The Student Room Group

AITA for wanting more freedom at uni

My family moved with me for uni. We moved around a bit before and switched homes/cities several times when my dad wanted it, so I would say it's not that untypical but ofc he did it for me and wasn't specifically interested in this one city where my uni is.

I don't have a driving license so he drives me around because he is a bit worried about me taking the bus with racism etc. I've took the bus before when he couldn't drop me off and I've been fine but it's a 45 min journey taking two buses instead of a 15 minutes drive so it's very tedious after a full day of lectures. I am taking lessons with my dad to pass my driving license ( he can't afford to pay lessons and I had some money that went towards uni fees) + I am applying for a job now, wish me luck

Ofc I am not in a bad position, my mom takes take care of most of the cooking/chores although I do help out on weekends, but that's something she would've done anyway, me being here or not. However, I feel like there is a need for control in all these behaviours. My dad told me repeatedly through different things he said that he doesn't trust me.

He will make comments when I go to societies events, asking why I was so late, what I was doing, and if that stuff is compulsory and why I am I going if it isn't. A lot of events will end later some, 6-7, 7-8 and some even stretching till 10pm and I know I'll never be able to go to those because he wouldn't accept it. I feel like I am being treated like a child that goes to school and he already is being generous with the evening stuff but I shouldn't cross a line. I don't really know how to deal with this because I am my own person and everyone around me can do whatever they want and I don't. I also feel like everyone around me is becoming more independent and I am not which feels kinda **** especially if you feel judged by others.

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
My family moved with me for uni. We moved around a bit before and switched homes/cities several times when my dad wanted it, so I would say it's not that untypical but ofc he did it for me and wasn't specifically interested in this one city where my uni is.
I don't have a driving license so he drives me around because he is a bit worried about me taking the bus with racism etc. I've took the bus before when he couldn't drop me off and I've been fine but it's a 45 min journey taking two buses instead of a 15 minutes drive so it's very tedious after a full day of lectures. I am taking lessons with my dad to pass my driving license ( he can't afford to pay lessons and I had some money that went towards uni fees) + I am applying for a job now, wish me luck
Ofc I am not in a bad position, my mom takes take care of most of the cooking/chores although I do help out on weekends, but that's something she would've done anyway, me being here or not. However, I feel like there is a need for control in all these behaviours. My dad told me repeatedly through different things he said that he doesn't trust me.
He will make comments when I go to societies events, asking why I was so late, what I was doing, and if that stuff is compulsory and why I am I going if it isn't. A lot of events will end later some, 6-7, 7-8 and some even stretching till 10pm and I know I'll never be able to go to those because he wouldn't accept it. I feel like I am being treated like a child that goes to school and he already is being generous with the evening stuff but I shouldn't cross a line. I don't really know how to deal with this because I am my own person and everyone around me can do whatever they want and I don't. I also feel like everyone around me is becoming more independent and I am not which feels kinda **** especially if you feel judged by others.

Why are they living with you? That is very uncommon ( at least where I'm from) if you can't speak to your dad about it could you try speaking to your mum or a siblings and see what they think?

Reply 2

Original post
by toppby55
Why are they living with you? That is very uncommon ( at least where I'm from) if you can't speak to your dad about it could you try speaking to your mum or a siblings and see what they think?
Yes it is uncommon and that's why it's very embarrassing in a way. Nobody gets it.
My mum thinks it's good because she gets to spend more time with me and she didn't want to be separated in a way.
My siblings resent me for it because they never wanted to move in the first place so I get a lot of derogatory comments about being the favorite/privileged and they all had to move because of me.
To be honest it just sounds like a classic controlling family, with these silly little insidious behaviours framed as 'caring'.

One of those situations where you have to decide whether you're going to start pushing back a bit against the infantilisation now or later.

Reply 4

Original post
by Anonymous
My family moved with me for uni. We moved around a bit before and switched homes/cities several times when my dad wanted it, so I would say it's not that untypical but ofc he did it for me and wasn't specifically interested in this one city where my uni is.
I don't have a driving license so he drives me around because he is a bit worried about me taking the bus with racism etc. I've took the bus before when he couldn't drop me off and I've been fine but it's a 45 min journey taking two buses instead of a 15 minutes drive so it's very tedious after a full day of lectures. I am taking lessons with my dad to pass my driving license ( he can't afford to pay lessons and I had some money that went towards uni fees) + I am applying for a job now, wish me luck
Ofc I am not in a bad position, my mom takes take care of most of the cooking/chores although I do help out on weekends, but that's something she would've done anyway, me being here or not. However, I feel like there is a need for control in all these behaviours. My dad told me repeatedly through different things he said that he doesn't trust me.
He will make comments when I go to societies events, asking why I was so late, what I was doing, and if that stuff is compulsory and why I am I going if it isn't. A lot of events will end later some, 6-7, 7-8 and some even stretching till 10pm and I know I'll never be able to go to those because he wouldn't accept it. I feel like I am being treated like a child that goes to school and he already is being generous with the evening stuff but I shouldn't cross a line. I don't really know how to deal with this because I am my own person and everyone around me can do whatever they want and I don't. I also feel like everyone around me is becoming more independent and I am not which feels kinda **** especially if you feel judged by others.
I mean your an adult do what you want they can’t do anything
Original post
by Kuriknowsbest98
I mean your an adult do what you want they can’t do anything

Maybe a dash of empathy wouldn’t go amiss.

Reply 6

Original post
by Admit-One
Maybe a dash of empathy wouldn’t go amiss.

I’m so sorry OP I didn’t realize how bad that sounded.

Reply 7

Original post
by Kuriknowsbest98
I mean your an adult do what you want they can’t do anything

Except they pay my rent loll

Reply 8

Original post
by Anonymous
Except they pay my rent loll

Oof I see well it just depends on how steady your income is maybe save before doing much.

Reply 9

Original post
by Anonymous
Except they pay my rent loll

Have you applied for SFE? I would aim to move out for Year 2 and apply for SFE - your parents should them make up the difference between what you are awarded and the full amount.

You need to do this now or you will find it harder to 'escape' after you graduate.

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