Heres my short story please give me feedback and Opions.(its pretty long read)

More Than a Simple Moment
By Raylee White
Autum:
Personality- Artist + daydreamer, Gamer gremlin energy, Walking detention slip, Social butterfly, Volcano-level emotions, Chaotic but lovable, Loud, dramatic, bold, Makes friends everywhere
Habits/Behavior- Doodles on everything, Forgets homework but remembers memes, Climbs things she shouldn’t, Starts talking and does not stop, Gets in trouble for “creative reinterpretations of school rules”, Can make ANYONE laugh.
Strengths- Creativity EXPLOSION, Leadership energy, Loyal to the bone, Big imagination, Brave, even when she shouldn’t be
Weaknesses- Impulsive, Easily distracted, Accidentally causes chaos, Gets overwhelmed by strong feelings
Interests- Art, Games, Making people laugh, Music, Literally anything exciting
Amber:
Personality- Scientist brain, Logic-robot vibes, Honor student, Quiet wallflower, Iceberg emotions, Calm, observant, thoughtful, “I don’t do drama” energy
Habits/Behavior- Writes everything in a neat planner, Corrects teachers (politely), Always knows the homework, Reads at lunch, Needs silence to think, Stares at chaos like “why.”
Strengths- Problem solving, Super organized, Patient, Smart as HECK, Responsible twin™
Weaknesses- Doesn’t open up easily, Gets stressed easily, Overthinks, Social situations = exhausting
Interests- Science experiments, Robotics, Books, Taking notes, Being invisible in class
Chapter One- The Hard Wakeup
Autum woke up, her hair flying everywhere, like you could see her hair no matter where you looked.
“5 more minutes” Autum groaned, throwing her pillow on her head.
“Statistically if you wait 5 more minutes you will be about 65% more likely to be late for the development of children learning” Amber her sister said peeking through Autum’s door.
“Ffffiiiiiinnnnneeeee” Autum slurred. Dragging herself out of bed. Autum walked to her mirror, her eyes mostly closed. She brushed her hair mostly (which didn’t help at ALL). Autum walked down the stairs into the kitchen. She poured her cereal and took a few scoops of it. She looked at the clock.
“7:48’” She thought.
“WAIT 7:48” She thought out loud.
“Crap” She thought.
“The bell rings in 2 minutes” She shoved a few more scoops of cereal in her mouth and sprinted out the door. She sprinted the 5 blocks to school. When the school was in sight the bell rang. She ran inside the school the moment the late bell rang.
“OH, NO” She thought out loud. Autum ran to her locker, she threw her backpack in her locker, and sprinted to her classroom.
“I’m here” she gasped.
“Your LATE!” Autum’s math teacher Mrs. Archer, who absolutely hated Autum.
“Sorry” Autum mumbled. She walked and sat down next to Amber.
“Told you, that statistically if you slept in 5 more minutes you had a 65% likely chance of being late with how late your alarm is set anyway” Amber whispered back pushing back her imaginary glasses.
“Oh shut your science hole” Autum snapped back. As Mrs. Archer droned on about plane geometry, Autum doodled in her notebook instead of taking notes.
Chapter Two- The Ask
As Autum and Amber sat next to each other their identical faces right next to each other waiting for their Art teacher Mr. Fitz to begin class. So far only Autum and Amber were in the classroom-until Evan, a cute guy that plays soccer and always has grass, and bruises on his shins (which Autum totally had a crush on). He walked in green eyes locked on either Autum or Amber. Evan walked to Amber with confidence.
“Hey Autum” he said to Amber.
“Will you go to the fall dance with me?” “No,” Amber answered.
“Startisticicly you asked the wrong twin and if I did the math and science right, we are about only 5% compatible and probably not even 5% probably -9999%”. Evan backed away and ran out the door.
“WHY DID YOU DO THAT” Autum yelled at Amber.
“He asked the question; I answered,” Amber answered.
“WELL HE WANTED TO ASK ME” Autum yelled back.
“YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID WRONG TWIN NOT GO INTO A FULL PRESENTATION OF HOW YOU AREN'T COMPATIBLE".
“Fine I’m sorry” Amber replied. But before Autum could answer Evan walked back in face red. He set a note on Autum’s desk. Before Autum could even process, Evan full on soccer sprinted out of the room. Autum grabbed the note and opened it:
“Hey will you go to the fall dance with me
Text me your answer-
768-748-2679”
Chapter 3 - The Texts
Autum’s heart skipped a beat, typing in Evan’s number.
Autum: “Hey it Autum”
Evan: “OH hey Autum I had no idea if you were even gonna text be at ALL”
Autum: “Well I did and by the way with your offer, yes I would love to go to the fall dance with you”
Evan: “Thanks! I can ask my mom…er dad to pick you up on the way”
Autum: “Can I tell you something?”
Evan: “SURE! Anything👍”
Autum:“ I hear people call me weird, and pick me, and an attention seeker behind my back”
Evan: “Well they are stupied to believe that, also I have to tell you something to”
Autum: “Shoot ”
Evan:“My parents are divorced and it's hard because my mom moved out with my little sister”
Autum: “Well I’ll help you get through it “
Evan: “ I have to go to bed now, Goodnight”
Autum: “Night”
Chapter 4 - The Dance
Autum stood in her mirror looking at her fall leaves printed dress. She walked into Amber’s room to see that Amber was on her bed wearing a sweatshirt and leggings casually reading one of those thick science textbooks.
“What are you doing? Don’t you want to go to the dance?” Autum asked.
“No,” Amber answered calmly.
“I find expressing my emotions in body language………strange”
“One, it's called dancing. Two, well I guess have fun reading those weirdly thick books” Autum answered. She walked out of her door to see Evan’s dad’s car pulling up. Evan rolled down the back seat window and waved to her. She jumped in the car next to Evan.
“So Autum” Evan’s dad began.
“What do you see in Evan?” He asked.
“Well…..” Autum started feeling like she was choking.
“Well, first of all he plays soccer and I love soccer and uh…..he’s caring and nice and not too worried about his looks because I have seen him walking in and out of the field after soccer practice, and boy there is a difference.”
“Nice,” Evan’s dad said.
“Well this is our stop it was very nice to meet you Autum”
“Thank you Mr. Wright,” Autum said.
“Oh please call me Adam” He said as he drove away.
“Sorry about my dad, he likes to pry,” Evan said.
“OH Shut Up and let's dance” Autum said, pulling him into the gym. They danced, they laughed and it was a great night.
*6 years later*
Chapter 5 - The Proposal
It was high school graduation, parents crying, students hugging teachers, hats flying. Autum was standing alone holding her degree in art. “Where is Evan?” She thought; searching through the crowd. She turned around and saw him in his navy blue graduation gown, holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Evan” Autum breathed.
“I thought you left”
“I did,” Evan replied.
“To get something as valuable as you.” He grabbed a small black box, and went down on one knee.
“Autum Pixie Chase you have been by my side since we were 12 I know I won’t give you a rich or perfect life but I want to give you a good one, will you marry me?” Autum started tearing up.
“YES” She said.
“100% yes” Evan took the ring out of its box and slid it on her finger. Everyone started clapping and cheering. Evan picked Autum up and kissed her. Everyone cheered and screamed. Evan’s mom came up behind him.
“MOM!” Evan yelled as he hugged her tightly.
“Why are you here?” He asked.
“I couldn't miss seeing my baby graduate school” She said, kissing him on the cheek.
“Mom, this is Autum” Evan said, bringing Autum next to him.
“It’s very nice to meet you,” Autum said politely.
“Let's get a photo taken,” Evan offered. Everyone in Evan’s and Autum’s families squeezed in for a picture. None of them knew their story was just beginning.

Only thing I can give you is that you tell what’s happening instead of showing it. For example, you tell us that Autumn is seen as a weird kid, but we never see reason as to why she is. While yes, her behaviour can bring attention, it’s not necessarily attention-seeking, and there’s almost no hints that she’s a “weird” kid.
Don’t get me wrong, telling info in a story is not necessarily a bad thing to do! But the thing is, not everyone tells the truth all the time. Like, I could say that I have a secret portal to Mars in my wardrobe, but that’s not necessarily true - unless I can (somehow!) prove it. If a character is fighting, don’t just directly tell us “[character] is fighting”. Describe how they punch, kick, defend themselves, etc. If a character plays or likes basketball, describe how they play basketball, or what kind of clothes they wear, or if they have a picture of LeBron James in their locker, etc etc.
Long story short: don’t always tell, make sure to show as well! I hope this helps!

so for example something like this- "Autum sqeezed her first in anger"