with you?
Reply 2
Reply 3
It may be I need to make more effort however I don't want to look fake, it's anathema to me. I ask because I am the guy who is very unsuccessful. Just for reference, IRL, I have had extremely mixed opinions on my looks.
Reply 4
What are the positive reasons someone might want to get in touch with you?
Companionship, romance. Not sure why someone would want to be in touch but I know when I feel a connection IRL.
Reply 5
Putting effort in and wanting to show your best is not a bad thing! i dont think it would make you fake tbh only if you change the way you look and exaggerate information about yourself. unsucessful at what?
Reply 6
I meant unsuccessful at internet dating. It's me. Tbh I don't have any pics socialising, or of exotic travel, so that maybe part of it.
Reply 7
1.
Male heterosexual members outnumber female heterosexual members on these apps.
2.
Of the female members a proportion of them would have photos or a description that would put most male members off. You can judge for yourself what that proportion is for the apps you've been on.
3.
Therefore the female members that you're motivated to contact will be bombarded by messages from men. We're talking about over 100 messages per day for some women.
4.
Most men post amateur looking photos. The men with the best success rates have professional looking photos. The sort of photos that would look right at home in a glossy magazine.
5.
Most men have poorly written profiles. The best profiles create an emotional reaction in the women that read it. Most profiles are not polarising enough. They're bland. Trying to appeal to all women. The best profiles repel the sort of woman the man doesn't want to meet and attracts the sort of woman he does want to meet.
6.
Most men have poor initial messages. Combine that with the message bombardment that the most popular women get and you have a recipe for you being skipped over.
7.
Most men write poor follow up messages. They don't know what sort of message to send in what sort of context. With a lot of men being particularly bad at moving for a close in terms of meeting up in real life. The aim of your messages isn't to become her pen friend. It's to get her on a first date.
8.
Almost nobody gets training in online dating. Training from good sources is available. For free. And paid for training. Be aware that there's also a lot of terrible advice about dating and online dating out there. Such as for example the Incel / Black Pill / looksmaxxing type youtube channels that give terrible advice.
9.
Most men don't sit down and think clearly about the sort of woman they're looking for. For example there are men that want a woman that works as a doctor or a lawyer, has a mega fit body, with a beautiful face, that's well educated, with a sweet outgoing personality, that will be happy to become a faithful stay at home mum, good at cooking and cleaning and will be a good companion for the man at social events. Such a woman would be an impossible set of contradictions. And even if the man were to meet such a one in ten billion treasure, he wouldn't be able to handle the amount of attention she'd get from other men every time she stepped outside her front door.
10.
Think carefully and clearly about the sort of woman you want. Does it make sense that such a woman exists? Would you be able to handle the likely drawbacks of such a woman? Having formed a clear realistic description of the sort of woman you want, do you as a man tick the right boxes to attract such a woman? And do you show enough on your profile that you could be the right sort of man for her?
11.
Does your profile stand out from the crowd of male profiles, from the point of view of your target audience? And does it stand out in the right kinds of ways?
12.
On top of all that, there's general real life man to woman social skills. It's no good if you're meeting multiple women per week, only to get blown after your first, second, third date. Most men are poor to mediocre at attracting women on first and subsequent dates. The biggest reason that most men are poor is that they don't have the right internal world. The right mindset, attitude, approach, basic practical life philosophy.
13.
As for looking fake, when Ferrari advertise their cars, do they lead on the terrible fuel economy, the lack of space, the questionable reliability record? Or do they not mention those things? And for certain negative things, do they spin them into a positive? Such as the huge purchase price being linked with exclusivity and desirability and the implication that they must be great cars because they cost so much?
14.
Also on the subject of fake, we all have different ways that we speak and act in different circumstances. Being the sort of guy that speaks and acts according to what's most appropriate for the situation is not being fake. It's being a fully functional, versatile adult.
15.
Go for the lover frame, not the provider frame. The richer you are, the more important it is to be very understated about your wealth.
Reply 8
1.
Male heterosexual members outnumber female heterosexual members on these apps.
2.
Of the female members a proportion of them would have photos or a description that would put most male members off. You can judge for yourself what that proportion is for the apps you've been on.
3.
Therefore the female members that you're motivated to contact will be bombarded by messages from men. We're talking about over 100 messages per day for some women.
4.
Most men post amateur looking photos. The men with the best success rates have professional looking photos. The sort of photos that would look right at home in a glossy magazine.
5.
Most men have poorly written profiles. The best profiles create an emotional reaction in the women that read it. Most profiles are not polarising enough. They're bland. Trying to appeal to all women. The best profiles repel the sort of woman the man doesn't want to meet and attracts the sort of woman he does want to meet.
6.
Most men have poor initial messages. Combine that with the message bombardment that the most popular women get and you have a recipe for you being skipped over.
7.
Most men write poor follow up messages. They don't know what sort of message to send in what sort of context. With a lot of men being particularly bad at moving for a close in terms of meeting up in real life. The aim of your messages isn't to become her pen friend. It's to get her on a first date.
8.
Almost nobody gets training in online dating. Training from good sources is available. For free. And paid for training. Be aware that there's also a lot of terrible advice about dating and online dating out there. Such as for example the Incel / Black Pill / looksmaxxing type youtube channels that give terrible advice.
9.
Most men don't sit down and think clearly about the sort of woman they're looking for. For example there are men that want a woman that works as a doctor or a lawyer, has a mega fit body, with a beautiful face, that's well educated, with a sweet outgoing personality, that will be happy to become a faithful stay at home mum, good at cooking and cleaning and will be a good companion for the man at social events. Such a woman would be an impossible set of contradictions. And even if the man were to meet such a one in ten billion treasure, he wouldn't be able to handle the amount of attention she'd get from other men every time she stepped outside her front door.
10.
Think carefully and clearly about the sort of woman you want. Does it make sense that such a woman exists? Would you be able to handle the likely drawbacks of such a woman? Having formed a clear realistic description of the sort of woman you want, do you as a man tick the right boxes to attract such a woman? And do you show enough on your profile that you could be the right sort of man for her?
11.
Does your profile stand out from the crowd of male profiles, from the point of view of your target audience? And does it stand out in the right kinds of ways?
12.
On top of all that, there's general real life man to woman social skills. It's no good if you're meeting multiple women per week, only to get blown after your first, second, third date. Most men are poor to mediocre at attracting women on first and subsequent dates. The biggest reason that most men are poor is that they don't have the right internal world. The right mindset, attitude, approach, basic practical life philosophy.
13.
As for looking fake, when Ferrari advertise their cars, do they lead on the terrible fuel economy, the lack of space, the questionable reliability record? Or do they not mention those things? And for certain negative things, do they spin them into a positive? Such as the huge purchase price being linked with exclusivity and desirability and the implication that they must be great cars because they cost so much?
14.
Also on the subject of fake, we all have different ways that we speak and act in different circumstances. Being the sort of guy that speaks and acts according to what's most appropriate for the situation is not being fake. It's being a fully functional, versatile adult.
15.
Go for the lover frame, not the provider frame. The richer you are, the more important it is to be very understated about your wealth.
Thanks for the extensive reply. I will read through more thoroughly in a minute. Just commenting that 4) implies extreme shallowness to me. Also as an aside I don't message, I am on an app where you swipe before any messages. I'm not talking about conversations problems so much as getting a swipe in the first place.
Reply 9
Coming back to the Ferrari metaphor, do they advertise their cars with amateur looking snaps, with the car looking dirty after a drive on a winter's day?
Are you the sort of guy that does what it takes to get the results that you want? As long as you keep things legal?
Or are you the sort of guy that makes half-hearted attempt at things and gives up, or carries on doing the same thing over and over again whilst hoping for different results?
Are you the sort of guy that very much tends to stay in the middle of the herd? Or are you the sort of guy that looks at what the herd is doing, analyses it and looks at way to do things differently and better than the herd?
Being successful at online dating may require you to go on a journey of self improvement.
There's nothing fake about self improvement.
And yes, good marketing of Ferrari does involve what could objectively be described as a lot of shallow stuff. But what's under the surface is some superb engineering, that's rather different from the herd of cars.
One way of looking at it, is that there is at least one great match for you out there on Online dating apps. Someone whose life will be enhanced by you dating her. If having professional looking photos is what you've got to do to get her initial interest, go for it. Don't hold back, as that would be to deny your destiny and her destiny.
1.
Do not restrict yourself to one dating app. Put yourself on multiple apps.
2.
You can do scientific research as to what sort of photos and profile text works best by creating a profile in a city that's hundreds or thousands of miles from where you live. In that way you won't "poison the well" of your city if you create a really bad profile.
3.
Once you have a good profile that's getting results, along with you sorting out your messaging, go for paid for premium boosts on the app. The cost per first date of doing this should be affordable and should make sense from a time is money point of view.
Reply 10
Are you the sort of guy that does what it takes to get the results that you want? As long as you keep things legal?
Or are you the sort of guy that makes half-hearted attempt at things and gives up, or carries on doing the same thing over and over again whilst hoping for different results?
Are you the sort of guy that very much tends to stay in the middle of the herd? Or are you the sort of guy that looks at what the herd is doing, analyses it and looks at way to do things differently and better than the herd?
Being successful at online dating may require you to go on a journey of self improvement.
There's nothing fake about self improvement.
And yes, good marketing of Ferrari does involve what could objectively be described as a lot of shallow stuff. But what's under the surface is some superb engineering, that's rather different from the herd of cars.
One way of looking at it, is that there is at least one great match for you out there on Online dating apps. Someone whose life will be enhanced by you dating her. If having professional looking photos is what you've got to do to get her initial interest, go for it. Don't hold back, as that would be to deny your destiny and her destiny.
1.
Do not restrict yourself to one dating app. Put yourself on multiple apps.
2.
You can do scientific research as to what sort of photos and profile text works best by creating a profile in a city that's hundreds or thousands of miles from where you live. In that way you won't "poison the well" of your city if you create a really bad profile.
3.
Once you have a good profile that's getting results, along with you sorting out your messaging, go for paid for premium boosts on the app. The cost per first date of doing this should be affordable and should make sense from a time is money point of view.
Ok I've read both posts now will refer back to the advice, many thanks.
Reply 11
Reply 12
I’m a girl and honestly dating apps are just trash. They are very superficial and I’ve never had any luck on them either.
I value conversation and common interests and it’s really hard to get that on a dating app because it’s all looks orientated. I think meeting people in person is a lot better.
Reply 13
Reply 14
Of course, you'd be better off going out the house and meeting people in social situations.
Reply 15
1.
Male heterosexual members outnumber female heterosexual members on these apps.
2.
Of the female members a proportion of them would have photos or a description that would put most male members off. You can judge for yourself what that proportion is for the apps you've been on.
3.
Therefore the female members that you're motivated to contact will be bombarded by messages from men. We're talking about over 100 messages per day for some women.
4.
Most men post amateur looking photos. The men with the best success rates have professional looking photos. The sort of photos that would look right at home in a glossy magazine.
5.
Most men have poorly written profiles. The best profiles create an emotional reaction in the women that read it. Most profiles are not polarising enough. They're bland. Trying to appeal to all women. The best profiles repel the sort of woman the man doesn't want to meet and attracts the sort of woman he does want to meet.
6.
Most men have poor initial messages. Combine that with the message bombardment that the most popular women get and you have a recipe for you being skipped over.
7.
Most men write poor follow up messages. They don't know what sort of message to send in what sort of context. With a lot of men being particularly bad at moving for a close in terms of meeting up in real life. The aim of your messages isn't to become her pen friend. It's to get her on a first date.
8.
Almost nobody gets training in online dating. Training from good sources is available. For free. And paid for training. Be aware that there's also a lot of terrible advice about dating and online dating out there. Such as for example the Incel / Black Pill / looksmaxxing type youtube channels that give terrible advice.
9.
Most men don't sit down and think clearly about the sort of woman they're looking for. For example there are men that want a woman that works as a doctor or a lawyer, has a mega fit body, with a beautiful face, that's well educated, with a sweet outgoing personality, that will be happy to become a faithful stay at home mum, good at cooking and cleaning and will be a good companion for the man at social events. Such a woman would be an impossible set of contradictions. And even if the man were to meet such a one in ten billion treasure, he wouldn't be able to handle the amount of attention she'd get from other men every time she stepped outside her front door.
10.
Think carefully and clearly about the sort of woman you want. Does it make sense that such a woman exists? Would you be able to handle the likely drawbacks of such a woman? Having formed a clear realistic description of the sort of woman you want, do you as a man tick the right boxes to attract such a woman? And do you show enough on your profile that you could be the right sort of man for her?
11.
Does your profile stand out from the crowd of male profiles, from the point of view of your target audience? And does it stand out in the right kinds of ways?
12.
On top of all that, there's general real life man to woman social skills. It's no good if you're meeting multiple women per week, only to get blown after your first, second, third date. Most men are poor to mediocre at attracting women on first and subsequent dates. The biggest reason that most men are poor is that they don't have the right internal world. The right mindset, attitude, approach, basic practical life philosophy.
13.
As for looking fake, when Ferrari advertise their cars, do they lead on the terrible fuel economy, the lack of space, the questionable reliability record? Or do they not mention those things? And for certain negative things, do they spin them into a positive? Such as the huge purchase price being linked with exclusivity and desirability and the implication that they must be great cars because they cost so much?
14.
Also on the subject of fake, we all have different ways that we speak and act in different circumstances. Being the sort of guy that speaks and acts according to what's most appropriate for the situation is not being fake. It's being a fully functional, versatile adult.
15.
Go for the lover frame, not the provider frame. The richer you are, the more important it is to be very understated about your wealth.
'female' wrap it up lil bro
Reply 16
I think @Dunnig Kruger has given you a pretty comprehensive post, that's covered most aspects (however, my main criticism is that I've never seen Ferrari advertise their cars, because they don't need to
) ... I just wanted to add that you shouldn't be dismissive about the importance of photos on your profile. Yes, it may be shallow, but (unfortunately) the nature of online dating these days is very shallow... so if you want to get ahead, you'll have to learn to play the game. Look, when someone looks at your profile, the first thing they're going to notice is your main photo... from there they'll make a split second decision whether or not they'll bother to look at whatever else you've said about yourself. Think of your photo as the equivalent of sending your CV to an employer... you can have the best skillset in the world, but if the presentation / format of the CV doesn't catch the HR recruiters eye, you'll never get a look-in. Same sort of principles apply here, a girl doesn't want to read through 000's of replies any more than a recruiter wants to look at 000's of CV's. In fact, as you said you're on an app where you swipe before you message, then photos are even more important than ever, no?Don't under-estimate the power of a good photo. I mean, if it's going to help your profile, isn't it well-worth the £2-300 it may cost for a professional photographer and some studio time? If you can't afford the fees, well I'm sure you could bribe a few students studying the subject with a few beers (OSLT). Also, having done some modelling work when I was a student, I know how much work goes into creating those perfect photos you see on Vogue, GQ Cosmopolitan etc. The model themself is only one part of it... as well as the photographer, you have the clothes stylist, the hair stylist, the make-up artist, the director, the choice of background, even the very specific camera angle or lighting conditions are all carefully planned (and I haven't even bothered mentioning things like Photoshop lol). Seriously, think of this team of people as an artist, and you're their blank canvas... if you trust their judgement (and you've got a good team of people), you'll be very very surprised as to what they can do. Even for yourself, it may be a good thing to do. Afterall, none of us are getting any younger, so if you did the photos you'll always have a reminder of how great you once looked many years later.
And just to clarify (I don't think this was emphasised in the other post), but the photo(s) isn't necessarily to say, "Look how pretty / sexy I am", but more to show a snapshot into your life or an insight into your personality (after all, how we choose to dress / present ourselves is a visual representation of our personality/ character)... so maybe a photo doing something you like or are passionate about would work wonders. For example, if you liked sailing, you could have a head-shot of you obviously on a boat, surfing etc. looking like you're loving it. Sure it won't appeal to some, but to someone who likes boats or is into an active / outdoor lifestyle, then that photo is gonna grab their attention and possibly persuade them to look at whatever you've written about yourself (provided it's not War and Peace obvs
).Reply 17
I've always been meaning to ask, but why do people here seem to have such a problem with the term "females"?
I'm asking because I once casually used it in a post a while back, only to get hit with a good flaming with people accusing me of being misogynistic, sexist, derogatory etc. one person even suggesting I should be banned. In this example, the poster also referred to "males" in the same volume and later switched to men and women in the latter parts of his post.
When I recovered, I thought that they misread my post and thought I wrote "femoid" (a derogatory term incels use to describe women), but the fact you called this user out as well suggests there's an issue with the term female? I thought it was just a term to describe 1/2 of any living species?
I'm not having a go, but I'm genuinely curious to why people seem to have a problem with that particular term.
Reply 18
For example, here's their advert for their 12 Cilinidri:
https://www.ferrari.com/en-EN/auto/ferrari-12cilindri
The professionalism of the photography is shown by the focus, composition, lighting. And the lack of dust. There's not even brake dust on the wheels 😇
Reply 19
For example, here's their advert for their 12 Cilinidri:
https://www.ferrari.com/en-EN/auto/ferrari-12cilindri
The professionalism of the photography is shown by the focus, composition, lighting. And the lack of dust. There's not even brake dust on the wheels 😇
Ferrari design has really fallen off in the past decade or so. Half their range is ugly as sin, with the other half being okay at best. The 12 Cilindri is pretty awful, as is the F80. I won't even mention the Purosangue. Granted, the 296, Roma and SP3 look good, but I don't think Ferrari has had a lineup as good looking as their early 2010s line was. The 458, California (not California T), 599, FF and F12 were so good looking... The 488 looked like a Ferrari 458 described and redrawn over the phone.
I'm asking because I once casually used it in a post a while back, only to get hit with a good flaming with people accusing me of being misogynistic, sexist, derogatory etc. one person even suggesting I should be banned. In this example, the poster also referred to "males" in the same volume and later switched to men and women in the latter parts of his post.
When I recovered, I thought that they misread my post and thought I wrote "femoid" (a derogatory term incels use to describe women), but the fact you called this user out as well suggests there's an issue with the term female? I thought it was just a term to describe 1/2 of any living species?
I'm not having a go, but I'm genuinely curious to why people seem to have a problem with that particular term.
I think it's usually seen as disrespectful. I'd never use male or female to talk about a group of people, but there are times where I think it can be used.
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