LNAT LAW essay first attempt any feedback much appreciated.

first attempt, completed under exam conditions- timed, unseen. any help much appreciated

Wearing a burkha in Western countries is just as offensive as wearing a bikini in Arab countries. Do you agree?
In a cultural landscape seemingly defined by our differences, comparing the implications of our societies rules can lead to highly controversial discussions surrounding religion, sex, and misogyny. To question and attempt to measure “offensiveness”, we must first look at the reasoning behind both the offending, and why people may feel offended.

Take the bikini, in the western world, a staple of any trip to the beach. The clothing is so inherently normalised that it would look weird to the Westerner if they were to see a woman on the beach, on a sunny day, wearing anything but one. Despite its revealing nature, there would be no judgement from the average person in the West, much less so than if they were seen wearing a bra and underwear. The hypocrisy of the West can already be seen here, if someone wore nothing but a bra in public, they would face immediate shame, labelled a (no swears allowed). Wear a bikini though, and you are not shamed with such grotesque labels. It is evident that the wearing of bikinis in the west is slightly out of line with their own societal norms, nonetheless no great harm is caused by it.

So, why would the same behaviour be offensive in an Arab country? Would they too not understand that certain rules apply to the beach? Why shouldn’t they enjoy the sight of a bikini? In Arab countries, an overwhelming majority of the population are Muslim, thus their societal norms reflect this. Islamic law suggests that women should be extremely modest, showing no body. Some subcultures require the covering of everything but the eyes, by wearing the burkha. Others allow for just a hijab, others do not require any head covering. Those who wear the Burkha do so out of devotion to Islam. Those who wear a bikini do so out of devotion to tan lines. Based on Islamic views, it is no shock to imagine that wearing clothing as revealing as a bikini, similar to underwear, would be considered highly offensive. To go against the fundamental rules of Islam would be seen as utter disrespect, seemingly with no requirement. There is no need to wear a bikini, plenty of alternatives are available to wear to the beach. Why not wear a swimming T-Shirt? Whether or not you agree with Islamic Law is irrelevant, it is crystal clear to see why offense would be taken. Not only social, but too religious rules have been violated.

The burkha, a religious item of clothing, covering all but the eyes. Typically worn by Islamic women, as part of their devotion. Why could wearing one in the Western world be deemed as offensive? Firstly, it rejects societal norms, the majority of Western countries are Christian countries. However, is going against societal norms always offensive? If i wake up, and put on a pair of yellow trousers, instead of my typical blue jeans, this rejects societal norms, but is it inherently offensive? There is no law against yellow trousers, the Bible does not require blue trousers, the Bible does not speak against my yellow trousers. It seems, from a religious aspect, my yellow trousers are perfectly acceptable. This too is the case with the burkha, the Bible doesn’t suggest we should wear the burkha, yet it too does not reject it. Still, many would have an objection to the wearing of the burkha. Many argue that it violates the rights of women and forces them to conform to strict rules that violate the Westerns view of equality. While, in my opinion, many aspects of Islamic culture are oppressive towards women, I am unsure that it can be proved this is one of them. Unless given reason to believe otherwise, we should expect that these women are fully consenting in their wearing of the burkha, if this is the case, who are the Westerners to tell her she cant wear it? How would a Mormon feel if they were expected to remove their under layers when they entered an Arab country?

In each case, the offense seems to be caused by cultural differing’s. It is not normal to show so much body in Arab countries, it is not normal to cover so much of the face in the West. As a member of Western society, my cultural expectations are inherently bias. When measuring the offensiveness this should not come into consideration however. Since Christianity and Islam are the two leading religions in the West and in Arab countries respectively, their rules must come into consideration. The Quran suggests that women should not show much of their body in public. The Bible makes no such comment on the bhurka. Therefore, to the people of each society, wearing a bikini is more offensive. The direct violation means that those who follow Islam will feel much more disrespected than Christians should by the burkha. Bikinis are not a part of Christianity, they are simply a result of pop culture across the west over time. Therefore, to not wear a bikini is not an ask that disrespects Christianity, asking someone to remove the burkha is, however. Overall it is clear that despite potential concerns about the treatment of the women in both cases, it is still more offensive to violate Islamic law and wear a bikini.

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Reply 40

Stiffy Byng

By the way, did you know that in France it is illegal to wear a Burqa in public? Vive la France! France also bans state funding of religious schools. Vive la France!

The LNAT essay is mainly about reasoning skills, and not about content, so we shouldn't get too bogged down in this, but, as noted above, it's best to opine on subjects which you know something about. Wading in to controversy is fine, but bone up on the issues first.

I am, as you may have gathered, an ardent Atheist and Secularist. All religions are in my view deplorable. Islam happens to be the most deplorable, oppressive, and violent religion at present, but all religions have a rocky past. Even Buddhism has incited violence at times. A plague on all religions!

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 41

adess.18

Hey, I would just like to recommend that if you want LNAT essays marked, that you ask humanities teachers at your school to mark them. I do think that encouragement and kindness is also an essential part of improving, not just bluntness. There is a time and a place for both in my opinion.

With that being said, really good attempt! Keep going and practicing. You’ll smash it!!

Reply 42

Dolce Vita

Original post

by Stiffy Byng

OP, learn how to use paragraphs. A big block of text is not easy on the eye and brain.
Write short sentences. Write short paragraphs. Avoid adverbs and adjectives. Use the active voice. Argue no more than five points. Better still, argue no more than three points.
To write well, read well. Read C19 and C20 literary fiction. Read late C19 and early C20 appellate judgments. Read Lord Atkin, Lord Denning, Lord Justice Laws, Lord Justice Sedley, Lord Justice Moses, and Lord Sumption. Read The Economist and the FT. Read the essays of George Orwell and Christopher Hitchens. If you know Latin, read Caesar and Cicero in Latin. Or read them in translation. Read Thucydides in the Rex Warner translation.
Throw away your essay. It's no good. Go back to the starting point and try again. Keep practising. Get better. Good luck.

There are few people on here with either the ability or the inclination to provide feedback and support at this level!

Reply 43

Stiffy Byng

Original post

by adess.18

Hey, I would just like to recommend that if you want LNAT essays marked, that you ask humanities teachers at your school to mark them. I do think that encouragement and kindness is also an essential part of improving, not just bluntness. There is a time and a place for both in my opinion.
With that being said, really good attempt! Keep going and practicing. You’ll smash it!!