Was i always in the wrong or have i been gaslighted
I (18F) lost my best friend of 3 years (Ava) after I included another girl (Kat) into our friendship group. It’s been months now, and the situation has only gotten more confusing and honestly… disturbing.
I’ll keep this as structured as possible because a lot has happened.
BACKGROUND
Ava and I were inseparable. Proper best friends. When she left sixth form early for a different course, I became friends with Kat — a girl who literally had no one. I told Ava months in advance that Kat might hang with us when she returned. Ava said she was fine with it. Repeatedly.
When September started, the three of us hung out, but Ava made zero effort with Kat. She’d ignore her completely and ask me questions about her while Kat was sitting right there. Every time I tried to include Kat in a convo, Ava would tell me later that it “****ed her off.”
WHEN THINGS GOT BAD
One day Ava mentioned our uni open day plans in front of Kat. I naturally asked Kat if she wanted to come along. That’s when Ava got angry and wrote in her Notes app that she was “****ed off.”
From there, every tiny thing set her off. Asking Kat which cinema she preferred. Including her in jokes. Anything that didn’t revolve around Ava led to attitude or passive-aggressive comments.
Then she started posting Instagram story edits about “being replaced,” “I have no one,” audios like “and there he was… with Bryce, my Bryce.” Obviously directed at me.
She cancelled plans, went cold, and eventually sent me four paragraphs calling me fake, accusing me of treating our friendship like a “charity shop,” and saying I “drag people in.”
I kinda apologised to her but in the heat of the moment we were both arguing when she mentioned how i had called her a "japanese boo" and i made a shein joke which i took accountability for. I explained that it was an inside joke- if she expects me to be normal with her then why am i getting hated on for saying some inside jokes we've had infront of Kat who she had weeks with to get close. I also told her I never meant to replace her, and that she hadn’t even tried with Kat. She ignored everything and took zero accountability.
THE PETTY POSTS & PINTEREST BOARD
After the fallout, she:
posted indirects about me and Kat nonstop
made posts calling me chopped, ugly, fake, weird
dedicated a literal Pinterest board to hating me
pinned posts saying she walked away first (when I did)
pinned posts calling me rude, fake, a replacement, etc.
She did all this fully knowing I would see it — because she knew I sometimes checked her Pinterest.
It felt unnecessarily personal and genuinely mean-spirited.
At that point, I blocked her.
THE 5 PARAGRAPHS SHE JUST SENT ME
After two months of no contact, she suddenly messaged me from an old account. She sent five massive paragraphs saying things like:
She “hates me so much.”
She “hopes I get karma.”
She only told me to “get run over by a bus” because she was “****ed after I blocked her.”
I’m “emotionally immature,” “weird,” “heartless,” “a ho.”
“Even a baby could tell who’s right.”
Kat is “irrelevant” and “can never be her.”
She had a right to talk **** about Kat and did it more after I blocked her.
She’s “not obsessed” but needed to “explain herself.”
That I’m “delusional,” “fake,” and make my whole personality about the fight.
That she “loved me truly” but I “switched up.”
She contradicted herself the entire time — saying she hates me, then saying she doesn’t care, then saying she only wants to “clear things up,” then telling me never to speak to her again.
She never once apologised for anything except the bus comment, and even that was framed as, “well you blocked me so I said it.”
She also messaged my sister telling her I was fake and that I “should get run over by a bus.”
At this point I told her I didn’t want any further contact and blocked the old account too.
WHERE I’M AT NOW
It’s been a few months since the friendship ended, and this whole situation has left me:
confused
hurt
guilty at times
but also aware that a lot of this behaviour isn’t normal
unsure if I’m actually in the wrong or if she’s projecting
I genuinely didn’t replace her. I just didn’t want to isolate someone who had no one. I communicated everything, including my apologies. She responded with anger, insults, indirects, public posts, and then months later, five huge messages attacking me again.
Not to mention when i told kat this- kat called me a P****y and a "beg" for complaining about her but when she actually does say sm i walk past her like a beg. Like out of everything that had to be said she really had to say those things first not even a "oh no are u ok"
WHAT I’M ASKING
I need outside perspective — genuinely.
Was I actually wrong here?
Is this normal friendship jealousy or something deeper?
How do I move on from someone who meant a lot to me but clearly resents me?
And why is she still messaging me months later if she “hates me” and “doesn’t care”?
I’m struggling to understand what really happened.
I’ll keep this as structured as possible because a lot has happened.
BACKGROUND
Ava and I were inseparable. Proper best friends. When she left sixth form early for a different course, I became friends with Kat — a girl who literally had no one. I told Ava months in advance that Kat might hang with us when she returned. Ava said she was fine with it. Repeatedly.
When September started, the three of us hung out, but Ava made zero effort with Kat. She’d ignore her completely and ask me questions about her while Kat was sitting right there. Every time I tried to include Kat in a convo, Ava would tell me later that it “****ed her off.”
WHEN THINGS GOT BAD
One day Ava mentioned our uni open day plans in front of Kat. I naturally asked Kat if she wanted to come along. That’s when Ava got angry and wrote in her Notes app that she was “****ed off.”
From there, every tiny thing set her off. Asking Kat which cinema she preferred. Including her in jokes. Anything that didn’t revolve around Ava led to attitude or passive-aggressive comments.
Then she started posting Instagram story edits about “being replaced,” “I have no one,” audios like “and there he was… with Bryce, my Bryce.” Obviously directed at me.
She cancelled plans, went cold, and eventually sent me four paragraphs calling me fake, accusing me of treating our friendship like a “charity shop,” and saying I “drag people in.”
I kinda apologised to her but in the heat of the moment we were both arguing when she mentioned how i had called her a "japanese boo" and i made a shein joke which i took accountability for. I explained that it was an inside joke- if she expects me to be normal with her then why am i getting hated on for saying some inside jokes we've had infront of Kat who she had weeks with to get close. I also told her I never meant to replace her, and that she hadn’t even tried with Kat. She ignored everything and took zero accountability.
THE PETTY POSTS & PINTEREST BOARD
After the fallout, she:
posted indirects about me and Kat nonstop
made posts calling me chopped, ugly, fake, weird
dedicated a literal Pinterest board to hating me
pinned posts saying she walked away first (when I did)
pinned posts calling me rude, fake, a replacement, etc.
She did all this fully knowing I would see it — because she knew I sometimes checked her Pinterest.
It felt unnecessarily personal and genuinely mean-spirited.
At that point, I blocked her.
THE 5 PARAGRAPHS SHE JUST SENT ME
After two months of no contact, she suddenly messaged me from an old account. She sent five massive paragraphs saying things like:
She “hates me so much.”
She “hopes I get karma.”
She only told me to “get run over by a bus” because she was “****ed after I blocked her.”
I’m “emotionally immature,” “weird,” “heartless,” “a ho.”
“Even a baby could tell who’s right.”
Kat is “irrelevant” and “can never be her.”
She had a right to talk **** about Kat and did it more after I blocked her.
She’s “not obsessed” but needed to “explain herself.”
That I’m “delusional,” “fake,” and make my whole personality about the fight.
That she “loved me truly” but I “switched up.”
She contradicted herself the entire time — saying she hates me, then saying she doesn’t care, then saying she only wants to “clear things up,” then telling me never to speak to her again.
She never once apologised for anything except the bus comment, and even that was framed as, “well you blocked me so I said it.”
She also messaged my sister telling her I was fake and that I “should get run over by a bus.”
At this point I told her I didn’t want any further contact and blocked the old account too.
WHERE I’M AT NOW
It’s been a few months since the friendship ended, and this whole situation has left me:
confused
hurt
guilty at times
but also aware that a lot of this behaviour isn’t normal
unsure if I’m actually in the wrong or if she’s projecting
I genuinely didn’t replace her. I just didn’t want to isolate someone who had no one. I communicated everything, including my apologies. She responded with anger, insults, indirects, public posts, and then months later, five huge messages attacking me again.
Not to mention when i told kat this- kat called me a P****y and a "beg" for complaining about her but when she actually does say sm i walk past her like a beg. Like out of everything that had to be said she really had to say those things first not even a "oh no are u ok"
WHAT I’M ASKING
I need outside perspective — genuinely.
Was I actually wrong here?
Is this normal friendship jealousy or something deeper?
How do I move on from someone who meant a lot to me but clearly resents me?
And why is she still messaging me months later if she “hates me” and “doesn’t care”?
I’m struggling to understand what really happened.
Friendships come and go and this was not a very good one. It sucks at the time but you'll be much happier to not have that person in your life when you look back at things in a couple years.
It doesn't really matter who is "right" or "wrong", what matters is the way things played out meant that no matter what the dynamic between you was not working and wasn't likely to work long term. So you just need to do what's best for yourself which I think in this case is to stop talking to this person.
Particularly if you're a school leaver, chances were even if you were still friends when school ended you would drift apart sooner or later if not just immediately lost touch with each other so...kind of whatever.
It doesn't really matter who is "right" or "wrong", what matters is the way things played out meant that no matter what the dynamic between you was not working and wasn't likely to work long term. So you just need to do what's best for yourself which I think in this case is to stop talking to this person.
Particularly if you're a school leaver, chances were even if you were still friends when school ended you would drift apart sooner or later if not just immediately lost touch with each other so...kind of whatever.
Reply 2
Original post
by artful_loungerFriendships come and go and this was not a very good one. It sucks at the time but you'll be much happier to not have that person in your life when you look back at things in a couple years.
It doesn't really matter who is "right" or "wrong", what matters is the way things played out meant that no matter what the dynamic between you was not working and wasn't likely to work long term. So you just need to do what's best for yourself which I think in this case is to stop talking to this person.
Particularly if you're a school leaver, chances were even if you were still friends when school ended you would drift apart sooner or later if not just immediately lost touch with each other so...kind of whatever.
It doesn't really matter who is "right" or "wrong", what matters is the way things played out meant that no matter what the dynamic between you was not working and wasn't likely to work long term. So you just need to do what's best for yourself which I think in this case is to stop talking to this person.
Particularly if you're a school leaver, chances were even if you were still friends when school ended you would drift apart sooner or later if not just immediately lost touch with each other so...kind of whatever.
Thanks for the advice xx it just really sucks things had to end this way especially since we always thought we'd be friends forever😶
Original post
by AnonymousThanks for the advice xx it just really sucks things had to end this way especially since we always thought we'd be friends forever😶
I can sympathise as it always feels bitter when friendships end, especially if badly/apruptly. But it is part of life and it's not like you won't find new (and likely, better) friends - not just in the immediate future but many times over across the next 60+ years!
(edited 3 months ago)
Reply 4
20
I think Ava is immature, but she has the right to feel replaced. I mean I would feel that way.
Her reactions are way too much to keep in contact but if you still care about her, leave her a note she is welcome to talk to you and apologize when she calms down. Maybe she will calm down... Anyway, based on such reactions, she needs therapy.
Her reactions are way too much to keep in contact but if you still care about her, leave her a note she is welcome to talk to you and apologize when she calms down. Maybe she will calm down... Anyway, based on such reactions, she needs therapy.
Reply 5
Original post
by Kathy89I think Ava is immature, but she has the right to feel replaced. I mean I would feel that way.
Her reactions are way too much to keep in contact but if you still care about her, leave her a note she is welcome to talk to you and apologize when she calms down. Maybe she will calm down... Anyway, based on such reactions, she needs therapy.
Her reactions are way too much to keep in contact but if you still care about her, leave her a note she is welcome to talk to you and apologize when she calms down. Maybe she will calm down... Anyway, based on such reactions, she needs therapy.
even after 2 months she hasn't calmed down and still called me fake etc. Id rather get chased by a dog that write a note to her and speak to her again
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