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A-Level Psych Essay!!! :))

Hello everyone! I attempted a 16 mark question on "Discuss token economies as management for schizophrenia."
I do AQA!!
I would be grateful if someone could mark it and I'd really appreciate any feedback :smile:)

Token economies, used in 1960s and 70s, is a reward system used to manage SZ. Ayllon and Azrin gave tokens to patients in the form of a reward when they completed a simple task such as making their bed which could have been exchanged for ward privileges such as watching a film or walking outside. The number of tasks carried out increased significantly. Target behaviours are decided on as appropriate for each, (Cooper et al), and tokens were handed immediately as delayed rewards were ineffective. Institutionalisation develops under prolonged hospitalisation. For example, people develop bad habits such as bad hygiene and antisocial behaviour. Matson et al. found token economies are used to improve personal care, condition-related behaviour and social behaviour. This improves the person’s quality of life within the hospital, normalises behaviour, allowing people to adapt back into community life. Token economies are an example of behaviour modification - tokens are secondary reinforcers because their value comes from being paired with primary reinforcers.

A strength of token economies is that there is supporting evidence for its effectiveness. For example, Gowlicki et al. identified 7 studies that showed token economies led to reduction in negative symptoms and decline in frequency of unwanted behaviours. This is a strength because token economies are an effective way of increasing desired behaviours.This increases the practicality of token economies. However, some may argue that 7 studies is a limited evidence base, raising concerns for the file drawer problem where negative results go unpublished. This decreases the reliability of token economies. Despite this, it is due to the fact that token economies has potential societal benefits and economic benefits as they reduce the amount of support people with SZ need after they leave the hospital. This increases external validity of token economies.

A limitation of token economies is that there is ethical issues. For example, conditions of token economies can be regarded as manipulative and dehumanising as it gives professionals power over people’s behaviours. Participation is obligatory for patients. This is a weakness because it takes away the patient’s civil liberty. People withh SZ that don’t comply lose privileges such as watching a film which is ethically questionable as someone who is seriously ill already experiencing distressing symptoms has an even worse time.This decreases usefulness of token economies.
However, token economies can be individualised to support people’s everyday tasks. It forces the patient to keep up with the demands of everyday life and stops them becoming institutionalised. This maintains credit for token economies. Despite this, it is due to the fact benefits of token economies might be outweighed by their impact of personal freedom, which decreases external validity of behaviour modification.

Another limitation for token economies is the existence of alternatives. For example, a review by Chiang et al. concluded that art therapy may be a good alternative, which is high-gain low-risk approach to managing SZ. This is a weakness because alternative approaches may be more manageable and more pleasant for people with SZ and they will not have major side effects.This decreases credibility of token economies.
However, some may argue that token economies, unlike therapy-based approaches, provide immediate reinforcement, which can help patients develop essential life skills. This maintains credit for token economies. Despite this, existence of more ethical alternatives reduces the need for token economies, suggesting token economies are not long-term treatment option, decreasing external validity.

Reply 1

Honestly, this is already a very strong essay and I’d be happy to put it at around 12-13/16. The AO1 is solid, the main improvement there would just be smoother flow so it reads more cohesively. A short conclusion at the end of the essay, giving an overall judgement would also help boost your marks.

For the AO3 point they are pretty well written and stick to a clear structure, theres a good range of points and each one has a counter argument. One thing I would say for improvements is, you've repeated phrases like “this decreases external validity” or “this maintains credit”. These phrases are good but when they’re repeated 3 times it makes your paragraphs sound a bit formulaic, maybe tweak the wording a bit. Also external validity is not always relevant, for example in your second AO3 paragraph, it would be more appropriate to reference ethics as a link rather than external validity.

With those small tweaks, this could very realistically reach the top band.
If you have any other questions about this essay or 16-markers in general, feel free to ask, and if you’d ever like structured 1-to-1 help with Psych, I’m happy to help with that too.
(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 2

Thank you so much for the feedback, that’s really helpful.

I’m glad AO1 is on the right track, and I’ll definitely work on tightening the flow.
For a short conclusion, would you summarise previous AO3 paragraphs in a few sentences?
Does that have a structure as well perhaps?

For the AO3 points, I get what you mean about some of the phrasing sounding repetitive. I’ll switch up the wording so it feels less formulaic, as I have structured my notes for AO3 in a certain way that follows that pattern.
I'll also tweak the second AO3 for ethics as that makes more sense as well.
Do you have a specific structure that I suppose I could use for AO3?

Really appreciate the detailed advice, with practicing those tweaks I will eventually feel more confident practicing essays.
I will need feedback later on when I write up practice essays as well, if you're happy to help then that's great :smile:

Reply 3

I’m really glad that helped,
For things like AO3 structure and conclusions, it’s honestly much easier to explain properly with examples rather than just in text on a thread. If you’d like, feel free to drop me a private message and I can show you a clear structure you can use for both. Happy to help.

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