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Situationship

Hi,
I met a girl on work experience in June.
I invited her out for something to eat or maybe watch a movie as a date, she replied saying she would love to, however, on multiple occasions where we tried to organize something, each time it didn’t happen due to her parents being strict. She is a Muslim and her mums side of the family are very strict or so she told me, eventually we had a couple of face time calls and were texting every day, she invited me to a Haloween house party. I told her I would love to go and she suggested matching outfits, unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to go by my dad.
I am Christian and we are both year 13 applying for medicine. After I told her I couldn’t go, she said no worries and thanks for letting her know. I told her I’d still love to take her out for a meal or something to see her and only then after 5 months of talking did she say “she’s really sorry but she won’t be able to meet me in person this year as it’s a general rule in the family”.
I had a sort of sinking feeling in my heart, we both had so much in common and she seemed like the one. Although the original Haloween party she invited me to was cancelled, she went out to 2 other parties and then a guy in my biology class said he saw her at another. I feel like I am missing out as I stayed at home studying. Since then we have not spoke apart from me texting her asking how the party went to which she replied with a voice note and a sort of sad tone about how the party was busy and intimidating. I replied and she just responded with a laughing emoji. I understand it may sound petty this whole situation but I think I got too attached. Do I reach out again? Bearing jn mind we both have medicine interview period approaching, or do I just move on?

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi,
I met a girl on work experience in June.
I invited her out for something to eat or maybe watch a movie as a date, she replied saying she would love to, however, on multiple occasions where we tried to organize something, each time it didn’t happen due to her parents being strict. She is a Muslim and her mums side of the family are very strict or so she told me, eventually we had a couple of face time calls and were texting every day, she invited me to a Haloween house party. I told her I would love to go and she suggested matching outfits, unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to go by my dad.
I am Christian and we are both year 13 applying for medicine. After I told her I couldn’t go, she said no worries and thanks for letting her know. I told her I’d still love to take her out for a meal or something to see her and only then after 5 months of talking did she say “she’s really sorry but she won’t be able to meet me in person this year as it’s a general rule in the family”.
I had a sort of sinking feeling in my heart, we both had so much in common and she seemed like the one. Although the original Haloween party she invited me to was cancelled, she went out to 2 other parties and then a guy in my biology class said he saw her at another. I feel like I am missing out as I stayed at home studying. Since then we have not spoke apart from me texting her asking how the party went to which she replied with a voice note and a sort of sad tone about how the party was busy and intimidating. I replied and she just responded with a laughing emoji. I understand it may sound petty this whole situation but I think I got too attached. Do I reach out again? Bearing jn mind we both have medicine interview period approaching, or do I just move on?

Move on brother. What starts haram ends haram. For one she shouldn’t be partying I’m not saying she can’t but in our religion any altercation with the opposite gender is strictly forbidden and prohibited and is haram. Hence I could understand why the parents said no for her to having a meal or a visit to the cinema. There’s no such date thing in Islam. It is the saying if there’s no blessing in her parents side for example approval to meet you up, well she wouldn’t be allowed to anyways that’s not pleasing her parents and that certainly won’t please Allah either. How much you prepared to do for thinking that she’s the one? Can you convert to Islam for her?
(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 2

Yes you should reach out again and you should look to escalate things with her after A levels, and after you've both gone to uni. You should aim to keep things light, bright and breezy till then. With just enough messages to keep things ticking over. But don't bombard her with messages.

At the same time you should be reaching out to other young women. There's an abundance of great women that will be a great match for you out there.

Aim to go to uni in a different city to where you live. You've got to get out from the regime of parental tyranny.

Do NOT get too invested in this girl. It's quite possible her parents will find out about you messaging her and force her to abruptly break off all contact with you. If that were to happen during exam season it could make all the difference between you studying medicine or some crumby subject.
Be mentally prepared for her to dump you.
It would be fine to tell her that you won't be messaging her between Easter and your last exam, so that each of you can fully concentrate on A levels. And then stick to that.

Reply 3

It all feels a bit complicated. Concentrate on the A’ levels and go wild when you get to uni. Plenty more fish

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