abusive flatmates

I am in third year and I have an abusive flatmate. I don't know If anyone else has faced this before, it feels very silly to be scared of my flatmates. They get very angry pretty often and shouts at people, has smashed my things out of anger. My flatmates seem to be ok with it but I find it really upsetting. I don't want to spend any time with them or at our house, and I don't know if this is normal or what to do. We have already spoken about their anger and they said they know its bad but they have anger issues so they can't help it.
What should I do? I don't think I can live with this all year.

Reply 1

Talkative Toad

Volunteer Team

22

Original post

by Anonymous

I am in third year and I have an abusive flatmate. I don't know If anyone else has faced this before, it feels very silly to be scared of my flatmates. They get very angry pretty often and shouts at people, has smashed my things out of anger. My flatmates seem to be ok with it but I find it really upsetting. I don't want to spend any time with them or at our house, and I don't know if this is normal or what to do. We have already spoken about their anger and they said they know its bad but they have anger issues so they can't help it.
What should I do? I don't think I can live with this all year.

When you say house, is this a house share, private halls or university halls?

If it’s university halls, have you escalated this to any university staff or campus security at all? E.g residential team/wardens; Reception; Accommodation staff; onsite security staff; maybe even the student union?

Also what’s your accommodation contract like? Depending on the rules, your angry flatmate could be breaching the contract especially with them breaking your stuff and getting this angry.

They are in my opinion putting the safety of you and potentially others in the accommodation block/nearby area with such unacceptable behaviour.

If their behaviour only bothers you and not the other flatmates then it might be worth seeing if you can move out and find some alternative accommodation.

It’s not normal for the average Joe to be getting angry and breaking other people’s stuff, no.

Reply 2

BCU Student Rep

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

I am in third year and I have an abusive flatmate. I don't know If anyone else has faced this before, it feels very silly to be scared of my flatmates. They get very angry pretty often and shouts at people, has smashed my things out of anger. My flatmates seem to be ok with it but I find it really upsetting. I don't want to spend any time with them or at our house, and I don't know if this is normal or what to do. We have already spoken about their anger and they said they know its bad but they have anger issues so they can't help it.
What should I do? I don't think I can live with this all year.

Hey @Anonymous, I hope you are doing well and thank you for this post because not only will it help you but it can help others in a similar situation. So first of all, it's not silly at all to be scared or uncomfortable, if anything what you are describing is serious and completely valid. No one should feel unsafe or uncomfortable in their own home. The fact that your flatmate is smashing your things and shouting at people, crosses a major line. These are not just 'anger issues' it is abusive and intimidating.

Here is what I suggest you do:

1.

Prioritize your safety

If you ever feel unsafe or threatened, leave the flat and go somewhere secure. This could be a friend's place, the library or even campus security. I highly suggest that you trust your instincts, it will protect you.

1.

Document what is happening

Keep a record of dates, incidents, photos of damage. This will help when you report the flatmate

1.

Reach out for support

Definitely contact your university's accommodation office or student support services or your landlord as soon as possible. Explain what is happening and that you feel unsafe. Your other flatmate not having a problem with them does not invalidate your feelings. They deal with situations like these more often than you think and can help you move or take action.

1.

Speak to someone you trust

Tell a friend, family member or even Personal Tutor. Having someone who knows what is going on makes a huge difference both emotionally and practically.

1.

Set clear boundaries, only if it is safe

Since you have already spoken to them and nothing changed, it is best not to keep confronting them. Let staff handle it from here.

Again, you are not at all overreacting and you do not at all have to, "put up with it." Your peace and safety come first. All the best and stay safe 🙂

Ru
BCU student rep.

abusive flatmates

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Articles for you

How The Student Room is moderated