The Student Room Group

Bullied by flatmates

Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Reply 1

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Go and talk to your Accommodation Office - today.

Reply 2

Im so sorry you're going through this, especially at the start of uni that's a very disheartening way to start the year. Report this as soon as you can. Talk to reception in your halls and any Res Life students if you have those. Also reach out the support at your university like the wellbeing team as they might have some advice or actions they recommend taking. If your tutor also knows about it this will explain why you feel like you can't come into class and keep them in the loop of your situation. If you clearly say to these people that this is affecting the quality of my life, my ability to do my work and my mental health then they will have to take action to help you.

Hope this helps and that its all resolved soon :smile:

Vee (Kingston rep)
If you uni has a residential team, this is the kind of thing they are there for.
Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Hi there,

You are right, and this situation is not okay. I would advice to go and speak to your accommodation provider as soon as possible. If you live on campus - it might be useful to speak to the security office as well. Do not be afraid of raising your concern, your flatmates have absolutely no right to behave that way.

Ilya
Cyber Security student at De Montfort University :smile:

Reply 5

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

While I agree with other who suggest you report to authority. I want to add that you develop the courage to stand for yourself too. You can't keep running or depending on other to defend you.

Know what they dislike too and from time to time give them a taste of their own medicine.

I hope you have the courage to take this advise.

Reply 6

Amazing how immature some students can be, I speak from experience. Most have are the same or worse than at school in terms of bullying and cliques. Keep going, seek advice and keep trying to invest in your future. Solidarity.

Reply 7

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.


It's simple - call the police. That's blatant anti-social behaviour and your safety matters.

Ask your accommodation officer to put security or wardens around your section in halls, this could deter them until a resolution is found.

You have a right to peace and security at uni, make sure you're parents know about this so they can support you.

Reply 8

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Hi @Anonymous👋

I am sorry to hear you are feeling that way and in such a rough situation. Please do report this to your accommodation office immediately and let your personal tutor know as well. If you have a residents advisor as well, it would be good to let them know what is going on in your place. Let them know how you are feeling and what they are doing and how their actions are affecting you deeply as well considering you do not feel safe and are lacking sleep as well. They will help you as much as they can- be it moving you to a different place or first talking to the flatmates and checking everything accordingly first.

Essex Student Rep - Lavanya 💜

Reply 9

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Hi there,

I am really sorry that you are going through this.

As others have said, I think you should go and speak to the accommodation office at your uni as they should be able to help you with this and sort something out for you. They are there to help you and make sure things like this are not happening so definitely go and speak to them.

You could also go and speak to the reception desk at your uni as they shouldn't be doing this at all and they will be bale to speak to them and get them to stop, or try and move you to a different flat.

I hope things improve for you soon,
Lucy
SHU student ambassador.

Reply 10

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Hey @Anonymous #1, firstly, I am really sorry you are going through this. As someone who also lives in student accommodation, I can definitely say this is NOT normal student banter. It is absolutely bullying and you do not have to tolerate it. This all sounds like a serious welfare and accommodation issue.

Just like the others have said, I would say you need to report this today:

1.

Accommodation Office

They deal with:

noise complaints

harassment

flatmate disputes


Tell them:

You no longer feel safe

You are being targeted

It is affecting your study and sleep

The behaviour is ongoing


I can tell you, universities move students for FAR less so this situation is absolutely valid.

University Student Welfare
They can:

Intervene on your behalf

Speak to your accommodation

Provide emotional support

Log this formally


Put everything in writing. Send an email to your accommodation office or university housing with:

Dates and times of incidents

What happened

How it affected you


This is extremely important.

Do NOT confront them yourself especially since you have said one of their friend's is aggressive. Let the university and those in charge handle them.

If you ever feel unsafe in the moment I would suggest communicating with campus security.

Hygiene Issues

What you have listed are genuine health hazards. Accommodation staff can issue:

Cleaning warnings

Inspections

Fines

Interventions


They are absolutely open to these.

And as for feeling emotionally affected. I think speaking to:

University counselling

Student Support Services

Samaritans (if you feel overwhelmed)


You absolutely do not have to struggle alone. This situations is far from hopeless. You have power and protections.

I wish you all the best in this situation. Let me know if you need any more help. 🙂

Ru
BCU student rep.

Reply 11

Original post
by Anonymous
Hi all. I am a first year uni student living on halls, and I have 4 flatmates. One of them is perfectly fine, but the other three are quite disrespectful to me. At first it was just ignoring me and the odd comment. But now they are banging on my door, yelling my name and bringing their friends in on it as well. They come back from clubs at 3am with all their friends, and bang and shout at my door whilst making fun of my name for 2 hours straight. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t feel safe anymore due to how aggressive one of their friends is. I am constantly ostracised and belittled by them. They leave the kitchen a mess (mould, flies, dirty dishes etc.) and don’t give me any fridge space. It’s almost two months into uni and I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been missing a lot of lectures due to a lack of sleep, and I only feel safe and comfortable in the flat when they’re all gone for their lectures. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what to do.

Hey!

That sounds absolutely awful, and I’m really sorry you’re going through it. I’ve never been in this exact situation, but I can completely sympathise with how draining and frightening it must feel..especially when your own living space stops feeling safe. No one should have to put up with that.

Your uni will take this seriously, so the first thing I’d suggest is contacting your accommodation team and telling them everything that’s been happening…the banging on your door, the shouting, the mess, the lack of fridge space, and the fact you don’t feel safe. You’re completely within your rights to ask about moving rooms or flats!

It would also be a good idea to speak to the wellbeing or student support team. They can offer emotional support but also back you up when talking to accommodation, and could potentially help push things along quicker if there’s a safety or wellbeing concern.

You should also consider reporting their behaviour through your uni’s misconduct or accommodation behaviour channels. What they’re doing isn’t harmless or “just annoying flatmates”… it’s harassment, and the university needs to be aware of it.

If you can, keep any evidence… times they’ve banged on your door, recordings of noise, anything like that. You don’t need proof to ask for help, but it can make things easier if the uni takes formal action.
And make sure you’re talking to someone you trust so you’re not dealing with all of this alone. It’s incredibly stressful, and having support makes a huge difference.

You don’t need to live like this for the rest of the year. I’m sure people get moved for far smaller issues, so don’t feel like you’re stuck or being dramatic. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable where you live, and the right people at your uni can help make that happen.

Good luck, I hope you get moved soon and feel happier when you do! Sophie 🙂

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