Missing the way things used to be before I came to uni
I have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Reply 1
Original post
by LilacfernI have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Hi,
I completely understand how you’re feeling. I can relate to this as a third-year student, I’ve felt the same sense of missing a stage of life and the way things used to be. It’s normal to miss routines, people, and even the version of yourself before moving out and becoming more independent.
It makes sense that home and university don’t feel the same yet, and that feeling in-between is part of adjusting to this new chapter. It can feel strange because you’re evolving, growing into a new version of yourself and it takes time to get used to.
Wishing you all the best,
Tayba
Student Rep
Reply 2
Original post
by LilacfernI have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Hey @Lilacfern,
It's quite common to look back at the stages in our lives and wish we could live through them again. Starting university is a huge change for many students - after all, it's often the first time you're living away from home - and it's understandable that you may want some of the normalcy you once had back.
I felt a lot of pressure in my first year of undergrad to finally be 'an adult', but looking back most of that pressure was self-imposed. The way my friends and family members viewed me hadn't changed; the only difference was I lived a bit further away from them for parts of the year.
You summed it up perfectly yourself: you don't know who this new you is. But you will find it in time, and that sense of being at home where you are will come. In the grand scheme of things, three months isn't very long at all - try not to be too hard on yourself for not feeling fully at home yet. 🙂
Hope this helps,
Eve (Kingston Rep).
Reply 3
Original post
by LilacfernI have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Hey there!
What you're describing is sort of homesickness for a time - the routines, friendships, and the version of yourself thar felt simpler. Lots of us go through that "in-between" stage where home doesn't feel the same but uni doesn't quite feel like home yet either. It's unsettling, but it is part of adjusting. Just remember, you don't need to 'know' your new self yet and cut out the uncertainty (nostalgia hits hardest when there's no settlement like routines, friendships). In time, you won't feel stuck between two versions of yourself forever.
Good luck!
Innaya,
MMU Student Rep x
Reply 4
Original post
by LilacfernI have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Hi there,
I completely understand how you feel. I can definitely relate to the feeling of missing how things used to be, but once you get used to uni life and that the is the next stage, you will start to feel better about it. There will be a time where you finish uni and miss how life used to be at uni, so try and enjoy things as you come across them as much as you can.
I found that once I found my feet at uni and started to get a bit more into a routine, I missed life before uni less and less! It really did help me to establish a routine as I sort of got used to how life at uni is which made me miss life before uni less.
I find these in between stages in life hard - I have started my masters and am missing how life was in my undergrad and being with my friends, but I am starting to get used to this now too. It's hard when you feel as though you are in the middle of two stages but it does get better.
It sounds like you have loads of lovely memories of being at school/college and you will make just as great memories at uni too so try and remember this!
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 5
Original post
by LilacfernI have been at university for nearly 3 months and although I've made plenty of new friends and settled in well, and I get to go home for many weekends, I still miss the way things used to be, i miss a stage in my life I know I can never live again. I miss living at home full time, the same as I've done my whole life. Even when I go back on weekends it's not the same now I'm an adult. Because I've changed it just doesn't feel the same. Although I no longer get homesick in a sense of missing my home or my family as much, I am homesick for the way I used to feel at home because somehow now I've moved out, going back just doesn't feel the same.
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
I miss the way I used to feel at school with my friends, when we were all together.
I miss not having to be an adult. I miss being naive and looked after and rarely stressed, and I miss having lower expectations of me. I feel like everyone, including myself, has so much higher expectations of me that I feel like I always just barely measure up to.
It's not that I'm not having a good time at uni, it's just that it scares me that I can never truly go back to my old life, when I hadn't yet experienced being an adult and moving out, and all my friends still lived in the same town and went to the same school instead of being spread across the country. For the first few weeks of uni I was homesick - I missed home and my parents and my friends. But now I've settled in more, it's more about missing a feeling. Like I don't know who this new me is yet, i don't really feel like myself. Although I'm not neccessarily unhappy, i don't quite feel at home hear yet but home itself doesn't feel the same as it used to either.
Is this a common feeling?
Hi @Lilacfern,
I'm sorry you are feeling like this but please remember you aren't alone in feeling like this. I definitely felt like this to an extent whilst starting university and even after finishing university. Moving to university is a big adjustment that affects everyone differently. It is an in between period where you are adjusting to new routines, new people and a new style of living.
Things will fall into place and yes you might miss and not experience life exactly like it was before university again but this is all a part of life. Things will feel different and that is okay. Have patience and don't be hard on yourself, it's so easy to put pressure on ourselves currently, especially starting and finishing uni and trying to be the "perfect adult".
This is also an exciting time, you are discovering yourself, being independent and learning new things in life. As overwhelming it can sometimes feel, it also is a very positive experience. You've got this! 🙂
Best wishes ^Zac
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