running away for university

Hi, I have been planning to leave home for whatever university I get into in September without informing my parents as every single time I've mentioned the topic of moving out for uni, it's ended in an argument with them despite telling me its 'my decision', making many threats against me and overall seeming very unwilling - with my mum previously randomly mentioning the topic once in an argument to shame me, claiming i only wanted to move out for uni to 'do drugs' or whatever immoral unreligious **** she thinks I'd be up to. I personally have been waiting for the opportunity to move out for many years - as - not to be too heavy but quite frequently in my childhood and sometimes now, my mum has been quite physical with me, recently with this resulting in me calling the police on her as she attacked me and trashed my stuff, but her managing to shift the blame onto me, leading to me doubting my own recollection of the events, and wondering if maybe I am even the problem. All of this combined with the fact I know my mum is not entirely happy with my dad, and we do manage to get along sometimes, has lead to me feeling incredibly guilty for just planning to ditch her for seemingly selfish reasons - more peace and freedom for myself. However in my home I often feel like she repeatedly sides with him over me or often makes excuses for his actions towards me, unless she herself has fallen out with him. then she expects me to side with her and talk bad about him. Overall I just feel incredibly uncertain on what to do now as obviously ive always wanted to move out at this point in my life, as i don't like where I live and i crave some independence and free will, but i feel like maybe i'm just ungrateful as my parents obviously could be worse as they still give me many freedoms - I'm allowed to go out lots with friends, they provide for me financially, etc. But to be honest, the idea of everyone else having a choice on moving out, getting to live freely in uni, meeting new people and making new experiences, living with different people etc while I have to stay home makes me feel so miserable. I'm not sure if all of this is worth jeopardizing my relationship with my parents and possibly risking them going non contact with me, but on the other hand I think I could easily just never talk to them again - and the only thing which eats away at me is that they'd spend the rest of their lives feeling bitter about me.