The Student Room Group

My boyfriend broke up with me during year 13

Hi guys I need your help. This was my first relationship and we’ve been together for almost a year. Literally a month away from our first anniversary but anyway. Our relationship was amazing and I can’t say one bad thing about him. However, he just got hired by a cafe at the beginning of November which I was very proud of him but they made him work crazy hours and during his A-levels too. His A-level subjects are quite hard so that means he spends a lot of time revising because his parents are also very strict. This led to us barely having any time to see each other but we still text every day.

After 2 weeks into his new job, I tried asking him to meet up and every time he turned down the plans. I regretted my actions so badly as I tend to get mad at him and be dismissive. One evening I tried to ask him to meet up again at a different time and date which he said he was not sure if he could make it. I said β€œforget it” and I went on about how I used to work the same amount of hours as him last month and I still managed to made time for him and stuff. But the thing is I get like 2 hours break in between and that's when we see each other but in his case, he only gets 30 minutes and we also work on the same day so the time window crashes.

He then broke up with me with the reason that he could not balance work, getting good grades and maintain a healthy relationship at the same time so he decided to just end the relationship. I didn't know how to act at first because this was my first breakup so I tried begging for him to change his mind (ik I’m such an idiot) but he did not give in. I was crying for 2 days straight. This is day 3 and I feel a bit better. But I still wanted him back…. I ask him if he would come back after A-level is done and he said he’s not sure… GUYS I WANT HIM BACKKK WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Reply 1

Original post
by Pickledbeans
Hi guys I need your help. This was my first relationship and we’ve been together for almost a year. Literally a month away from our first anniversary but anyway. Our relationship was amazing and I can’t say one bad thing about him. However, he just got hired by a cafe at the beginning of November which I was very proud of him but they made him work crazy hours and during his A-levels too. His A-level subjects are quite hard so that means he spends a lot of time revising because his parents are also very strict. This led to us barely having any time to see each other but we still text every day.
After 2 weeks into his new job, I tried asking him to meet up and every time he turned down the plans. I regretted my actions so badly as I tend to get mad at him and be dismissive. One evening I tried to ask him to meet up again at a different time and date which he said he was not sure if he could make it. I said β€œforget it” and I went on about how I used to work the same amount of hours as him last month and I still managed to made time for him and stuff. But the thing is I get like 2 hours break in between and that's when we see each other but in his case, he only gets 30 minutes and we also work on the same day so the time window crashes.
He then broke up with me with the reason that he could not balance work, getting good grades and maintain a healthy relationship at the same time so he decided to just end the relationship. I didn't know how to act at first because this was my first breakup so I tried begging for him to change his mind (ik I’m such an idiot) but he did not give in. I was crying for 2 days straight. This is day 3 and I feel a bit better. But I still wanted him back…. I ask him if he would come back after A-level is done and he said he’s not sure… GUYS I WANT HIM BACKKK WHAT SHOULD I DO??

That is so so tough im sorry that you are having to go through that! Year 13 is subjectively one of the hardest years of peoples lifes so its just something you have to live through. Try not to put all your energy into trying to get him to change his mind as you still need to be focusing on alevels and prioritising yourself just as he is. Sometimes being selfish is okay, im not saying forget about him- i cant even imagine how hard this is for you. But try focusing on doing things with your friends, family and sports/hobbies. What are some other sources of comfort that you may have overlooked while being in a relationship?
Since your relationship was so solid, you could naturally come back together after alevels. But from personal experience thats not always the case and this might just be the end of your journey together.
Have you tried putting yourself in his shoes? Its easy to get overwhelmed with so much emotion. But wouldnt it have been worse if he didnt break up with you and became a bad boyfriend- not giving you the attention you deserve but also not giving you the closure to focus on other things, wasting all your energy on trying to rebuild the relationship when he just isnt in the right place of his life.
I hope you are doing okay x

Reply 2

Thank you so much! I’ll prioritise myself as much as possible, you’ve helped a lot ❀️❀️ thank youu

Reply 3

Breakups are never easy, and your first breakup after nearly a year of being together is always going to be very difficult. You've been given the right advice on how to cope with it. Prioritise yourself, be kind to yourself, involve yourself in other things and spend time with other people. That's not to forget him. You clearly have some good memories with him and you shouldn't try to change that. But it's to help with this process of moving on from the relationship. It will be difficult and it will take time regardless of what you do. But focusing on yourself will help.

Broadly, it does sound like he's made a mature decision. You shouldn't blame yourself for this. I know it's not what you wanted, but he's clearly communicated is reasons for ending the relationship, and objectively those reasons sound fair. It would be a good idea to give yourself a bit of space from him for now, just to help with that process of moving on, but there's no reason why you can't still be in contact and still be friends after that. And yes, it may be that further down the line you may both in a better place and the relationship can start again. But that's not something you can plan for now, and it's not something you should expect or obsess over. Take things one step at a time and just see what happens. But don't be concerned about any of the emotions you're feeling right now, including desperately wanting him back. They're all perfectly normal, they take time to process, and you should give yourself that time. Things feel awful at the moment but you'll get there eventually.

Reply 4

Original post
by Crazy Jamie
Breakups are never easy, and your first breakup after nearly a year of being together is always going to be very difficult. You've been given the right advice on how to cope with it. Prioritise yourself, be kind to yourself, involve yourself in other things and spend time with other people. That's not to forget him. You clearly have some good memories with him and you shouldn't try to change that. But it's to help with this process of moving on from the relationship. It will be difficult and it will take time regardless of what you do. But focusing on yourself will help.
Broadly, it does sound like he's made a mature decision. You shouldn't blame yourself for this. I know it's not what you wanted, but he's clearly communicated is reasons for ending the relationship, and objectively those reasons sound fair. It would be a good idea to give yourself a bit of space from him for now, just to help with that process of moving on, but there's no reason why you can't still be in contact and still be friends after that. And yes, it may be that further down the line you may both in a better place and the relationship can start again. But that's not something you can plan for now, and it's not something you should expect or obsess over. Take things one step at a time and just see what happens. But don't be concerned about any of the emotions you're feeling right now, including desperately wanting him back. They're all perfectly normal, they take time to process, and you should give yourself that time. Things feel awful at the moment but you'll get there eventually.
Thank you so much!

Reply 5

Original post
by Pickledbeans
Thank you so much! I’ll prioritise myself as much as possible, you’ve helped a lot ❀️❀️ thank youu
Im glad! How was today? Did you do anything fun that took your mind off it? Some self care this weekend maybe? Xx

Reply 6

Original post
by Maggierose98
Im glad! How was today? Did you do anything fun that took your mind off it? Some self care this weekend maybe? Xx

Ngl I've been just workingg and the pain is slowly going awayy ❀️*🩹

Quick Reply

How The Student Room is moderated

To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.