getting caught

hi i am in university and from quite a strict brown household, i had a few nights out but my parents found pictures from the nights out and my extended family have also been giving my mum and dad ****- they do not trust me anymore and have even installed cameras in my accom to keep an eye on me- i do not know what to do because i did not even smoke or drink when i went out- i really need advice how to build their trust again because it is my first year and i want to still have fun but they will not understand this. any advice will be immensely appreciated

Reply 1

PurpleDiva

14

Hey there,
I can only imagine how difficult this must be. It's a really heavy situation to be dealing with, especially during your first year of university. You are dealing with a complex clash of cultures, privacy invasion (those cameras are a huge issue), and the need for independence.

1. Start with an apology for their distress, not your actions.
You may not feel you did anything wrong by going out, but your parents are clearly feeling a lot of stress and "shame" because of the extended family. Acknowledge that feeling first to get them to listen.

•

Try saying this: "Mom and Dad, I want to apologize for the worry and stress I've caused you, especially with the extended family situation. I understand seeing those pictures was alarming and upsetting for you."

•

Avoid saying: "I did nothing wrong, so you shouldn't be mad."

2. Educate, don't argue, about university life.
They might have an outdated or extreme view of what happens on a night out. Calmly explain your reality.

•

Try saying this: "Going to social gatherings with friends is a very normal part of university life here, important for making friends and building a network. I was not smoking or drinking; I was just with my friends. The pictures just show me hanging out."

3. Propose a modern, transparent compromise instead of cameras.
The cameras are a massive breach of privacy. You need to propose an alternative that makes them feel secure while giving you your space back.

•

Try saying this: "I feel having cameras in my accommodation makes me feel untrusted. I want to build that trust back differently. Would you be comfortable if I used a location-sharing app with you, like Google Maps location sharing? You can see where I am in real-time, and I can promise to always text you when I reach my destination and when I am heading back."

4. Overcommunicate your responsibility.
Show them you are a serious adult by excelling in the areas you know they care about (academics).

•

Try doing this: Proactively share good news about your studies. Mention your grades, a paper you did well on, or a project you are working on. This builds confidence in your overall judgement.

5. Be extremely patient and consistent.
This trust won't rebuild overnight. For the next few months, you may have to follow slightly stricter rules to show you are reliable.

•

Try doing this: Be on time, follow through on promises, and check in when you say you will. Consistency is your best friend right now. It takes time for that anxiety to fade away for them.

It's a tough road ahead, but approaching it with empathy and practical solutions is likely your best bet. Good luck.

Reply 2

Kingston Sarah

Official Rep

13

Original post

by Anonymous

hi i am in university and from quite a strict brown household, i had a few nights out but my parents found pictures from the nights out and my extended family have also been giving my mum and dad ****- they do not trust me anymore and have even installed cameras in my accom to keep an eye on me- i do not know what to do because i did not even smoke or drink when i went out- i really need advice how to build their trust again because it is my first year and i want to still have fun but they will not understand this. any advice will be immensely appreciated

Hello,

I am very sorry you’re going through this, it is devastating to have your privacy breached like this. Have you tried filing a report to the police if that person has been blackmailing/threatening you?
As for your parents, generally they will always have your back and deep down they must also understand that you’ve just started university and It’s normal to get curious and want to try the night life. You should explain to them that although you went out out of curiosity, you still didn’t drink or smoke and that you really appreciate their love and support and you’ll work hard not to break their trust. The trust will eventually be rebuilt, it just needs time so don’t overly stress about the situation.

All the best
-Sarah (Kingston Rep)

Reply 3

Kuriknowsbest98

17

Original post

by Anonymous

hi i am in university and from quite a strict brown household, i had a few nights out but my parents found pictures from the nights out and my extended family have also been giving my mum and dad ****- they do not trust me anymore and have even installed cameras in my accom to keep an eye on me- i do not know what to do because i did not even smoke or drink when i went out- i really need advice how to build their trust again because it is my first year and i want to still have fun but they will not understand this. any advice will be immensely appreciated

Since you are in uni you don’t really have to listen to them. You can try and have a conversation with them about wanting more freedom and space.

getting caught

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Articles for you

How The Student Room is moderated