Need help about moving out
Hi guys, I need advice on how to convince my parents to let me move out to uni. I’m in year 13, really eager to move out to uni for a forensic science course but my parents are refusing to let me go. They want me to apply to my local uni instead but I do not want to. They think I am mentally incompetent and dependent on them because of my autism and anxiety (which is not as severe as they like to make it out to be, I have mild struggles with sensory issues and communication, but I am completely independent ) and as a result, unable to move out and live away from home. Also, they are only willing to let me move out for marriage purposes (yes, before you ask, I am south Asian and an atheist in a Muslim household💔), but at the same time, complain that I’ll never be independent so I’m quite puzzled? What do they want?
They’ve also said that they aren’t letting me move out because “how will they know if I’m attending my lectures” which makes zero sense because if I were to attend the local uni, how would they know anyway, and also, why on earth would I go in an extreme amount of debt for a course I won’t even show up to?
All my friends are saying my parents are crazy for not letting me move out because I am nearly an adult and despite my disability, can make rational decisions about my life.
I’m feeling trapped and uncertain about this and have no idea how to go about it, and I need ways of convincing my parents to move out, my internal ucas deadline is next Friday and my parents are paying for my application (in hopes I get into my local uni)
They’ve also said that they aren’t letting me move out because “how will they know if I’m attending my lectures” which makes zero sense because if I were to attend the local uni, how would they know anyway, and also, why on earth would I go in an extreme amount of debt for a course I won’t even show up to?
All my friends are saying my parents are crazy for not letting me move out because I am nearly an adult and despite my disability, can make rational decisions about my life.
I’m feeling trapped and uncertain about this and have no idea how to go about it, and I need ways of convincing my parents to move out, my internal ucas deadline is next Friday and my parents are paying for my application (in hopes I get into my local uni)
Reply 1
This is a tricky one. How good is your local university for forensic science? If, for example, it was Warwick & you wanted to study MORSE, that would be very different to studying a course you didn't want to take at a low ranking uni.
Do you have a trusted teacher you could speak to at school for advice? They might be able to help you speak to your parents or work out the financial implications of living at home with the support of your family or going further away with the risk that they won't make any parental contribution.
You could, of course, not include the local uni in your list of 5. Your parents can't make your share your UCAS form with them. No university is guaranteed to make you an offer and your local uni might not give you a place even if you do apply.
Very best of luck
Do you have a trusted teacher you could speak to at school for advice? They might be able to help you speak to your parents or work out the financial implications of living at home with the support of your family or going further away with the risk that they won't make any parental contribution.
You could, of course, not include the local uni in your list of 5. Your parents can't make your share your UCAS form with them. No university is guaranteed to make you an offer and your local uni might not give you a place even if you do apply.
Very best of luck
Reply 2
Original post
by miniature-sissyHi guys, I need advice on how to convince my parents to let me move out to uni. I’m in year 13, really eager to move out to uni for a forensic science course but my parents are refusing to let me go. They want me to apply to my local uni instead but I do not want to. They think I am mentally incompetent and dependent on them because of my autism and anxiety (which is not as severe as they like to make it out to be, I have mild struggles with sensory issues and communication, but I am completely independent ) and as a result, unable to move out and live away from home. Also, they are only willing to let me move out for marriage purposes (yes, before you ask, I am south Asian and an atheist in a Muslim household💔), but at the same time, complain that I’ll never be independent so I’m quite puzzled? What do they want?
They’ve also said that they aren’t letting me move out because “how will they know if I’m attending my lectures” which makes zero sense because if I were to attend the local uni, how would they know anyway, and also, why on earth would I go in an extreme amount of debt for a course I won’t even show up to?
All my friends are saying my parents are crazy for not letting me move out because I am nearly an adult and despite my disability, can make rational decisions about my life.
I’m feeling trapped and uncertain about this and have no idea how to go about it, and I need ways of convincing my parents to move out, my internal ucas deadline is next Friday and my parents are paying for my application (in hopes I get into my local uni)
They’ve also said that they aren’t letting me move out because “how will they know if I’m attending my lectures” which makes zero sense because if I were to attend the local uni, how would they know anyway, and also, why on earth would I go in an extreme amount of debt for a course I won’t even show up to?
All my friends are saying my parents are crazy for not letting me move out because I am nearly an adult and despite my disability, can make rational decisions about my life.
I’m feeling trapped and uncertain about this and have no idea how to go about it, and I need ways of convincing my parents to move out, my internal ucas deadline is next Friday and my parents are paying for my application (in hopes I get into my local uni)
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It can be really tricky in a situation like this but I can try and give you some advice!
Firstly, like has been said it depends on what your local uni is and if it is a course that you actually want to do. Would you be happy to go there? If not, it really isn't worth going somewhere you don't want to go or somewhere you don't think you will be happy as you likely won't do as well or you won't be happy.
I would suggest you try and talk to someone you feel you can speak to about this - is there a family member you can talk to who would understand how you feel and might be able to speak to your parents on your behalf? Or a teacher who can talk them for you? I know it may feel silly but your parents may feel differently if it is someone else they know talking to them about it.
I know it might feel pointless, but just keep talking to them about how you feel. The more they realise it is genuinely something you want and feel you can do, the more open they might start to be about it. Is there any way you can show them that you can be independent and then they might start to see that you are capable of moving out on your own. It might be worth thinking about it anyway.
I hope some of this helps and things work out for you.
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 3
Dude, that sucks. I’m also an atheist in a Muslim household, and both my parents are South Asian — like village South Asian — so I get the struggle. I also have ADHD (diagnosed this year) and schizophrenia, but yeah, they don’t affect my life that much either since I’m on medication for the schizophrenia and I’ve learnt to live with ADHD.
I also want to move out for uni too, but my parents won’t let me ’cause of that, and like, my dad’s a very controlling man. Since I’m still in Year 13, I don’t have much advice, so I’m sorry — but I know your school can help a lot. They helped me a lot and even helped my parents try to understand and listen.
My parents still let me apply for one uni outside, and it took a lot of work, but they agreed on one — Brighton, which is literally my dream uni, mainly ’cause I get to live near a beach 😋.
The way I convinced them was by saying there are only three good unis here in London where I live for the course I want to apply to (neuroscience). So I told them if I only apply to London ones, my options won’t be as good as the ones outside. I also tried to keep it relatively close to home so I can still come back for the weekend and stuff.
I also did an EPQ, and they don’t accept reduced offers for a lot of the ones in London, but Brighton did — so yeah, that was another thing. It’s only one, and my parents aren’t totally happy with it, but at least it’s something.
I’d say try to be very logical with them and give them facts they can’t deny — like how unis outside are sometimes better, and how you have higher chances elsewhere. Also, you can tell them about programmes that unis have for autism and anxiety. I know Brighton, the uni I applied for, was one of the reasons my parents accepted it — they have really good support for ADHD and schizophrenia, far better than the London ones.
So yeah. My friends also think my parents are a bit crazy for not letting me apply out, especially because they know they’re not the most caring parents ever and I need a break from them. I love them, but they drive me a bit insane sometimes, especially with stuff like this.
So yeah — back yourself up with the facts if you’re applying out. Try and apply to top unis that will impress them, and also make it clear that there are programmes for both you and them for your autism and anxiety.
Wish you all the best ❤️ Also, I use AI to fix my spelling ’cause I’m dyslexic, so if it sounds a bit not human-written, that’s why 😂 But I promise I get it — it sucks, but you got this. And if you don’t stand up for yourself, you’re gonna regret it, babes 💪
Also, for the UCAS application, your parents aren’t really able to see it, so I’m sure you can still put your favourite uni. The way I did it is by saying the uni I’m applying to has less competition than those in London, so automatically I have a higher chance of getting in than I would for the unis I applied to in London. I lied a bit and said I was applying to super selective ones like Imperial and UCL — so it further increased my chances of getting into Brighton.
So just be clever. And also, with South Asian parents, they’re not gonna let you move out if you say stuff like “I want to be independent” and all that — you have to say things like, “Oh, but I want to get into a uni outside because their course is better, I’ll get a better job, and you can flex to your friends that I’m successful and can buy you fancy cars,” or like, “I’ll get a good marriage proposal.” Just sweet-talk them into the idea. Then once you’re out, you can do whatever you want 😭
If all comes to worse and they won’t let you apply out — and I’m sorry if that happens — you can always do a course that has a year abroad or a placement year. I forgot what it’s called, but I’m sure you know what I mean. Some unis even offer it at the beginning or in between years, so you can spend a full year away then — or even longer sometimes.
So yeah, wishing you the best of luck, you got this! Keep using your head, and I’m sure you’ll manage. You can message me anytime on here, like for updates and stuff, and I’ll be happy to help. I hope this helps 🥰
Also sorry, very long message — byeeeeeee 😭
I also want to move out for uni too, but my parents won’t let me ’cause of that, and like, my dad’s a very controlling man. Since I’m still in Year 13, I don’t have much advice, so I’m sorry — but I know your school can help a lot. They helped me a lot and even helped my parents try to understand and listen.
My parents still let me apply for one uni outside, and it took a lot of work, but they agreed on one — Brighton, which is literally my dream uni, mainly ’cause I get to live near a beach 😋.
The way I convinced them was by saying there are only three good unis here in London where I live for the course I want to apply to (neuroscience). So I told them if I only apply to London ones, my options won’t be as good as the ones outside. I also tried to keep it relatively close to home so I can still come back for the weekend and stuff.
I also did an EPQ, and they don’t accept reduced offers for a lot of the ones in London, but Brighton did — so yeah, that was another thing. It’s only one, and my parents aren’t totally happy with it, but at least it’s something.
I’d say try to be very logical with them and give them facts they can’t deny — like how unis outside are sometimes better, and how you have higher chances elsewhere. Also, you can tell them about programmes that unis have for autism and anxiety. I know Brighton, the uni I applied for, was one of the reasons my parents accepted it — they have really good support for ADHD and schizophrenia, far better than the London ones.
So yeah. My friends also think my parents are a bit crazy for not letting me apply out, especially because they know they’re not the most caring parents ever and I need a break from them. I love them, but they drive me a bit insane sometimes, especially with stuff like this.
So yeah — back yourself up with the facts if you’re applying out. Try and apply to top unis that will impress them, and also make it clear that there are programmes for both you and them for your autism and anxiety.
Wish you all the best ❤️ Also, I use AI to fix my spelling ’cause I’m dyslexic, so if it sounds a bit not human-written, that’s why 😂 But I promise I get it — it sucks, but you got this. And if you don’t stand up for yourself, you’re gonna regret it, babes 💪
Also, for the UCAS application, your parents aren’t really able to see it, so I’m sure you can still put your favourite uni. The way I did it is by saying the uni I’m applying to has less competition than those in London, so automatically I have a higher chance of getting in than I would for the unis I applied to in London. I lied a bit and said I was applying to super selective ones like Imperial and UCL — so it further increased my chances of getting into Brighton.
So just be clever. And also, with South Asian parents, they’re not gonna let you move out if you say stuff like “I want to be independent” and all that — you have to say things like, “Oh, but I want to get into a uni outside because their course is better, I’ll get a better job, and you can flex to your friends that I’m successful and can buy you fancy cars,” or like, “I’ll get a good marriage proposal.” Just sweet-talk them into the idea. Then once you’re out, you can do whatever you want 😭
If all comes to worse and they won’t let you apply out — and I’m sorry if that happens — you can always do a course that has a year abroad or a placement year. I forgot what it’s called, but I’m sure you know what I mean. Some unis even offer it at the beginning or in between years, so you can spend a full year away then — or even longer sometimes.
So yeah, wishing you the best of luck, you got this! Keep using your head, and I’m sure you’ll manage. You can message me anytime on here, like for updates and stuff, and I’ll be happy to help. I hope this helps 🥰
Also sorry, very long message — byeeeeeee 😭
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 4
Original post
by PastypoweredThis is a tricky one. How good is your local university for forensic science? If, for example, it was Warwick & you wanted to study MORSE, that would be very different to studying a course you didn't want to take at a low ranking uni.
Do you have a trusted teacher you could speak to at school for advice? They might be able to help you speak to your parents or work out the financial implications of living at home with the support of your family or going further away with the risk that they won't make any parental contribution.
You could, of course, not include the local uni in your list of 5. Your parents can't make your share your UCAS form with them. No university is guaranteed to make you an offer and your local uni might not give you a place even if you do apply.
Very best of luck
Do you have a trusted teacher you could speak to at school for advice? They might be able to help you speak to your parents or work out the financial implications of living at home with the support of your family or going further away with the risk that they won't make any parental contribution.
You could, of course, not include the local uni in your list of 5. Your parents can't make your share your UCAS form with them. No university is guaranteed to make you an offer and your local uni might not give you a place even if you do apply.
Very best of luck
My local uni for forensic science is so bad compared to the other unis, the modules are so much better at other unis
Reply 5
Original post
by miniature-sissyMy local uni for forensic science is so bad compared to the other unis, the modules are so much better at other unis
Use facts about the uni you like — like stats and comparisons with local ones — and tell them that not letting you go will put you at a disadvantage.
Reply 6
Where would you really like to go? Research the quiet halls & the welfare support and build up a case for why your choice will meet the things important to them
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