Student life
We’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Hey,
I feel you on this. I went through something similar at the start of my first year at uni. It felt like everyone instantly had their little groups except me, which made me question if I was doing something wrong. But over time it got better, and things shifted in ways I didn’t really expect. I ended up meeting some of my friends in unconventional ways, like having an all nighter and studying for a deadline in the uni library.
If it helps, you’re definitely not the only one who feels like this. A lot of friendships at uni form out of convenience in the first few weeks, not necessarily real compatibility. It’s totally okay if your pace looks different.
Also, it’s understandable to feel discouraged after being left out of group chats, but those situations reflect more on the environment/ timing than on you as a person. Meaningful friendships at university often take a bit longer to build too.
Things do eventually change. Sometimes the best connections come later in the year, when everyone’s initial “panic/ convenience friendships” calm down, and people start socialising with others more.
Good luck, you got this, and thank you for having the courage to open up about it.
Sabina
Reply 2
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Hi @Anonymous 👋
Hope you are well. This is completely normal! It takes time to make friends so don't feel discouraged because of that. Some people only start to make friends in second and third year even! For me, i met a lot of people in my first year but then didn't talk to much of them in second and made only close friends in second year. Don't worry so much about it, it will be fine 😊
Essex Student Rep- Lavanya 💜
Reply 3
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing - I know it can be really hard in first year, especially when you see other friend groups forming around you. Without trying to say that how you feel doesn't matter, I think it's worth saying that this happens to a lot of people and you're probably not the only person experiencing the same thing right now!
Have you thought about joining any societies at uni? It's a great way to meet new people with shared interests, so might make that first conversation a bit easier if you have a shared hobby or something. I know it can feel awkward joining a society halfway through a semester, but in my own society we get people joining at all times of year, and it is nice to be constantly meeting new people rather than just having an intake after freshers fair!
If you'd rather wait, then a lot of universities have another mini freshers fair (some call it a 're-freshers' fair) at the start of semester 2, which gets a lot of new people joining societies at the beginning of sem 2 - it would be worth checking what your uni does.
As well, see what events your SU runs throughout the year. At LJMU, our SU has lots of events throughout the year, in reading week and for halloween and we're about to plan lots of festive activities. Those events are also a nice way to meet new people and also do some fun activities or try something new!
My advice is just to keep putting yourself out there, even though it might seem really hard and 'useless'. Keep talking to people in lectures, go to those random events and just see what happens! A lot of the friends I made at uni, I met in second or third year, so don't worry too much (definitely easier said than done) :/
I wish you the best of luck! If you're starting to really feel down about it, then please speak to someone - your uni should have an advice or wellbeing service that you would be able to talk to, so don't hesitate to get in touch with them (it's what they're there for)
Jorja (LJMU Student Rep)
Thank you for sharing - I know it can be really hard in first year, especially when you see other friend groups forming around you. Without trying to say that how you feel doesn't matter, I think it's worth saying that this happens to a lot of people and you're probably not the only person experiencing the same thing right now!
Have you thought about joining any societies at uni? It's a great way to meet new people with shared interests, so might make that first conversation a bit easier if you have a shared hobby or something. I know it can feel awkward joining a society halfway through a semester, but in my own society we get people joining at all times of year, and it is nice to be constantly meeting new people rather than just having an intake after freshers fair!
If you'd rather wait, then a lot of universities have another mini freshers fair (some call it a 're-freshers' fair) at the start of semester 2, which gets a lot of new people joining societies at the beginning of sem 2 - it would be worth checking what your uni does.
As well, see what events your SU runs throughout the year. At LJMU, our SU has lots of events throughout the year, in reading week and for halloween and we're about to plan lots of festive activities. Those events are also a nice way to meet new people and also do some fun activities or try something new!
My advice is just to keep putting yourself out there, even though it might seem really hard and 'useless'. Keep talking to people in lectures, go to those random events and just see what happens! A lot of the friends I made at uni, I met in second or third year, so don't worry too much (definitely easier said than done) :/
I wish you the best of luck! If you're starting to really feel down about it, then please speak to someone - your uni should have an advice or wellbeing service that you would be able to talk to, so don't hesitate to get in touch with them (it's what they're there for)
Jorja (LJMU Student Rep)
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. I completely understand how you feel and I didn't meet my close friends until I was in second year so there is still time to find your people. I found that a lot of friendships in first year are just because you live together and they often don't last as long as friendships formed other ways so try not to worry too much although I know how hard it can be.
I know it has been said here, but I would think about joining some societies. I don't know if you have looked already or tried, but they are good ways of meeting people and making friends with people who are quite similar to you and you also get to do something fun too. January is quite a good time to join as lots of people will join around this time so have a look now and maybe think about joining one.
Looking on social media is also a good idea too as you can often meet people on here that you wouldn't otherwise meet. Have a look and see if there are any group chats on Facebook for your course or your uni in general as there may be some here where you can chat to some new people!
It may also be a good idea to have a look and see if the SU at your uni puts any events on as these are good ways of meeting lots of new people and doing something fun. There are usually lots of events at every uni so it is worth having a look and seeing if there are any you like the sound of.
One other thing that you might not think of is to look at clubs outside of your uni. There are often sports clubs or sometimes craft clubs in places so have a look and see if there are any as they are fun and I have met people by doing this. Even though they are not at your uni, it is still nice to have people you know in the city/town you are living in!
I hope things improve for you soon,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
I just want to say that what you’re going through is so much more common than many of us admit. Felt the same halfway through my first uni year. Don't worry, dude. Some friendships can come later through course mates and societies. And hey, you're not behind (socially), not weird, too.
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Hi there,
I am sorry to hear about your struggles in adjusting to uni life and making friends. I totally get you as I was in a similar situation in my first year of uni. Though I had a few people I was speaking to, it was only towards the middle of my 2nd year where I found people that I really clicked with by joining a society and through my part time job working in uni 🤗!
These things do take time and some friendships don't always work out at first. Joining a society or one off student union campus events is a great way to expand your social circle and meet people outside of your usual course of study!
It may seem awkward and uncomfortable at first but that is totally normal and it takes time to break the ice and build lasting friendships. Are there people in your class you can ask to study with? Have you looked at any societies that pique your interest?
Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in your university journey! 🥳
Zhi En
(Kingston Student Rep.)
(edited 2 weeks ago)
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousWe’re basically half way through the academic year and I haven’t made any friends. Is that normal? I don’t really talk to my flatmates. The girls go out but never invited me and the flat made a group chat without me at the start of the year even tho I wrote my socials down on the sheet they told us to. I have one girl but we only hang out on Tuesdays since we have no other lesson together and we went out once but last time we talked she was mad that this other guy in her building was asking to go on her flat’s night out so that’s a no go I guess. Everyone was like “it’s normal everyone is in the same boat” at the start but everyone seems to have found someone to hang out with. I spend all my time either at the library or in lessons or in my room/kitchen. This girl on the night out (2 weeks into the year btw) who is doing a semester abroad said she really wanted to experience the uni culture of the UK because she did a semester abroad in Italy and she said she would just go to lessons and then go back to her room. That there was people she would occasionally hang with during lessons but just out of convenience. She went on about how it’s so different here but I recently remembered that conversation and that’s literally my life. And my mum and sister always wanna call and I just do but it just makes me feel worse. I still text my friends from secondary and that’s great and I plan to meet up with them next time we’re all in town but that’s like 1-2 hours of a 24 hour day. I don’t know I get this is long winded I probably just needed to vent but is there anyone who experienced something similar?
Hi there,
I agree with the good points already shared, but I wanted to add just one more thing that worked for me.
When I felt like I had missed the start-of-year rush and didn't want to join a big society alone, I started looking for one-off events or short training sessions run by the university. These aren't the big social events. I mean things like a three-hour "Study Skills Workshop" or something like that.
These events put a bunch of people together who don't know each other yet, and you have a clear reason to talk because you are working on a task together. Since everyone is new to that specific activity, you don't feel like you are walking into an existing clique, and you always leave with at least two or three new names to message later. It's a simple way to meet people without any long-term pressure.
Take care,
Ilya,
Cyber Security student at De Montfort University
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